(no subject)
so, it only took me three days to realize that Don coming here was a mistake and not really what i need in my life, no matter how much I love him. it's so easy to hang onto ideas when two people are apart. I told him before he got here though that he was taking a risk, i just didn't expect myself to freak out as much as I did. yesterday was the most miserable day in my entire life; we got into a fight because i was freaking out about it, he wheedled me into everything being okay again, and then we went to dinner where we talked and i was honest and honesty sometimes ISN'T the best policy, I decided. We didn't make it through drinks.
my day ended with my parents backing me up when I decided that this was a mistake, he gave me the chance to make a decision because we never made it to making a deposit on an apartment yesterday. it was awful, though, it literally took my parents throwing him out of my house to break up with him because he was trying so hard to suck me back in like every other time i've tried to acknowledge that dating him is a mistake and gotten out. two needy people do not make a stable relationship, as much as he loves me I'm just not in love with him anymore. he's still a wonderful person but he deserves better than me and he's going to make someone happy, somewhere. I think he's going back to CO, but I'm not sure. Dad dropped him off at a motel near the airport and that's the last i've heard from him, he tried to text me last night but i couldn't answer him.
he left everything i've ever given him and i'll probably never see him again. i've done so much crying i feel like i've been hit by a truck. but i know i did the right thing. if he'd stayed here, i'd just not be happy, the same way I was in seattle so much with him. here i don't need someone to cling to, i thought maybe i could do it but i can't. so that's the end.
i have lots of phone calls to make. the MS clinic, the regular doctor, and I need to find a therapist. i've put the latter off for a very long time, and no better time than to start now, right?
my day ended with my parents backing me up when I decided that this was a mistake, he gave me the chance to make a decision because we never made it to making a deposit on an apartment yesterday. it was awful, though, it literally took my parents throwing him out of my house to break up with him because he was trying so hard to suck me back in like every other time i've tried to acknowledge that dating him is a mistake and gotten out. two needy people do not make a stable relationship, as much as he loves me I'm just not in love with him anymore. he's still a wonderful person but he deserves better than me and he's going to make someone happy, somewhere. I think he's going back to CO, but I'm not sure. Dad dropped him off at a motel near the airport and that's the last i've heard from him, he tried to text me last night but i couldn't answer him.
he left everything i've ever given him and i'll probably never see him again. i've done so much crying i feel like i've been hit by a truck. but i know i did the right thing. if he'd stayed here, i'd just not be happy, the same way I was in seattle so much with him. here i don't need someone to cling to, i thought maybe i could do it but i can't. so that's the end.
i have lots of phone calls to make. the MS clinic, the regular doctor, and I need to find a therapist. i've put the latter off for a very long time, and no better time than to start now, right?