a change of pace
I disabled my facebook account. I couldn't handle it anymore. just seeing her status messages kills me inside. I had to do it. I've had a pretty rough week, she actually called me to help me and give me advice. she had to go because "he" was coming home soon and couldn't talk too long and said she would call me friday. I wait all day friday for that phone call. I was crushed. finally texted me sorry saturday morning, I felt so unimportant and useless, but i understand now how it feels not to be called back when your heart longs so bad and your mind is so depressed. In a way I felt like I deserved it. she finally called me saturday and we talked for an hour. I thought the conversation would be one to put me at ease and help me in someway. instead it just ended up only being about her. how hard her work is right now and so on. even after I tried to direct it the other way, considering the reason she was going to call me was because she was worried about me. everything was how she was so stressed out with her boss out and about seeing rustys kids for the weekend. I finally spoke up and asked what rusty thinks about her stressfull work situation. Don't get me wrong, I would love to talk to her for hours non stop under a different circumstance. but listening to her stressfull day, which uselly helps her wind down is NO LONGER my place. why should I be the one having to listen to it when I have problems of my own, which she knows. and by the time she's done telling me about it she would be in a better mood, and only he will see the benefits of it. nothing was really solved for me, she gave me no advice, only more problems of hers. I just didn't find it fair. I don't mean to sound shallow or anything but when Im so close to completely breaking down and the conversation just consists of her stressfull week it gets to me.
I eventually had to cut her off, and I had to think for a moment. then told her not what I wanted to tell her, but what is true and what she needs to hear. I told her not to worry about the kids, because I knew she would be amazing no matter what. I told her she does need a one on one with her boss and she can get through this stressfull time. she was worried about rusty..... and I told her that jelliously and untrustfullness kills a relationship and to not worry so much, but keep her guard up.
I told her because it's the truth. she is an amazing person, and I want to put her above myself and my troubles. yeah I'm sad deep down inside because she's with him. but I want her to be happy, not miserable. I love her this much.
did I do the right thing? I hope so. I want her to come and talk to me about anything she feels nessessary, and not be afraid to. I want to give her advice she can actually use. am I just now taking the role of the weak nice guy? i dunno maybe. but maybe through all this it will help me somehow. or maybe it might make her realize that I will go to the end of the earth for her. I dunno. but I think and hope its healthy.
anyways school starts tomorrow. only have 2 classes left and meeting with a career counceler on wed. I just hope and pray something will work out for my future
I eventually had to cut her off, and I had to think for a moment. then told her not what I wanted to tell her, but what is true and what she needs to hear. I told her not to worry about the kids, because I knew she would be amazing no matter what. I told her she does need a one on one with her boss and she can get through this stressfull time. she was worried about rusty..... and I told her that jelliously and untrustfullness kills a relationship and to not worry so much, but keep her guard up.
I told her because it's the truth. she is an amazing person, and I want to put her above myself and my troubles. yeah I'm sad deep down inside because she's with him. but I want her to be happy, not miserable. I love her this much.
did I do the right thing? I hope so. I want her to come and talk to me about anything she feels nessessary, and not be afraid to. I want to give her advice she can actually use. am I just now taking the role of the weak nice guy? i dunno maybe. but maybe through all this it will help me somehow. or maybe it might make her realize that I will go to the end of the earth for her. I dunno. but I think and hope its healthy.
anyways school starts tomorrow. only have 2 classes left and meeting with a career counceler on wed. I just hope and pray something will work out for my future