thanks *glomp* i think i have decided to break up a good relationship because i'm stupid and i dont feel really needed in this one i mean i have to tell him or have someone tell him to call me for him to. and that really sucks. i cant stand it anymore! i thnik i've fallen into depression but i'm not sure i mean i sleep alot and i'm always tired and never hungry which is kinda making mom scared. saturday she forced food in me to make me eat. she got me talking to her then once she seen my mouth was open she shoved a fry in my mouth. i'm really glad i have alot of people who care about me but i dont understand why they do! i mean all they are doing is wasting their life away caring for me i mean how can you love me when i dont love myself? it should be hard!!! how can you do that? how can you see me as i am and not see my drone? why am i so comforted when i talk to you? i dont know am i crazy? i'm stupid!!! thats what it is. i think mom is going to take me to a shrink soon....cause she is really getting worried. i hate myself for making people care about me. *locks self in closet* ha you cant love me if i'm in here....
*glomps back* if it is a good relationship you shouldn't break it. i've never broken a relationship...i've always just been left. even if the relationship is bad i'll push through it until they are done with me...when my pain becomes boring for them...then they drop me and walk away pretty easily. i heard that too...that depression leads to sleepiness...i am sleep all the time too...and i do have less hunger...but manly i'm just sleepy and lazy so i don't eat. i usually get like a meal a day or something near such...so i won't die from lack of food. i drink a lot though...not alcohol but like water or whatever. sorry, i'm talking about myself a lot. i never understand why people care about me either...but i do care about you. i love you. i am definately not wasting my life loving you...my life isn't worthy enough to be wasted...on anything. that is not to say that loving you is a waste of time. you are an amazing person...i am happy to be allowed to love you. i often can see what people hide. i look inside and see what is really there. i am glad you are comforted when you talk to me...i'm not sure why you. being crazy is good...i'm crazy too. you are not stupid....maybe a little crazy, but stupid, no way. i care about you of my own voilition...i really do... *sneaks into closet next to you* i'll love you wherever you are...if you let me...
i really dont know if its a good relationship or not i mean we never see each other and i have to go to his house and he never calls me the list is endless. why do i do that? why do i find flaws that i hate and pick at them till i drive myself insane over it!! why do i always find something wrong with the relationship? i dont understand me!!!
if you really wandt to love me i'll give you my heart as long as you dont break it. that is if you really want it....i mean i would understand if you wouldnt want it
well...it is a good relationship or it isn't...sorry...i don't mean to be mean like that. sometimes it is more involved than that. i just always try to make stuff black and white, even when most of the world is gray. i wish i could tell you why you do that. why you look for the flaws of your life and stick to them... i know i do it because i am pessimistic and refuse to see the glass as anything less than half empty. i understand you...or think i do, though i do not know why you...why anyone would be so attentive to the flaws of life. i do love you...and would never break your heart. i love you...i really do and would be proud to have your heart...if you wish to give it to me.
i'll give you my heart if you promise to not break it and promise to give it back when your bored with it. just please dont give it back in a million tiny pieces. okay?
i will do my best to comfort and be light fingered with your heart. i promise to be as nice to your heart as i can but i fear to promise i will not hurt you...i have been known to cause pain unknowingly to myself. i will never bore of your heart...i am usually the one who becomes boring...and eventually...i am left... i will only give you your heart back if you ask for it...so...if you wish, give me your heart and i will do my best to make you happy
*hands over a box wrapped tightly in lace and ribbons* here you go.... i dont think i could ever get bored of you. and i really dont want to hurt you so therefore if you get hurt by me i am extremely sorry. *hugs* your soo cool *hugs* i love you
*grabs box and covets it* thank you...i hope i don't make you bored. i really don't think you will hurt me. you are an amzing person...you deserve the best and i'll do my best to give it to you. *hugs* thanks, you're awesome too ^_^ *hugs* i love you too
i trust you with my heart now okay oh and guess what i found out that Devin was "talking" with two other girls, he called them every night like it was extremely important....he hasnt called me in a week and a half. so i broke up with him and hung up the phone on him...damn asshole!! but i'm glad devin and i are broke up, i couldnt let it drag on for another month. i kinda feel bad because it was our three month anniversary...but oh well he can get over it!!!!! lol i'm happy today...for one i'm out of a relationship with an asshole and my step dad told me he loved me!!! <--for the first time...oh and i have YOU lol i love you
i am glad you trust me. i obviously trust you. ^_^ sorry about devin being an asshole. atleast he wasn't sleeping with anyone else...that was my first girlfriend...then my second saw some other guy...twice (i forgave her both times...eventually she just dropped me for him). not to say you choose bad guys but devin does kinda sound like an asshole. i always let it drag on...for another month...another year....another lifetime. like i said, it isn't me who ends it...i end up getting dropped....when my writhing in pain gets boring i guess. i am happy for you on both...wait, all three counts (^_^). i love you too. *hugs* ^_^
if he was sleeping with anyone he would have gotten his ass beat( not by me but by his mom, and he would get his ass screamed at by my step dad.) then i would kick his ass...not really cause i couldnt do it i would probably wallow in self pitty. so how are things with you? sorry i've been rambling on about myself all the time....now its your turn....lol oh one more thing....me and a couple of my friends are planning on saving money to rent a hotel room next to a beach out there for like a week lol so we can meet you they are so excited i have actually gotten a few threats cause i haddent shown your pic to my friends....lol sorry now go on its your turn
ah...i was just kinda brooding a little about my personal experiences. i do kinda understand the self pity wallowing...of course, i tend to bury it and outsidely get over it just about immediately. i am doing okay...i'm happy you are giving me a chance. it's okay you've been talking about yourself...i tend to do the same thing. hmm...what can i say? i'm not sure. that would be so awesome...if you got a hotel room and i could meet you and everything. i'll keep my fingers crossed. ^_^ so...show 'em a pic...i guess...if they really wanna see it. i don't think i'm very good looking or anything and don't get why anyone would wanna see my pic but if they do...i guess, show away. hmm...i still haven't seen your picture. you might have sent it already...i just haven't been at my dorm room. i hope to see your pic soon. ^_^...not really sure what else to say...i do hope i can meet you.
i have a cute pic saved on my computer at home i can send it to you on sunday if mom lets me. i hope she does. do you have my email? well i have three but i only use two. i use my msn for chatting and i use my gmail for everything. my msn is RachelRom241004@hotmail.com and my gmail is naede.riko.chan@gmail.com<--- i use this one most often. lol i'm going to save every cent i can get so that i can come and see you.
i hope you get to send me a picture. i really want to see a picture of you...i mean i would rather actually see you (^_^) but a picture will work for now. i have a couple different emails too but i only really use 2...and just 1 for friends. i have my school email (clstonge@uncc.edu) and lynxyoukai@yahoo.com. of course, you only need to email me through the yahoo one because i check it all the time. i didn't know your email addresses before but now i do. so...i'll save them as contacts in my yahoo (^_^). i do hope you can come and see me. that would be so awesome...like i said, i'll keep my fingers crossed. hmm...i don't really have any other ramblings to do so...umm...ramble away *sits, waiting* (<-- i'm not very patient) lol
i sent you a pic....did you get it?....i guess you did and didnt like it so if you want we dont have to talk anymore....i guess that my rambling so far
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if you really wandt to love me i'll give you my heart as long as you dont break it. that is if you really want it....i mean i would understand if you wouldnt want it
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