not sure (kinda a double post...sorta/kinda same thing)
Not sure why I decided to post. Not sure why I'm feeling down/mad. I...just did and just am. Life hasn't really been particularily bad but, for whatever reason, I'm in a bad kinda mood. Everything just sucks right now. I keep thinking about how nice cutting would be...I know, stupid. I find myself thinking about what it'd be like...how sweet would that pain be to me... Again, stupid, but that's what I'm like. Sometimes I wonder why I don't cut...I mean, how would my family know...would those around me be able to tell and, perhaps more importantly, would they care/try to stop me. I'd think no but I'm probably wrong. They still haven't forgotten about me...I'm still visible. I still smoke too much and drink when I can. Anyway, I don't really know what I came here to say but maybe I got something out...something I wanted to say.
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I feel like shit right now and I don't know why. I just feel like something is fundamentally wrong...with something. I don't know what it is that's wrong or or or I don't know. I just feel like there's something on the horizon that I can't see...a darkness rolls over the land and I'm afraid. I really am too...I just don't know what it is that I'm afraid of. This isn't what I thought I came here to write but it is...I guess. It just feels right, you know? I gotta do something about it...but...but I'm frozen. I'm just in the corner watching as the darkness rolls toward me...am I ready for it, I wonder. There is something coming and just because it rolls with the darkness doesn't mean it is necessarily bad...maybe. It's big though... God, I keep repeating myself...I must sound so stupid. I feel tired...feel like I could just sleep forever. And I hear a fell voice in my veins...I want to see my blood slide down my arm. I know, bad. Of course, as per usual, I don't really care. I really feel like...feel like going for that last ride. God, why am I like this? Why am I thinking like this? Nothing bad is even happening...it just...it feels like it's a good time to die. To feel that last high and...and I don't know. This is really nothing like what I thought I came here to say...thanks muse. Don't worry about me guys...I'd only taste a little...
Butterfly, are you still in a storm? I haven't heard from you in a while...
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I feel like shit right now and I don't know why. I just feel like something is fundamentally wrong...with something. I don't know what it is that's wrong or or or I don't know. I just feel like there's something on the horizon that I can't see...a darkness rolls over the land and I'm afraid. I really am too...I just don't know what it is that I'm afraid of. This isn't what I thought I came here to write but it is...I guess. It just feels right, you know? I gotta do something about it...but...but I'm frozen. I'm just in the corner watching as the darkness rolls toward me...am I ready for it, I wonder. There is something coming and just because it rolls with the darkness doesn't mean it is necessarily bad...maybe. It's big though... God, I keep repeating myself...I must sound so stupid. I feel tired...feel like I could just sleep forever. And I hear a fell voice in my veins...I want to see my blood slide down my arm. I know, bad. Of course, as per usual, I don't really care. I really feel like...feel like going for that last ride. God, why am I like this? Why am I thinking like this? Nothing bad is even happening...it just...it feels like it's a good time to die. To feel that last high and...and I don't know. This is really nothing like what I thought I came here to say...thanks muse. Don't worry about me guys...I'd only taste a little...
Butterfly, are you still in a storm? I haven't heard from you in a while...