After only a very vague consultative process, which largely consisted of a committee of one deciding it was cold and something needed to be done about it, the following item has been added to the warmth-making appliances in my abode:
It has of course been promptly claimed by the Monster for his own use. Which is fine by me: I'm probably more flammable than he is. It doesn't actually make a crackling sound, and I did not stoop so low to acquire (read: have the money to buy) the model with the remote control, but it is toasty warm, and looks just the real thing, sans asthma-inducing smoke and the need to acquire firewood.
It should be forthwith a very heart (and feet) warming Winter.