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So I went for job interview today. There was a fre other people she had to interview too. She said they had like 7 spots to fill. She said she would call back tonight, and she did. I got to go for an orentation tuesday at 430, and i can't wear jeans(note to self). So I got the job. AHH I got a job. Lets see how long this lasts. Hopefully long, I need money, and I need to buy a car by the end of summer. I wasn't home when she called, my brother answered. I was at Leah's, and guess what he did to me. He called my mom and told her that i didn't get the job. So my mom calls me downstairs from LEah's room and was like call back Kyle. So I did and he sounded sad, he was like Taco bell called back, They said you were too young, I'm sorry. I go really. and sounded sad. And my mom's going in the background, it's ok kelsey, there'll be others, its only your first job interview. So then Kyle was like Just Kidding. I got huh? he goes they want you to come back. I was like really. He goes tuesday 430, oreintation, dress causual, no jeans, and I'm repeating it. And my mom was like what?..her mouth dropped. She goes I'm going to kill Kyle for doing that. I was like Kyle you scared me, don't do that. I was like, you shouldn't do that to a person. But i did get really excited. I'm going to be working at Taco Bell *The Adam hang out* ahah. I can't wait to start. Wow I bet most people aren't excited to work. But I am. I finally have a job.
So Monday yeaa..What a day. So going into monday I was already stressed. That Sunday night my pills didn't knock me out. So I literally started going crazy. Seeing people, creepy people. I was in my computer room, and people were jutting past the door way, like pale shadows. Then in the kitchen I looked out the window and there was a guy cruoched on the back porch roof. And then A another person ran across the explorer and turned it to water. It was wavy. Then the guy on the roof turned to a cat. I was really scared. I'm already freaked out by things hiding in the dark, and now this. I took my pills at 10, I take 3x the normal amount of a grown man, which is suppose to work within a half hour, and I didn't do to sleep till 2, after being up since 6am. Weird shit was happening that night. Things moving before my eyes, but I'm quite used to that, it happens all the time when I'm so sleep dedrived. I got used to my pen moving across the table, things are falling, moving about. Yea so that wasn't such a big deal. I was already upset from the weekend too. Nate didn't call me all weekend, I tryed calling him. And we didn't really hang out, I knew something wasn't right, that never used to happen. I was like great what did I do. So I was like monday I'll see him in school, I have gym with him 2nd period. So monday came..this story might not seem so bad to other people, but going thru it, it was a big deal to me...anyway...gym came and I was already upset, and I swear to god Nate was ingoring me, not even that he wouldn't even look at me, he wouldn't say hi. We did our "warm up walk around the gym" and he didn't even bother to come near me, he stopped on the opposite side, then after that when we all walkd into the weight room, i saw him just standing by the wall, not moving, not looking. I went into the weight room with christina and I was like huu. I got out my Latin Notes for her to study, and he walks in, I looked right at him, He turned away, he would not come near me, look at me or even say hello. I guess he left to go to another class derek said. I was trying to look for him to see what was going on, and I couldn't find him. So I was like all bummin' out and was like christina can you come with me into the hallway, I wanna tell you something and tell me what you think is going on. So I told her and she was like I don't know. I stayed in the hallway between the locker room and the other hallway, just staring down, picking my nail polish, feeling pretty bad. I didn't know what was going on. I was practically in tears. I didn't want to talk or see anyone. S near the end of c;ass christina goes there you are, she knew I was upset, she tryed to get my mind off things. I was like I don't know whats going on, he's ignoring me, I'm upset, I don't know what to do. The bell rang and we left. I couldn't look up, I walked and stared down, and she kept talking beside me. IN the hallway, it was crowded. All of a sudden Nate swips past me, side swipping me, and I saw him out of the corner of my eye, and he completly didn't look at me, didn't notcie, didn't care. Which I can't understand is possible when he says he didn't see me. He was looking right at christina before he pasted me, hit me and didn't even look. As soon as he passed I broke into tears. And not just crying, like crryyiinngg. Christina turns towards me and was just like omg. And was trying to calm me down. Now let me explain something for people to see me cry is a big things. I don't cry in front of people, especailly school. I don't think christina has ever seen me cryand I've been friends with Leah for 11 years and I only can remember ONE time where she has seen me cry, 5 years ago. So for me to just break out crying like that isn't something that ever happens, and doesn't happen for no reason. I walked to English balwing, dodging people trying to see what was the matter. Angel looked very concerned about me. I couldn't talk. I went thru Engish with my head down, I couldn't look up, really i couldn't stop crying. I had makeup everywhere. I didn't care. I sit in the back. I just put my hood up and sat there, in my big hoodie. I got better. So I was quiet. Then after Lunch NAte usually comes from art to my locker. Me and christina were walking to our lockers and I knew he was going to walk by. My heart started racing, I said fast to christina..I gotta get to my locker, I can't have him pass me again like before. I get to my locker and open it, get books out, you know, then he comes to me locker, like nothing. He was just like hi, with a smile. I stopped, stunned. I turned my head slowly, was I imagining things?..I was like hi..? very surprised. He was like what was that. I was like whats going on. He was like what. I was like what? whats going on? He was like I'm confused. I was like you, what about me. I started saying all this stuff, like I don't know whats happening, i'm confsued, why do I make stuff up. SO christina comes over and we start walking and I was trying to talk to him and christina started yelling at him, making things so much worse. That was the dumbest thing ever. So then he just walked away. It made things so much worse. I later told her that she has to stay out of our bisiness and leave it up to me and him, not me him and her. She can surport me, and confort me, thats why i told her what was going on, not get into it. If she does do that then I'm not going to tell her anything. I think she was upset at him bc he made me cry a lot. SO she goes to Latin and I get there, and I'm more upset then ever. I sit down and start haveing an axiety attack or something, so horrible too. I start not just shaking, but jerking, really bad. Hard to breath. I sit in the back and the only person next to me is Dan, I turn towards him and I could hardly talk. I was like should I go to the nurse. He was like you turned pure white, you should go. I went and I told her I needed to calm down. The beds were taken so I sat in a chair, turned around, shaking jerking, tearing. I could hardly breath normally or talk undertsnadably. The nurse looked concerned as did Dan. SHe tried to get my guildance concilor, and then when he wasn't t here, she tryed to find the school social worker, in other words a certitifed consulor. People were all staring, I didn't care, why should I. I was just beating myself down. TT was laying on one couch t laughing with Nina who was laying on the next couch...I was like yess real sick they are. TT offered her bed, I was just like noo, I'm ok, studdering away. I calmed down by 6th period math. I walked in and just put my hood up and my head down, everyone that walked in were like what's wrong. I was just like uhh. Even when class started and I lifted my head, people took one look at me and knew something was wrong. Everything seemed wrong. I was still shaking a little. I usually walk with Nate to my last class, Global. I needed to say I was sorry for chirstina. But of course the class got out late. I walked with derek in the hallway, and we wer talking bc he saw what happened to me in gym, and notcied Something was wrong. Near the class I see Nate and stop in front of him ready to open my mouth and say something when he pasted me, just saying I gotta go. That upset me alot. Just the way it all played out. I walked into class, and Amanda took one look at me and goes Kelsey whats wrong? I go nothing. She goes whats the matter I was like I don't know. I sit in front in his class, and she sits behide me. I pull up my hood, and lay my head down on the desk. I start shakin and jerking badly again. He was talking to Amanda and saw me. He was like Kelsey whats the matter. Is it your head. He knelt down in front of me and goes, your shaking. as i raise my head and start taking off my hood, he goes whats the matter, I just started crying. He goes omg, go to the nurse, someone take her to the nurse. So I went to the nurse once again. Which was sad bc the only reason I stayed bc was for his class. We had a big test the next day and he was reviewing. It was crucial. But I liad myself down on a bed this time. Amanda later told me, everyone was worrying about me, wondering what happened.I think everyone that saw me that day looked genuinely concerned about me, took one look at me and knew something was very wrong, everyone but Nate, of course. I didn't think he would have tho, after what happened earlier. I went back to class with like 2 minutes left. Mr. Raven is a really nice guy and understands. He wasjust like, try to calm down, it's hard to control. I went home, took a nap from like 330-4. Then called nate. I had to tell him what happened that day. I told him what I thought and he was like I wasn't ignoring you I didn't see you..blah blah blah. I find that hard to believe he didn't see me. When he knew I was in his class, hit my in the hall, i was right there, am I invisable to you. I might as well have been dead. I told him what happened to me. He was just like ohh...like it was nothing. He goes you have to learn to control yourself, and calm down. I was thinking, wow thanks for the concern about me, thanks for caring. Everyone else did, and the only person i wished cared, and wanted to make me feel better, didnt. He didn't seemto care. I got a real bad migraine that day/evening. It started 6th period. But nothing would help it later. I was dieing, I thought, like many times, I'd rather be dead right now then feel this much pain. Why do I have to be tortured? I couldn't do any work that night, so I couldn't go to school the next day. The next day I got a migraine too. I pushed thru it, I had to do some work. I think I called Nate that night, was teling him about my migraine and stuff, he didn't seem to care again. He used to. He was just like ohh. I was like thanks a lot, again. The way everything played out, how I felt, what was happening, It was all a big mess. The loniness I felt and the apathy in his voice, made it seem so much worse. Going thru that day was horrible. I really can't remember a worse day in school. It was worse then the day in middle school, 8th grade, when I had a wicked bad migraine, and the "sub" nurse wouldn't send me home. And I wondered the halls crippled, nearly crawling from the pain. Falling against the wall. I went stubbling into the office, they said its the nurses orders. Looking at them with my eyes half opened bc the light was too bright, I couldn't believe it. She wouldn't send me home bc i didnt have a temp. and since she was a sub. she didnt know me and who i was. Yea Monday was worse then that day. Even tho I told Nate about it, he didn't get it. Maybe he didnt see the extent of that day. Maybe somethings are going on with him. I know theres something going on. He upset and depressed I can tell. He won't really tak alot, I'll talk to him and he'll answer quick, with like a yeaa, or an ohh. He never wants to hang out or doesn't call me like he used to. He seems completly different. I tryed to ask him what was wrong. He got kind of deffensive when I asked. I guess he doesn't want to get into it, its undrstandable, but I still want to know what's wrong. I want to help but really can't without knowing. I want him to feel better. I actually planned for tonight, a de-stressing night for him. I had everything planned out, he said he was stressed by everything, so I wanted to unstress him. I was going to have him over, and he could have eaten dinner over hear. Then I was going to put on my purple lights, and light candles, give him a hydro .to relax his body, and give him massauges. I had the messauges planned out. He was be really relaxed, and I would have music going. I bought a package of cookies to make, that takes no time to make really, so i could have backed them, and there would have been fresh warm chocloate chip cookies. Then we could have layed on my bed and just watched tv or a movie. It would have been a really relaxing night. But I asked him what he was doing tonight in school, he said he was haning out with Ryan. So I couldn't do that tonight. Maybe I'll see what he's doing tomorrow, maybe I can still do that. It's a way of making him feel better, even tho I don't know whats going on. That's all I could think of concidering. I think it would still be nice to do. A good surprise to take his mind off things, and to show him I care about him. Maybe I'm just "hopeless romantic". Does that fit under the hopeless romantic catagorie? Maybe I just realy care and am really nice. After all I would want somebody to plan something special for me if I seemed like I needed it.
So Monday yeaa..What a day. So going into monday I was already stressed. That Sunday night my pills didn't knock me out. So I literally started going crazy. Seeing people, creepy people. I was in my computer room, and people were jutting past the door way, like pale shadows. Then in the kitchen I looked out the window and there was a guy cruoched on the back porch roof. And then A another person ran across the explorer and turned it to water. It was wavy. Then the guy on the roof turned to a cat. I was really scared. I'm already freaked out by things hiding in the dark, and now this. I took my pills at 10, I take 3x the normal amount of a grown man, which is suppose to work within a half hour, and I didn't do to sleep till 2, after being up since 6am. Weird shit was happening that night. Things moving before my eyes, but I'm quite used to that, it happens all the time when I'm so sleep dedrived. I got used to my pen moving across the table, things are falling, moving about. Yea so that wasn't such a big deal. I was already upset from the weekend too. Nate didn't call me all weekend, I tryed calling him. And we didn't really hang out, I knew something wasn't right, that never used to happen. I was like great what did I do. So I was like monday I'll see him in school, I have gym with him 2nd period. So monday came..this story might not seem so bad to other people, but going thru it, it was a big deal to me...anyway...gym came and I was already upset, and I swear to god Nate was ingoring me, not even that he wouldn't even look at me, he wouldn't say hi. We did our "warm up walk around the gym" and he didn't even bother to come near me, he stopped on the opposite side, then after that when we all walkd into the weight room, i saw him just standing by the wall, not moving, not looking. I went into the weight room with christina and I was like huu. I got out my Latin Notes for her to study, and he walks in, I looked right at him, He turned away, he would not come near me, look at me or even say hello. I guess he left to go to another class derek said. I was trying to look for him to see what was going on, and I couldn't find him. So I was like all bummin' out and was like christina can you come with me into the hallway, I wanna tell you something and tell me what you think is going on. So I told her and she was like I don't know. I stayed in the hallway between the locker room and the other hallway, just staring down, picking my nail polish, feeling pretty bad. I didn't know what was going on. I was practically in tears. I didn't want to talk or see anyone. S near the end of c;ass christina goes there you are, she knew I was upset, she tryed to get my mind off things. I was like I don't know whats going on, he's ignoring me, I'm upset, I don't know what to do. The bell rang and we left. I couldn't look up, I walked and stared down, and she kept talking beside me. IN the hallway, it was crowded. All of a sudden Nate swips past me, side swipping me, and I saw him out of the corner of my eye, and he completly didn't look at me, didn't notcie, didn't care. Which I can't understand is possible when he says he didn't see me. He was looking right at christina before he pasted me, hit me and didn't even look. As soon as he passed I broke into tears. And not just crying, like crryyiinngg. Christina turns towards me and was just like omg. And was trying to calm me down. Now let me explain something for people to see me cry is a big things. I don't cry in front of people, especailly school. I don't think christina has ever seen me cryand I've been friends with Leah for 11 years and I only can remember ONE time where she has seen me cry, 5 years ago. So for me to just break out crying like that isn't something that ever happens, and doesn't happen for no reason. I walked to English balwing, dodging people trying to see what was the matter. Angel looked very concerned about me. I couldn't talk. I went thru Engish with my head down, I couldn't look up, really i couldn't stop crying. I had makeup everywhere. I didn't care. I sit in the back. I just put my hood up and sat there, in my big hoodie. I got better. So I was quiet. Then after Lunch NAte usually comes from art to my locker. Me and christina were walking to our lockers and I knew he was going to walk by. My heart started racing, I said fast to christina..I gotta get to my locker, I can't have him pass me again like before. I get to my locker and open it, get books out, you know, then he comes to me locker, like nothing. He was just like hi, with a smile. I stopped, stunned. I turned my head slowly, was I imagining things?..I was like hi..? very surprised. He was like what was that. I was like whats going on. He was like what. I was like what? whats going on? He was like I'm confused. I was like you, what about me. I started saying all this stuff, like I don't know whats happening, i'm confsued, why do I make stuff up. SO christina comes over and we start walking and I was trying to talk to him and christina started yelling at him, making things so much worse. That was the dumbest thing ever. So then he just walked away. It made things so much worse. I later told her that she has to stay out of our bisiness and leave it up to me and him, not me him and her. She can surport me, and confort me, thats why i told her what was going on, not get into it. If she does do that then I'm not going to tell her anything. I think she was upset at him bc he made me cry a lot. SO she goes to Latin and I get there, and I'm more upset then ever. I sit down and start haveing an axiety attack or something, so horrible too. I start not just shaking, but jerking, really bad. Hard to breath. I sit in the back and the only person next to me is Dan, I turn towards him and I could hardly talk. I was like should I go to the nurse. He was like you turned pure white, you should go. I went and I told her I needed to calm down. The beds were taken so I sat in a chair, turned around, shaking jerking, tearing. I could hardly breath normally or talk undertsnadably. The nurse looked concerned as did Dan. SHe tried to get my guildance concilor, and then when he wasn't t here, she tryed to find the school social worker, in other words a certitifed consulor. People were all staring, I didn't care, why should I. I was just beating myself down. TT was laying on one couch t laughing with Nina who was laying on the next couch...I was like yess real sick they are. TT offered her bed, I was just like noo, I'm ok, studdering away. I calmed down by 6th period math. I walked in and just put my hood up and my head down, everyone that walked in were like what's wrong. I was just like uhh. Even when class started and I lifted my head, people took one look at me and knew something was wrong. Everything seemed wrong. I was still shaking a little. I usually walk with Nate to my last class, Global. I needed to say I was sorry for chirstina. But of course the class got out late. I walked with derek in the hallway, and we wer talking bc he saw what happened to me in gym, and notcied Something was wrong. Near the class I see Nate and stop in front of him ready to open my mouth and say something when he pasted me, just saying I gotta go. That upset me alot. Just the way it all played out. I walked into class, and Amanda took one look at me and goes Kelsey whats wrong? I go nothing. She goes whats the matter I was like I don't know. I sit in front in his class, and she sits behide me. I pull up my hood, and lay my head down on the desk. I start shakin and jerking badly again. He was talking to Amanda and saw me. He was like Kelsey whats the matter. Is it your head. He knelt down in front of me and goes, your shaking. as i raise my head and start taking off my hood, he goes whats the matter, I just started crying. He goes omg, go to the nurse, someone take her to the nurse. So I went to the nurse once again. Which was sad bc the only reason I stayed bc was for his class. We had a big test the next day and he was reviewing. It was crucial. But I liad myself down on a bed this time. Amanda later told me, everyone was worrying about me, wondering what happened.I think everyone that saw me that day looked genuinely concerned about me, took one look at me and knew something was very wrong, everyone but Nate, of course. I didn't think he would have tho, after what happened earlier. I went back to class with like 2 minutes left. Mr. Raven is a really nice guy and understands. He wasjust like, try to calm down, it's hard to control. I went home, took a nap from like 330-4. Then called nate. I had to tell him what happened that day. I told him what I thought and he was like I wasn't ignoring you I didn't see you..blah blah blah. I find that hard to believe he didn't see me. When he knew I was in his class, hit my in the hall, i was right there, am I invisable to you. I might as well have been dead. I told him what happened to me. He was just like ohh...like it was nothing. He goes you have to learn to control yourself, and calm down. I was thinking, wow thanks for the concern about me, thanks for caring. Everyone else did, and the only person i wished cared, and wanted to make me feel better, didnt. He didn't seemto care. I got a real bad migraine that day/evening. It started 6th period. But nothing would help it later. I was dieing, I thought, like many times, I'd rather be dead right now then feel this much pain. Why do I have to be tortured? I couldn't do any work that night, so I couldn't go to school the next day. The next day I got a migraine too. I pushed thru it, I had to do some work. I think I called Nate that night, was teling him about my migraine and stuff, he didn't seem to care again. He used to. He was just like ohh. I was like thanks a lot, again. The way everything played out, how I felt, what was happening, It was all a big mess. The loniness I felt and the apathy in his voice, made it seem so much worse. Going thru that day was horrible. I really can't remember a worse day in school. It was worse then the day in middle school, 8th grade, when I had a wicked bad migraine, and the "sub" nurse wouldn't send me home. And I wondered the halls crippled, nearly crawling from the pain. Falling against the wall. I went stubbling into the office, they said its the nurses orders. Looking at them with my eyes half opened bc the light was too bright, I couldn't believe it. She wouldn't send me home bc i didnt have a temp. and since she was a sub. she didnt know me and who i was. Yea Monday was worse then that day. Even tho I told Nate about it, he didn't get it. Maybe he didnt see the extent of that day. Maybe somethings are going on with him. I know theres something going on. He upset and depressed I can tell. He won't really tak alot, I'll talk to him and he'll answer quick, with like a yeaa, or an ohh. He never wants to hang out or doesn't call me like he used to. He seems completly different. I tryed to ask him what was wrong. He got kind of deffensive when I asked. I guess he doesn't want to get into it, its undrstandable, but I still want to know what's wrong. I want to help but really can't without knowing. I want him to feel better. I actually planned for tonight, a de-stressing night for him. I had everything planned out, he said he was stressed by everything, so I wanted to unstress him. I was going to have him over, and he could have eaten dinner over hear. Then I was going to put on my purple lights, and light candles, give him a hydro .to relax his body, and give him massauges. I had the messauges planned out. He was be really relaxed, and I would have music going. I bought a package of cookies to make, that takes no time to make really, so i could have backed them, and there would have been fresh warm chocloate chip cookies. Then we could have layed on my bed and just watched tv or a movie. It would have been a really relaxing night. But I asked him what he was doing tonight in school, he said he was haning out with Ryan. So I couldn't do that tonight. Maybe I'll see what he's doing tomorrow, maybe I can still do that. It's a way of making him feel better, even tho I don't know whats going on. That's all I could think of concidering. I think it would still be nice to do. A good surprise to take his mind off things, and to show him I care about him. Maybe I'm just "hopeless romantic". Does that fit under the hopeless romantic catagorie? Maybe I just realy care and am really nice. After all I would want somebody to plan something special for me if I seemed like I needed it.