kinda hurt
So yeah I know I haven't posted in a while.. Upon arriving back in California to live I was definitely occupied for a while.. I guess I forgot about live journal for the longest time but I felt the urge to post again for once. ANYWAYS, everything here has far from gone as planned. I do get along with Annie very well for a majority, but we are two completely different individuals in more ways then just one. We bash heads sometimes due to our stubbornness and we often have many cultural differences that lead to her or me being hurt because lack of respect on both sides for the fact that we come from COMPLETELY different cultures and our parents are not much alike at all.
Her parents are typical Asian parents, yes I stereotype most Asian parents in the aspect that they rule their childs lives and force them into many things they don't want to do, ranging from studying 8 hours a day in the summer time, to never going out with friends, to even (get this, this is the kicker) not being able to date anyone until... get this... here it goes! College. Yep, 18 years old.. a high school senior, and you're not allowed to date anyone! Although, I realize a lot of people rebel against their parent's will.. Most Asians don't. They listen to their parents, even down to the last detail, which kind of pains me. How can you expect to be independent or even remotely refer to yourself as independent if you do absolutely everything your parents ask of you at the drop of a hat even at the age of 24. Yes, 24. It's kinda ridiculous but people are raised differently as you can see. I respect the fact that they highly praise their parents and continually try to make them proud.. but the fact remains; Asian parents will never be satisfied. Anyone who disagrees with this is sorely mistaken.
Moving along... A brief update about life here..
I don't really do a lot, but when I do stuff it's generally not for myself. Although I know nobody appreciates 95% of the stuff I do because they don't see it isn't for me. I continually try to help, help, help and help again. It's my nature to help people I like, so people here shouldn't be any different right? Kind of. To be brutally honest, random people I've met in stores or at the bowling alley or at the mall give me far more respect and seem more good natured then a lot of the people I'm surrounded by. I actually had a fun chat with a guy last night at the bowling alley, he was a cool guy.. but unfortunately I'm hearing impaired so I can't just ask for a phone number and to hang out. Kinda sucks, but hey.. that's life. We're all handed different situations and scenerios so make due with what you've got and don't cry.. whether you're blind, deaf, overly emotional or mentally challenged... there will always be ways of getting through positively.
And I know I'm not the best example of anything positive due to the fact that I continually look down on myself. Why do I do this? I'm not quite sure. I honestly think I'll always be a failure simply because I do not put the effort forth that is necessary to succeed. Why don't I do that? Because I feel it would be pointless due to the fact that I'm extremely restricted for most things. People really don't understand, they never will.
Moving along, Let's get back to Annie. As I said above we tend to but heads sometimes but for a majority I really felt like we got a long famishly. I'm dead wrong. Woman can be such liars, I mean cruel.. twisted and hateful liars. They can act happy to your face then do things behind your back that make you cringe when you hear/read about it. What point am I getting at? The fact that I saw annie's xanga and I noticed one major thing. She never mentions me ANYWHERE, so that kinda falls into the fact that I'm majorly unappreciated. Even more scary the fact that the only time I KNEW she was talking about me was a negative entry saying I complain too much about everything. I complain when old people drive slow, I complain when people get in my way on the high way and slow down.. I complain when xxx (<-- fit random scenerio here). So yeah, she didn't up and say my name but I knew it was me because we have argued before over the fact that she feels I'm incredibly spiteful.. I know the blog was wrote last year, but I feel it's hurtful because she wrote about that one bad thing and I was never mentioned anywhere else in the entire blog.. just that one bad thing. Which I find to be quite a bad thing indeed.. Why? Because she doesn't talk about how good to her I am.. she doesn't talk about how much I praise her, how often I buy her stuff.. How I never ask her to lose weight (when her parents constantly do and I know she is definitely overweight without a doubt - to the point that it's unhealthy) considering she has gained some weight since I've been here.. I'm not perfect myself though, I have probably gaines 20 lbs or so since I've been here as well.. I can't lose weight because of the lack of water... the city water here is gross and I used to lose weight by drinking excessive amounts of water.. I can't do that here now =\ SO all I drink are sugar riddened "Tampico" walmart juices that stack up the carbs and evidently go right to my stomach/ass/legs. =\ Annie rarely expresses any love for me, she claims it's just how she is.. but I know for a fact I've treated her far better then anyone in her life ever has and I'm actually kinda getting sick of the disrespect and complete and utter unappreciative stuff she does/says CONSTANTLY... I wish she would use her head before she talks to be honest, she's incredibly stubborn.
Moving along, I am annoyed all the time now. I've noticed I have become increasingly annoyed at many things like her brothers, her, the dogs (which her brother got dumped on him which he's too retarded to find a way to get rid of them - no joke..) he has no desire to have them so he leaves them in back of the house tied up all the time and they bark CONSTANTLY so it annoys the living fuck out of me...Oh and the kids.. Yes, the kids.. the kids that I am not remotely related to in any way nor responsible/obligated/liable to help in any way. Lets go through this story real fast to get you up to date..
Her uncles are both complete failures. I say this nicely.. they seriously are failures in many ways. Her father is the only responsible one - as his two brothers completely dodge their responsibilities and allow problems to grow so much that at the last second they lose everything. One has lost 2 wives, pays child support, has a dead end job which he might lose soon and on top of this only uses his family and friends for .. internet access.. yep.. he hops online to talk to all these ladies from overseas and hours away because he needs *another* failed marriage.
Now, the OTHER brother is quite a trip.. he is the one with 4 kids he is responsible for. Responsibility is assumed here automatically because they are his kids, right? Nope. He dumps them off on everyone else and makes it their problem. Then he doesn't do anything to supply for his kids. This guy is making 100 grand a year as a trucker and he is close to filing bankruptcy and not only that, he apparently came within DAYS of losing his home.. His shit hole home that is a COMPLETE fucking mess.. trash everywhere.. nothing clean. How did this happen? His wife.
Yep, his 28 year old wife went completely fucking mental one day and started throwing away dishes, talking to herself.. sitting in the dark staring at the wall, going into her childrens rooms at 3am and start to talk like a discussion was already going. Oh and turning off the electricity because it is "evil" and breaking her oldest daughter's glasses that she needed incredibly badly as well. This is just the tip of the iceberg. This lady is a raving psycho that pissed away her husband's money year after year and has mounting credit debt. Lets not even go into the fact that she's using her daughter's SSD money to pay stuff off.. Her oldest 13 year old daughter's father was murdered in Houston, Texas back when she was a baby so she gets social security for the death to help buy her daughter stuff.. but guess what, her daughter doesn't see much of it all.. maybe 5% of the total money accumulated over the last several years has actually made its way to her daughter.. doesn't this constitute as fraud? I think so... SO long story short here, the mom is a raving psychotic money spending fraud monkey who barely speaks a word of English even after she has been in the united states for more then half of her life..
The impact it has on her children is quite unimaginable.. they talk EXTREMELY loudly and they also assume no responsibilities. They are extremely anti-social for the most part and the youngest one expects to be treated like a baby even though he is 5 years old. He baby talks and wants to be held so he cries often and yells often to just seek that attention. The kids have been taken from the parents once and almost a second time simply because their dad never assumes responsibility for them. He lies to them nonstop and he doesn't make sure they're fed or taken care of (which they aren't). Anyways.. so the time rolls around to where the state is knocking to take his kids away again and he brings them here to California to live with this family.. Intially, we felt okay about it because we realize they're kids, it's not their fault.. but as time progresses we realize how irresponsible the father is. He has already lied to us on several occasions about coming to see his kids.. he has not paid a penny for us to take care of them and he never calls to see how they are. On top of all this, he is planning on taking them back to live with him and his wife again in Oklahoma before the next school year comes. Yep, back to live with Mr. Irresponsibility and Mrs. Psycho.. Quite a dysfunctional family indeed. So long story short (yes that was mainly the short version above =P) I have had to help buy and take care of these children because they live here with this family now. This 3 bedroom house has 2 of them living here as well which we are expect to provide for.. it's not how I wanted to live my life. I realize they are kids and they are her cousins.. but her parents are far from broke and they could technically watch them if they really wanted to, although they already watch 2 of them.. they should be watching all of them. They are not related to me in any way, they should not be my responsibility..
So, stress has taken it's tole here and all this stuff is mounting up on me along with a nice argument that took place with her brother Abel a few days back. It was quite an argument indeed. I almost knocked him the fuck out, but I resisted every nerve in my body to not touch him on account of him being her brother. The disrespect that guy gave me is uncalled for.. I have done nothing but help him and help his family and he repays me by flipping out on me after I ask about how/why he breaks the door to his bedroom (key thing here, we rent this house so breaking stuff here makes everyone who pays rent equally responsible for objects belonging to the owners of the household).. He says he will replace it and sees no problem with breaking it, lol. He is actually the most immature 21 year old I have ever met besides his other 22 year old brother that works 25 hours a week for minimum wage while his wife sits at home doing nothing and has a kid on the way. Well, she had her kid a few days ago.. but since they're not legally married they immediately get the state of California to pay for their doctor bill for the child. It's a mess there too.. Working 25 hours a week and expecting to provide for his wife and child now .. 25 hours a week.. part time.. minimum wage. *sigh* I'm not even gonna rant about that now because it's pretty much self explainable =]
The more I write here the more I realize it was a mistake to come here. I left a good job opportunity in Ohio and I also left everything I ever knew for this.. I really think it was quite a stupid fucking idea to come here and I can't wait to get out to be honest.. I've tried more then once already to get out but Annie keeps holding me back.. so unfortunately I will likely be leaving without her because she is always going to put the stress of her family, her uncles, her church, everything else on her shoulders and never appreciate a single fucking thing I do for her.
End of motherfucking rant.
Her parents are typical Asian parents, yes I stereotype most Asian parents in the aspect that they rule their childs lives and force them into many things they don't want to do, ranging from studying 8 hours a day in the summer time, to never going out with friends, to even (get this, this is the kicker) not being able to date anyone until... get this... here it goes! College. Yep, 18 years old.. a high school senior, and you're not allowed to date anyone! Although, I realize a lot of people rebel against their parent's will.. Most Asians don't. They listen to their parents, even down to the last detail, which kind of pains me. How can you expect to be independent or even remotely refer to yourself as independent if you do absolutely everything your parents ask of you at the drop of a hat even at the age of 24. Yes, 24. It's kinda ridiculous but people are raised differently as you can see. I respect the fact that they highly praise their parents and continually try to make them proud.. but the fact remains; Asian parents will never be satisfied. Anyone who disagrees with this is sorely mistaken.
Moving along... A brief update about life here..
I don't really do a lot, but when I do stuff it's generally not for myself. Although I know nobody appreciates 95% of the stuff I do because they don't see it isn't for me. I continually try to help, help, help and help again. It's my nature to help people I like, so people here shouldn't be any different right? Kind of. To be brutally honest, random people I've met in stores or at the bowling alley or at the mall give me far more respect and seem more good natured then a lot of the people I'm surrounded by. I actually had a fun chat with a guy last night at the bowling alley, he was a cool guy.. but unfortunately I'm hearing impaired so I can't just ask for a phone number and to hang out. Kinda sucks, but hey.. that's life. We're all handed different situations and scenerios so make due with what you've got and don't cry.. whether you're blind, deaf, overly emotional or mentally challenged... there will always be ways of getting through positively.
And I know I'm not the best example of anything positive due to the fact that I continually look down on myself. Why do I do this? I'm not quite sure. I honestly think I'll always be a failure simply because I do not put the effort forth that is necessary to succeed. Why don't I do that? Because I feel it would be pointless due to the fact that I'm extremely restricted for most things. People really don't understand, they never will.
Moving along, Let's get back to Annie. As I said above we tend to but heads sometimes but for a majority I really felt like we got a long famishly. I'm dead wrong. Woman can be such liars, I mean cruel.. twisted and hateful liars. They can act happy to your face then do things behind your back that make you cringe when you hear/read about it. What point am I getting at? The fact that I saw annie's xanga and I noticed one major thing. She never mentions me ANYWHERE, so that kinda falls into the fact that I'm majorly unappreciated. Even more scary the fact that the only time I KNEW she was talking about me was a negative entry saying I complain too much about everything. I complain when old people drive slow, I complain when people get in my way on the high way and slow down.. I complain when xxx (<-- fit random scenerio here). So yeah, she didn't up and say my name but I knew it was me because we have argued before over the fact that she feels I'm incredibly spiteful.. I know the blog was wrote last year, but I feel it's hurtful because she wrote about that one bad thing and I was never mentioned anywhere else in the entire blog.. just that one bad thing. Which I find to be quite a bad thing indeed.. Why? Because she doesn't talk about how good to her I am.. she doesn't talk about how much I praise her, how often I buy her stuff.. How I never ask her to lose weight (when her parents constantly do and I know she is definitely overweight without a doubt - to the point that it's unhealthy) considering she has gained some weight since I've been here.. I'm not perfect myself though, I have probably gaines 20 lbs or so since I've been here as well.. I can't lose weight because of the lack of water... the city water here is gross and I used to lose weight by drinking excessive amounts of water.. I can't do that here now =\ SO all I drink are sugar riddened "Tampico" walmart juices that stack up the carbs and evidently go right to my stomach/ass/legs. =\ Annie rarely expresses any love for me, she claims it's just how she is.. but I know for a fact I've treated her far better then anyone in her life ever has and I'm actually kinda getting sick of the disrespect and complete and utter unappreciative stuff she does/says CONSTANTLY... I wish she would use her head before she talks to be honest, she's incredibly stubborn.
Moving along, I am annoyed all the time now. I've noticed I have become increasingly annoyed at many things like her brothers, her, the dogs (which her brother got dumped on him which he's too retarded to find a way to get rid of them - no joke..) he has no desire to have them so he leaves them in back of the house tied up all the time and they bark CONSTANTLY so it annoys the living fuck out of me...Oh and the kids.. Yes, the kids.. the kids that I am not remotely related to in any way nor responsible/obligated/liable to help in any way. Lets go through this story real fast to get you up to date..
Her uncles are both complete failures. I say this nicely.. they seriously are failures in many ways. Her father is the only responsible one - as his two brothers completely dodge their responsibilities and allow problems to grow so much that at the last second they lose everything. One has lost 2 wives, pays child support, has a dead end job which he might lose soon and on top of this only uses his family and friends for .. internet access.. yep.. he hops online to talk to all these ladies from overseas and hours away because he needs *another* failed marriage.
Now, the OTHER brother is quite a trip.. he is the one with 4 kids he is responsible for. Responsibility is assumed here automatically because they are his kids, right? Nope. He dumps them off on everyone else and makes it their problem. Then he doesn't do anything to supply for his kids. This guy is making 100 grand a year as a trucker and he is close to filing bankruptcy and not only that, he apparently came within DAYS of losing his home.. His shit hole home that is a COMPLETE fucking mess.. trash everywhere.. nothing clean. How did this happen? His wife.
Yep, his 28 year old wife went completely fucking mental one day and started throwing away dishes, talking to herself.. sitting in the dark staring at the wall, going into her childrens rooms at 3am and start to talk like a discussion was already going. Oh and turning off the electricity because it is "evil" and breaking her oldest daughter's glasses that she needed incredibly badly as well. This is just the tip of the iceberg. This lady is a raving psycho that pissed away her husband's money year after year and has mounting credit debt. Lets not even go into the fact that she's using her daughter's SSD money to pay stuff off.. Her oldest 13 year old daughter's father was murdered in Houston, Texas back when she was a baby so she gets social security for the death to help buy her daughter stuff.. but guess what, her daughter doesn't see much of it all.. maybe 5% of the total money accumulated over the last several years has actually made its way to her daughter.. doesn't this constitute as fraud? I think so... SO long story short here, the mom is a raving psychotic money spending fraud monkey who barely speaks a word of English even after she has been in the united states for more then half of her life..
The impact it has on her children is quite unimaginable.. they talk EXTREMELY loudly and they also assume no responsibilities. They are extremely anti-social for the most part and the youngest one expects to be treated like a baby even though he is 5 years old. He baby talks and wants to be held so he cries often and yells often to just seek that attention. The kids have been taken from the parents once and almost a second time simply because their dad never assumes responsibility for them. He lies to them nonstop and he doesn't make sure they're fed or taken care of (which they aren't). Anyways.. so the time rolls around to where the state is knocking to take his kids away again and he brings them here to California to live with this family.. Intially, we felt okay about it because we realize they're kids, it's not their fault.. but as time progresses we realize how irresponsible the father is. He has already lied to us on several occasions about coming to see his kids.. he has not paid a penny for us to take care of them and he never calls to see how they are. On top of all this, he is planning on taking them back to live with him and his wife again in Oklahoma before the next school year comes. Yep, back to live with Mr. Irresponsibility and Mrs. Psycho.. Quite a dysfunctional family indeed. So long story short (yes that was mainly the short version above =P) I have had to help buy and take care of these children because they live here with this family now. This 3 bedroom house has 2 of them living here as well which we are expect to provide for.. it's not how I wanted to live my life. I realize they are kids and they are her cousins.. but her parents are far from broke and they could technically watch them if they really wanted to, although they already watch 2 of them.. they should be watching all of them. They are not related to me in any way, they should not be my responsibility..
So, stress has taken it's tole here and all this stuff is mounting up on me along with a nice argument that took place with her brother Abel a few days back. It was quite an argument indeed. I almost knocked him the fuck out, but I resisted every nerve in my body to not touch him on account of him being her brother. The disrespect that guy gave me is uncalled for.. I have done nothing but help him and help his family and he repays me by flipping out on me after I ask about how/why he breaks the door to his bedroom (key thing here, we rent this house so breaking stuff here makes everyone who pays rent equally responsible for objects belonging to the owners of the household).. He says he will replace it and sees no problem with breaking it, lol. He is actually the most immature 21 year old I have ever met besides his other 22 year old brother that works 25 hours a week for minimum wage while his wife sits at home doing nothing and has a kid on the way. Well, she had her kid a few days ago.. but since they're not legally married they immediately get the state of California to pay for their doctor bill for the child. It's a mess there too.. Working 25 hours a week and expecting to provide for his wife and child now .. 25 hours a week.. part time.. minimum wage. *sigh* I'm not even gonna rant about that now because it's pretty much self explainable =]
The more I write here the more I realize it was a mistake to come here. I left a good job opportunity in Ohio and I also left everything I ever knew for this.. I really think it was quite a stupid fucking idea to come here and I can't wait to get out to be honest.. I've tried more then once already to get out but Annie keeps holding me back.. so unfortunately I will likely be leaving without her because she is always going to put the stress of her family, her uncles, her church, everything else on her shoulders and never appreciate a single fucking thing I do for her.
End of motherfucking rant.