(no subject)
"celebrate we will, for life is SHORT but SWEET for certain...
we climb on TWO BY TWO,
to make sure these days continue...
things we cannot change..."
i love that. life is in fact good. innately at least. originally. and that the only way we'll make it through to see another day is with each other. we cant do it alone.
anyways, random. those lyrics are so fitting though for everything thats been going on. maude getting sick, growing closer to certain people, growing apart from others. somehow we'll all make it through in the end. no cheap cliches. just the truth. maude is walking again. slowly but surely. the life came back to her right side, so she can now stand and support wieght on her right feet when walking rather than just dragging a limp limb. its hard to say whether shes genuinely happier or not, but she seems a little more relieved. i went with my mom monday (after gettng my face stabbed with a needle...but thats another story lol) to the vet in maitland to see dr melendez. because its stupid and impractical to spend several thousand dollars on a catscan of maudes brain that will only serve to confirm what everyone has predicted since the begining, she doesnt really know what else to do for maude, save taking a couple shots in the dark. shes guessing its still the cancer just relocalized, so maude started her second round of chemo. vinblasten (sp?) what a fucked up sounding drug. vincristyine, doxyrubicyn (the one that almost killed her), and on and on...i cant remember them all. toxic. all of them. the same drugs used on human cancer patients. it amazes me how something so presumably horrible for your body could prove so beneficial. i mean, i assume the drug does its job. at the expense of making maude look and feel like crap. but shes walking again. i know losing maude is going to rip my mom apart (and myself included). tina, the healer, went to columbia for a month...but shes still praying. all i can say is ive never seen maude so happy as when shes outside. its like everything shes feeling melts away to bliss. maybe thats just my ignorance of the situation speaking. but i look at her in those moments and just know she'll make it through...whatever that means now...i realize she has a terminal illness, she will die one day, but right now shes alive...and i think we should do everything we can to make her happy and help her see that she shouldnt be depressed, because she has no time to be depressed. she has us, her family. and she has herself. "celebrate we will, for life is short but sweet for certain...we climb on two by two to be sure these days continue, things we cannot change."
"its a universally acknowedged fact that whenever anything good is going on in your life, another part of it falls fantastically to pieces." i suppose maybe that describes the whole at home maude illness in comparison to the awesome relationship im developing with someone (although i just realized u may want to swap the quote around to fit the explaination...ah, whatever lol). i seriously cant remember a time in my life prior to this year where ive been to utterly and genuinely happy. people change...some for bad, and some for good. i absolutely love my friends. my real friends. i realize i should probably define "real" in this case, but im going to go out on a limb and assume of the few people that read this...you'd know if you're one of them lol. i mean, its weird, as stressful as this first semester should, and has in fact been, its like...balanced out. but enough rambling and back to what i was going to talk about. i never thought my life would have taken the turn it did relationship wise. im a pretty realistic kid. and its a non depressing type of realism. just, its there, and u move on. but i dunno. i put myself out there, no expecting a single thing in return, and i ended up face to face with one of the best things thats ever happened to me. its just one of those relationships that doesnt require the overkill of thinking everything else in life does. we talk constantly, and things are just easy and natural. and its just that feeling, of knowing that he's there for me, and knowing that id go out of my way to be there for him. and i know that must sound so generic, but i cant really describe it any other way. like...an invisible support? eh, i dunno. i suppose ill put an end to the repetative ramblings. i guess itall just goes back to appreciating the moments and being there for each other. i look backon last year and think thats why i was so unhappy. i was lacking both those outlooks. its exciting not knowing how things will unravel....and both good and bad, im enjoying the suspense to a certain degree.
so ive begun to loose my train of thought here...so im stopping. i suppose i should write in this more so i avoid these long...ridicuously long...self examination entries lol. anyways...hope break is going well for everyone. grades, family, the whole 9 yards.
peace& love, kids
we climb on TWO BY TWO,
to make sure these days continue...
things we cannot change..."
i love that. life is in fact good. innately at least. originally. and that the only way we'll make it through to see another day is with each other. we cant do it alone.
anyways, random. those lyrics are so fitting though for everything thats been going on. maude getting sick, growing closer to certain people, growing apart from others. somehow we'll all make it through in the end. no cheap cliches. just the truth. maude is walking again. slowly but surely. the life came back to her right side, so she can now stand and support wieght on her right feet when walking rather than just dragging a limp limb. its hard to say whether shes genuinely happier or not, but she seems a little more relieved. i went with my mom monday (after gettng my face stabbed with a needle...but thats another story lol) to the vet in maitland to see dr melendez. because its stupid and impractical to spend several thousand dollars on a catscan of maudes brain that will only serve to confirm what everyone has predicted since the begining, she doesnt really know what else to do for maude, save taking a couple shots in the dark. shes guessing its still the cancer just relocalized, so maude started her second round of chemo. vinblasten (sp?) what a fucked up sounding drug. vincristyine, doxyrubicyn (the one that almost killed her), and on and on...i cant remember them all. toxic. all of them. the same drugs used on human cancer patients. it amazes me how something so presumably horrible for your body could prove so beneficial. i mean, i assume the drug does its job. at the expense of making maude look and feel like crap. but shes walking again. i know losing maude is going to rip my mom apart (and myself included). tina, the healer, went to columbia for a month...but shes still praying. all i can say is ive never seen maude so happy as when shes outside. its like everything shes feeling melts away to bliss. maybe thats just my ignorance of the situation speaking. but i look at her in those moments and just know she'll make it through...whatever that means now...i realize she has a terminal illness, she will die one day, but right now shes alive...and i think we should do everything we can to make her happy and help her see that she shouldnt be depressed, because she has no time to be depressed. she has us, her family. and she has herself. "celebrate we will, for life is short but sweet for certain...we climb on two by two to be sure these days continue, things we cannot change."
"its a universally acknowedged fact that whenever anything good is going on in your life, another part of it falls fantastically to pieces." i suppose maybe that describes the whole at home maude illness in comparison to the awesome relationship im developing with someone (although i just realized u may want to swap the quote around to fit the explaination...ah, whatever lol). i seriously cant remember a time in my life prior to this year where ive been to utterly and genuinely happy. people change...some for bad, and some for good. i absolutely love my friends. my real friends. i realize i should probably define "real" in this case, but im going to go out on a limb and assume of the few people that read this...you'd know if you're one of them lol. i mean, its weird, as stressful as this first semester should, and has in fact been, its like...balanced out. but enough rambling and back to what i was going to talk about. i never thought my life would have taken the turn it did relationship wise. im a pretty realistic kid. and its a non depressing type of realism. just, its there, and u move on. but i dunno. i put myself out there, no expecting a single thing in return, and i ended up face to face with one of the best things thats ever happened to me. its just one of those relationships that doesnt require the overkill of thinking everything else in life does. we talk constantly, and things are just easy and natural. and its just that feeling, of knowing that he's there for me, and knowing that id go out of my way to be there for him. and i know that must sound so generic, but i cant really describe it any other way. like...an invisible support? eh, i dunno. i suppose ill put an end to the repetative ramblings. i guess itall just goes back to appreciating the moments and being there for each other. i look backon last year and think thats why i was so unhappy. i was lacking both those outlooks. its exciting not knowing how things will unravel....and both good and bad, im enjoying the suspense to a certain degree.
so ive begun to loose my train of thought here...so im stopping. i suppose i should write in this more so i avoid these long...ridicuously long...self examination entries lol. anyways...hope break is going well for everyone. grades, family, the whole 9 yards.
peace& love, kids