life
The realization of life hit me today. It happened when I told my two-year old nephew, once again, that auntie had to go 'bye-bye'. His response. He laid his head on my shoulder, hugged me for what seemed like an eternity of sadness, and said in a sorrowful voice "i miss you auntie".
The smallest things in life can make you stop and take a step back. My nephew is so young and he understands now that when I say that I have to go, he won't see me for a long time. By this time next year, I will pretty much be in Iraq. I was talking with my brother and I told him that it was a beautiful day. He asked me if it was because of the weather. I didn't reply but what I thought was this--it's a beautiful day because I'm with my family and at this time next year, there could be bullets flying overhead.
I have four days left to be home and it's harder to leave this time. I know what I'm going back to but I DON'T KNOW when I will be home again.
I have lost my selfishness due to my experiences, but I find it harder to cry at home. I can bawl in front of the people in my platoon--but while I'm here at home and I think of everything that is going to happen to me in the upcoming months, I cannot cry eventhough that is what I want to do. I'm afraid that if I cry, my parents and friends will know exactly how much it bothers me that I will be away from my family and in a hostile area.
It bothers me to leave love.
Do I want to run? Not at all. But I do have fear--fear of not coming home if sent.
The smallest things in life can make you stop and take a step back. My nephew is so young and he understands now that when I say that I have to go, he won't see me for a long time. By this time next year, I will pretty much be in Iraq. I was talking with my brother and I told him that it was a beautiful day. He asked me if it was because of the weather. I didn't reply but what I thought was this--it's a beautiful day because I'm with my family and at this time next year, there could be bullets flying overhead.
I have four days left to be home and it's harder to leave this time. I know what I'm going back to but I DON'T KNOW when I will be home again.
I have lost my selfishness due to my experiences, but I find it harder to cry at home. I can bawl in front of the people in my platoon--but while I'm here at home and I think of everything that is going to happen to me in the upcoming months, I cannot cry eventhough that is what I want to do. I'm afraid that if I cry, my parents and friends will know exactly how much it bothers me that I will be away from my family and in a hostile area.
It bothers me to leave love.
Do I want to run? Not at all. But I do have fear--fear of not coming home if sent.