while avoiding my homework...
I've made the very idiotic discison of putting off my homework untill now. I also know that i need more than a full day to do it. this means that i will have to be up tonight working on it as soon as i drag my ass away from my computer. (GAR)
this is what i have to do...
* AP Bio reading
*start AP psych readings of 40 studies that changed psychology (psych)
*read more of the boy who couldn't stop washing (psych)
*start my DSM project (psych)
* listen to '81 words' about how homosexuality got taken out of the DSM (psych)
*do my math (i dont like trig!)
*read through my chem chapters
it doesn't sound like much but that psych stuff is alot. it's all due this month and i dont want to think about what next month will be like. at least we will have a week off next month when it's Thanksgiving. hopefully teachers dont decide that because we aren't in school for a week they shold give us homework to keep us busy. i know that it's life and i should except the fact that homework happens but honestly, it's called a break for a reason. that means NO SCHOOL! not; "we're not in class so give us the work that we would do if we had school for the week."
i hate ap psych. with a passion. good thing i dont want to go into psych. i just wanted to take the class because i'm good at it. i thoguht it would be easy for me. the material is very east for it, it's just the amount of work they give. i personaly dont agree that reading all of the stuff that i am helps in the least bit. it's just time consuming. so far in the reading i haven't learned anything new, it's just teadious. i just have to stick it out untill the end of semester. then i can focus on my other school work. hopefully at that point my grades will go up in all of my other classes.
enough about school. if we want to get into my personal life at this point, there isn't much of one. i pretty much feel emotionaly closed off to people right now. i have this feeling in my heart like i just want to cry and i can't because that would mean that i have been hurt. i don't ever want that to show. not physicaly at least. about half of my close friends have boyfriends right now that they are really close to and have made them a major part of their lives. i either really miss my friends or im tiered of hearing about their boyfirends. i mean, i love them but when their boyfriends are around they are different people.
i must admit, i'm a bit jelous. i want some one to care about like that. it's like they are part of an elite club that i'm not a part of. i don't like it one bit. i know that sounds selfish but i can't help it. i want some one to love me like that. i want some one to cuddle with and kiss and to hold my hand. god i sound pathetic but it's the truth. feeling left out hurts.
the past is on my mind alot lately. i regret a lot of it. unfourtunatly it also was a good thing. the bad things have shaped me into who i am today and i have learned from them. that is one of the reasons that i feel emotionaly closed off to people right now though, i SAY i want a boyfriend but thats about it, i just WANT one. i don't think i could actually handle having one. i'm not ready emotionaly. all i really want is the boyfriend figure and that's not right. they are not there to just be there.
this whole entry has been a kind of rant. im sorry for that my i really needed to get this out. i've been thinking so much lately. sometimes i want to cry and other times i want to slit my wrists or something. i know i could never really do it but i think about it. i feel like one of those emo kids right now. poetry is nice at the moment. im so full of ideas but i cant write them all down because i don't have the time to. i usualy have to school work (which i try to neglect). this is such a long entry and i didn't mean for it to become so. i suppose now is a good time to stop before i get to emotional and really end up delaying my homework some more.
this is what i have to do...
* AP Bio reading
*start AP psych readings of 40 studies that changed psychology (psych)
*read more of the boy who couldn't stop washing (psych)
*start my DSM project (psych)
* listen to '81 words' about how homosexuality got taken out of the DSM (psych)
*do my math (i dont like trig!)
*read through my chem chapters
it doesn't sound like much but that psych stuff is alot. it's all due this month and i dont want to think about what next month will be like. at least we will have a week off next month when it's Thanksgiving. hopefully teachers dont decide that because we aren't in school for a week they shold give us homework to keep us busy. i know that it's life and i should except the fact that homework happens but honestly, it's called a break for a reason. that means NO SCHOOL! not; "we're not in class so give us the work that we would do if we had school for the week."
i hate ap psych. with a passion. good thing i dont want to go into psych. i just wanted to take the class because i'm good at it. i thoguht it would be easy for me. the material is very east for it, it's just the amount of work they give. i personaly dont agree that reading all of the stuff that i am helps in the least bit. it's just time consuming. so far in the reading i haven't learned anything new, it's just teadious. i just have to stick it out untill the end of semester. then i can focus on my other school work. hopefully at that point my grades will go up in all of my other classes.
enough about school. if we want to get into my personal life at this point, there isn't much of one. i pretty much feel emotionaly closed off to people right now. i have this feeling in my heart like i just want to cry and i can't because that would mean that i have been hurt. i don't ever want that to show. not physicaly at least. about half of my close friends have boyfriends right now that they are really close to and have made them a major part of their lives. i either really miss my friends or im tiered of hearing about their boyfirends. i mean, i love them but when their boyfriends are around they are different people.
i must admit, i'm a bit jelous. i want some one to care about like that. it's like they are part of an elite club that i'm not a part of. i don't like it one bit. i know that sounds selfish but i can't help it. i want some one to love me like that. i want some one to cuddle with and kiss and to hold my hand. god i sound pathetic but it's the truth. feeling left out hurts.
the past is on my mind alot lately. i regret a lot of it. unfourtunatly it also was a good thing. the bad things have shaped me into who i am today and i have learned from them. that is one of the reasons that i feel emotionaly closed off to people right now though, i SAY i want a boyfriend but thats about it, i just WANT one. i don't think i could actually handle having one. i'm not ready emotionaly. all i really want is the boyfriend figure and that's not right. they are not there to just be there.
this whole entry has been a kind of rant. im sorry for that my i really needed to get this out. i've been thinking so much lately. sometimes i want to cry and other times i want to slit my wrists or something. i know i could never really do it but i think about it. i feel like one of those emo kids right now. poetry is nice at the moment. im so full of ideas but i cant write them all down because i don't have the time to. i usualy have to school work (which i try to neglect). this is such a long entry and i didn't mean for it to become so. i suppose now is a good time to stop before i get to emotional and really end up delaying my homework some more.