Jan 17, 2004 21:24
Its windy, cold, and raining out side. Its just the way that I like it. Least that's something that makes me happy. For some awful reason my life has come to a complete standstill. Nothing at all this week has amused me. I really have no clue why I've come down with blues. Lets just put it like this. I fill like shit. I guess everyone fills that way once in a while. For me though, its been almost my whole life. Maybe it has been this whole week or maybe it's loneliness.
I'm going to describe this emotion that I'm feeling at the present time. I fill like i'm in a box where time just stands still. Its cold, dark and scary. Its as if i've lost time. Everything and everyone is gone. I'm just walking and crying out for someone to help me out. I cry and I cry and no one answers.
I know if your reading this now, you going to say "she's so stupid," " She's just feeling sorry for herself." I probably am, but i'm telling you the truth, I don't know what is wrong with me. I think i'm just seriously depressed or that time of the month is about to happen. Who knows really?
I know one reason why i'm so lonely. It's the only reason I could come up with. Ever since Christmas, it was the first time that i've actually spent time with Audi P. She lives so far away and its really hard when I need someone to talk too. Here in Decatur, I have absolutely no one to talk to about any of my problems. Yes, I have friends, but I have no one who I can actually trust enough to share my thoughts and emotions with. The ONLY person I have is Audi. She means the absolute world to me. Without her, i'd honestly would not be able to live. As a Greek philosopher once said, "Two people who are true friends are like two bodies with one soul." Audi is my other half. She's guided me, loved me, laughed with me, and shared wonderful memories with me. Now she's gone.
Its hard living here. Especially without anybody who you could just run up too and talk about anything that was either bothering me, or if it's just sharing my wonderful and sometimes devious thoughts with. This had just been on my mind lately and I thought I would start typing my thoughts down to make me feel a little bit better.