The Consequences of His Actions ( One-shot)
Title: The Consequences of His Actions
Fandom: Smallville
Ship: Chloe/Oliver
Prompt: Ignored Instinct
Rating: PG
Summary: He had known from the beginning that it was going to end badly, he held no delusions of it ending any other way.
Warnings: There are no actual spoilers in this, but the idea was given to me from part of an interview done by Justin Hartley and his own speculation, so it might inadvertently give something away about things to come.
Notes: Lots of angst, some pinning, and not necessarily a happy ending, though not necessarily an unhappy one either. Oliver’s point of view.
THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS ACTIONS
He had known from the beginning that it was bound to end messy, that there were going to be repercussions for their actions. All his instincts were screaming at him to run, that he should stop this now before it got too complicated, he had ignored them. At the time he hadn’t cared. Chloe had made him feel alive again, had made him smile like he hadn’t in years. There was an easy rhythm between the two of them, they seemed to just fit. He had more fun with her than he had had in years. There was no pretending, no secrets or lies. She knew everything about him, the good and the bad, and there was no part of himself that he had to hide.
He had known it was going to end badly, he held no delusions of ending any other way. He knew that you could only have fun for so long before someone’s feelings began to change, before it became more important to one person than it was for the other. He had just never thought that person would be him.
Oliver was an admittedly selfish man; he had entered into this for himself, for the chance to be happy for a little while even if it came at a cost. He had considered Chloe’s feelings, had promised himself to never lead her on and to make sure that she didn’t get badly hurt, but he had never once considered that he would end up being the one in danger of harm.
In the beginning it had just been fun, it had been a way to escape from their lives, to take comfort and find a way to begin to heal within each other. It was more than what they knew they should be, but neither of them could deny themselves it. But it was never supposed to be serious, it was an unwritten rule that it was what it was and that it would never become something more. No one else even knew about it, it was a secret kept inside the Watchtower’s walls. But slowly he began to notice the changes in himself, watched as it became something more, as she became something more.
It had been little things at first. He had caught himself staring at her during a league meeting. He had tried to brush it off, told himself that it wasn’t the first time that his downstairs brain had distracted his upstairs one. But he knew it wasn’t true. He hadn’t been focused on her figure, hadn’t imagined what he would do once the guys were gone and he could get her alone. He had been focused on her smile, watching as Victor made her laugh, and he had been caught up trying to think of stories he could tell her that could bring out the same reaction, that could make her happy. He thought that she didn’t smile enough, not like that.
After that he had found himself wearing shirt she had told him she loved on him, on the off chance he would see her that day and she would notice. He found himself calling her when he had computer problems instead of tech support, because of the way she would tease him about not being able to figure it out on his own. He noticed the way he gravitated to Watchtower with his work, when he could have done it just as easily at home. He caught himself watching her making coffee after that, determined to figure out how she took it without having to ask her. He wanted to be able to bring her a cup in the morning without any directions, for him to surprise her with how well he knew her. He hadn’t tried to look into his reasons beyond that. He had been worried about what he would see if he looked too hard.
Another night he had caught himself desperately wanting to stay the night at her place. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t done it before, or that she hadn’t spent the night at his, but there had always been a reason before. Late nights too tired to make it back to his own apartment and promises of repeat performances, had often kept him in her bed and kept her in his own. But it had been early that night and as much as he enjoyed them, he hadn’t been expecting any encores. No, he had just wanted to stay, to be with her, to hold her and bury his face in his hair. For her to remind him of the reasons he kept fighting, for her to remind him that there were good people out there, amazing people like her that cared too much and whole-heartedly.
Chloe had gotten dressed soon after, telling him that she had promised to check in with Emil at the hospital about some league business. It hadn’t been a dismissal, just a fact, but it had stung. He avoided her for days after that, trying not to think about what it meant that he missed touching her, that he missed seeing her smile, her presence beside him and her comforting voice in his ear.
She never called, never tried to find out where he was or if something was wrong. He received a few e-mails related to the league, but they never extended beyond business.
Reality had slammed into him after that. Since it had started, he had made sure to always know where Chloe’s head was at, to make sure he knew what she was thinking and that her feelings about him never became confused, that her judgment was never clouded because of him. He had been so intent on making sure he didn’t hurt her, to realize he had already begun to fall himself. And he had. He had fallen so hard he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to get up again.
He should have listened to that voice in his mind months ago, shouldn’t have let himself go forward with something he knew could only end badly. He had been willing to face the consequences then, had been willing to sacrifice their future relationship for his own selfish needs, but now wasn’t. He didn’t want to sacrifice what they had, didn’t want to give up the dream of them becoming something more, becoming something amazing. But he was acutely aware that it was just a dream, that it was never going to be something more than that. Chloe had made no indications that her feelings had changed. She cared about him, she may even love him in her own way, but not like he did her. He had never caught her staring at him, the way she looked at him had never changed, she had never asked him to stay when he had gotten up to leave. No, for as much as he knew that he was in love with her, he was sure that she didn’t feel the same about him.
He should have ran all those months ago, should have realized that it was inevitable to become attached to someone as amazing as her, should have stopped it the moment he caught himself staring at her. But the thing was, even knowing everything he did, knowing the ache it would cause in his heart, he didn’t think he would have stopped it if he could. Having a piece of her, any piece no matter how small, was better than having nothing of her at all.