sometimes there is a payoff
Alot of this week left me feeling as if I had royal pissed someone off and that my karma was shot to hell. I spent half of my time at work this week dealing with angry customers and basically trying to fix other people's fuck-ups. I hate talking to customers. I hate being bitched out for things that I have no control over and didn't even cause, but that's what happened. With three different people back to back and taking multiple days to resolve.
The thing that really bothers me about it is my own reaction. I get in an almost panic attack like state with a thudding heart and no appetite when I have to deal with hostile people. Yesterday, after most things got resolved, one of my co-workers asked if I thought when one thing comes up like this back to back if it means that its something you need to work on or something that you need to face to grow. As much as I'd like to disagree and say no, I have to agree with her and say that yes it probably does. Doesn't mean I have to like.
But today was a good day. My above mentioned co-worker (she's sort of my supervisor) got me a $10 gift card to Starbucks and said I handled everything really well. That was really nice. At my office we tend to get called out for any little screw-up, but rarely do we get noticed when we do a good job beyond are normal responsibilities.
All and all not a bad week.
I won't be around much this weekend. Tomorrow is my grandfather's (my mom's side) 87th birthday so I'll be out of town. I did go to the church I mentioned in a previous post. I'll probably write on that after I've been a few more times and know more about what I think.
and now a meme:
Here's a five subject meme. These subjects are from goddessdster
Reading
Well, I was never much of a reader until late high school, after I realized that I couldn't really be a writer if I wasn't a reader. But college is where I really found some of my favorite books -- ones I wouldn't have picked out for myself. Like The Poisonwood Bible, Oranged Are Not the Only Fruit. Things like that really shaped the books I'm attracted to now. I like books that hit a particular cord with me. Ones that can be heart breaking, but funny. Dark, but hopeful.
Writing
I'd go insane if I couldn't write. Writing helps me work things out in my head. It keeps me company. It keeps my brain going when it otherwise would turn to mush from the boredom of the day to day. I like getting lost in an idea or a character and seeing where things go, because I can plot all I want, but it almost never ends up the way I orginally saw it.
God
My desire to search for God started my second year of high school. I had been to my grandparent's church as a child (Baptist), when my mom was going through her own spiritual exploration, and I remember very dutifuly prayer as a little kid and having a blind faith. I don't really know when I lost that exactly. Maybe it was when my uncle didn't get custody of my cousin (there was a pretty intense custody battle and I remember praying that my uncle would win -- I don't know why that sticks out so clearly, but it does). But regaurdless of how, I quickly became disenchanted with the faith that had been presented to me my how life.
My second and third year of high school I needed spiritual answers. I had lost my dad's mom the winter of my sophmore year and then my mom's mom in the spring of my junior year, so I was hurting a lot, because both of my grandmother's were big parts of my childhood. This may sound odd, but I was worried about my dad's mom because I knew there was a lot that was never said, a lot of secrets, and I knew she hadn't always been the best mother or wife (though she was a really great grandmother). So I just needed answers and so I started exploring different churches, but always found something that made me want to stand up and scream "WAIT A MINUTE." And that continued into college where I started a more academic study of religions and formed an idea of God that I was comfortable with.
It's still forming in some ways and I'm still exploring. I've never not believed in a God, but I've never been able to buy the idea that there is only one path to get to him/her/it either.
You (which I think technically is me)
I never really know what to say when someone asks "so, tell me about yourself?" If you give me a subject or a question then I'm pretty open and honest. In fact I'll probably give more information than you really want to know.
Me (which is technically you?)
I so love and respect your ability to be honest and open about your feelings and fears.
The thing that really bothers me about it is my own reaction. I get in an almost panic attack like state with a thudding heart and no appetite when I have to deal with hostile people. Yesterday, after most things got resolved, one of my co-workers asked if I thought when one thing comes up like this back to back if it means that its something you need to work on or something that you need to face to grow. As much as I'd like to disagree and say no, I have to agree with her and say that yes it probably does. Doesn't mean I have to like.
But today was a good day. My above mentioned co-worker (she's sort of my supervisor) got me a $10 gift card to Starbucks and said I handled everything really well. That was really nice. At my office we tend to get called out for any little screw-up, but rarely do we get noticed when we do a good job beyond are normal responsibilities.
All and all not a bad week.
I won't be around much this weekend. Tomorrow is my grandfather's (my mom's side) 87th birthday so I'll be out of town. I did go to the church I mentioned in a previous post. I'll probably write on that after I've been a few more times and know more about what I think.
and now a meme:
Here's a five subject meme. These subjects are from goddessdster
Reading
Well, I was never much of a reader until late high school, after I realized that I couldn't really be a writer if I wasn't a reader. But college is where I really found some of my favorite books -- ones I wouldn't have picked out for myself. Like The Poisonwood Bible, Oranged Are Not the Only Fruit. Things like that really shaped the books I'm attracted to now. I like books that hit a particular cord with me. Ones that can be heart breaking, but funny. Dark, but hopeful.
Writing
I'd go insane if I couldn't write. Writing helps me work things out in my head. It keeps me company. It keeps my brain going when it otherwise would turn to mush from the boredom of the day to day. I like getting lost in an idea or a character and seeing where things go, because I can plot all I want, but it almost never ends up the way I orginally saw it.
God
My desire to search for God started my second year of high school. I had been to my grandparent's church as a child (Baptist), when my mom was going through her own spiritual exploration, and I remember very dutifuly prayer as a little kid and having a blind faith. I don't really know when I lost that exactly. Maybe it was when my uncle didn't get custody of my cousin (there was a pretty intense custody battle and I remember praying that my uncle would win -- I don't know why that sticks out so clearly, but it does). But regaurdless of how, I quickly became disenchanted with the faith that had been presented to me my how life.
My second and third year of high school I needed spiritual answers. I had lost my dad's mom the winter of my sophmore year and then my mom's mom in the spring of my junior year, so I was hurting a lot, because both of my grandmother's were big parts of my childhood. This may sound odd, but I was worried about my dad's mom because I knew there was a lot that was never said, a lot of secrets, and I knew she hadn't always been the best mother or wife (though she was a really great grandmother). So I just needed answers and so I started exploring different churches, but always found something that made me want to stand up and scream "WAIT A MINUTE." And that continued into college where I started a more academic study of religions and formed an idea of God that I was comfortable with.
It's still forming in some ways and I'm still exploring. I've never not believed in a God, but I've never been able to buy the idea that there is only one path to get to him/her/it either.
You (which I think technically is me)
I never really know what to say when someone asks "so, tell me about yourself?" If you give me a subject or a question then I'm pretty open and honest. In fact I'll probably give more information than you really want to know.
Me (which is technically you?)
I so love and respect your ability to be honest and open about your feelings and fears.