11/26/1954
Today is my mom's birthday. In thirteen days, it will be the five year anniversary of her death. This time of the year is usually the most difficult for me. I remember in 2000, Thanksgiving fell on her birthday. A day or two previously, she fell into her "coma". I put that in quotes becuase I don't know if that's what it really was. Regardless, that's when she lost consciousness for the rest of her life.
We were invited to another family's house for Thanksgiving (Nov 23) that year. I remember having mixed feelings about going. I felt as if I were abandoning my mom on her when she was sick, but I also remember thinking that it wouldn't make a difference since she couldn't possibly know what was going on and that she wouldn't want us to all be sitting at home, depressed that night.
During that time, I was also sick with the flu. I had it for two weeks, so I was at home the entire time while she was sick. I remember after the first week or so of unconsciousness and irregular breating patterns, that she was on her way out. Nobody would tell me anything at the time, but I just knew it.
After another week of both of us being sick and her breathing patterns becoming even more abnormal (very infrequent gasps for breath), she expired at 6:30 a.m. on Saturday, December 9, 2000. I didn't cry then because I knew what was coming and I'd like to think that I had mentally prepared myself for when the time would come.
After the funeral and a week of Shiva (seven days of mourning the death of somebody Jewish), I was completely drained. There's a lot more I could say about the craziness then, but I'd rather not. I just remember that by the time I got back to school after having missed three weeks, it was really rough on me.
So every year around this time, although I'm not as much as a basketcase as I was then, I always feel very...off. It was only five years ago, but in some ways it feels as if this all happened an entire lifetime ago, and in others it feel as if it just happened yesterday.
The fact that it's not quite the end of break and campus is completely dead is making things more difficult for me. Normally I wouldn't be spending the entire day in my room, but since I've been back in DC, I haven't really left my bed yet...
We were invited to another family's house for Thanksgiving (Nov 23) that year. I remember having mixed feelings about going. I felt as if I were abandoning my mom on her when she was sick, but I also remember thinking that it wouldn't make a difference since she couldn't possibly know what was going on and that she wouldn't want us to all be sitting at home, depressed that night.
During that time, I was also sick with the flu. I had it for two weeks, so I was at home the entire time while she was sick. I remember after the first week or so of unconsciousness and irregular breating patterns, that she was on her way out. Nobody would tell me anything at the time, but I just knew it.
After another week of both of us being sick and her breathing patterns becoming even more abnormal (very infrequent gasps for breath), she expired at 6:30 a.m. on Saturday, December 9, 2000. I didn't cry then because I knew what was coming and I'd like to think that I had mentally prepared myself for when the time would come.
After the funeral and a week of Shiva (seven days of mourning the death of somebody Jewish), I was completely drained. There's a lot more I could say about the craziness then, but I'd rather not. I just remember that by the time I got back to school after having missed three weeks, it was really rough on me.
So every year around this time, although I'm not as much as a basketcase as I was then, I always feel very...off. It was only five years ago, but in some ways it feels as if this all happened an entire lifetime ago, and in others it feel as if it just happened yesterday.
The fact that it's not quite the end of break and campus is completely dead is making things more difficult for me. Normally I wouldn't be spending the entire day in my room, but since I've been back in DC, I haven't really left my bed yet...