(no subject)
I have not really updated my livejournal in like two months. Possibly because I really have not felt the need to.
Tomorrow is a tough day for me. It is my grandmother's unveiling. I cannot believe she has been gone a year. So much has happened this past year. So much has changed in my life and I have learned so much. The other night I decided to put everything that has been going through my mind in words. Mostly i wrote about the lessons I learned. It's kind of me on a soap box giving advice, but I don't really care if you do not agree with me. But if you are interested on what has been going on in my head the past two months, its long, but go ahead and feel free to
It’s been a little over a year since I last saw/spoke to Honey (my grandmother). Not a day goes by that I don’t miss her/think of her. I made a promise to her the day I said goodbye (I don’t remember if I said it out loud to her, but I know she heard it). I promised to make her proud. I promised that I would accomplish everything I told her I would. I continue to move forward everyday trying to fulfill those goals, remembering Honey’s strength.
So much has changed in the past year, from school to friends to even my outlook on life. The past two months I have probably been the happiest I have been in a long time. Of course I have times when I get down, but instead of being down or weeks, I work my way out in a day at most. Like Sam says in Garden State, “I'm not saying I don't cry but in between I laugh and I realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously.”
I think the key to happiness has been acceptance and change of sight. We all spend so much time worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. We forget that we are in the present and the present is where happiness lies. In High School, all I could think about was going to college and how I could not wait to go to college. I got to college and all I could think about was how much I missed my old friends, the way life was before college, and how much I neglected to cherish that moment. In reality, all that really matters is how things are right now.
Upon graduating high school and entering college, I believed a lot of the friendships I had would last me forever. I thought my group of friends was so strong and could not see anything tearing them apart. So when friendships faltered, I did my best to save them only to find that they failed again later on. Recently, I came to realize that I could not fight the inevitable. I accepted that although certain friendships may have worked in the past that does not mean that the friendship must work now. It also does not mean that the friendship will be dead in the future. But the only thing that does matter is that the friendship does not work now so move on and do not look back.
A close friend once told me that a friendship should not be draining. You should not have to work hard at it. Rather, it should come naturally. If you make a mistake and a friend cannot forgive you, their friendship is not worth your time and energy right now. All people make mistakes. If you already feel bad about it and that person makes you feel worse, then they are not worth it for the time being. If you make a decision that a friend does not agree with, they should still stand behind you no matter what. And if in the end your decision was wrong that person should be there to comfort you without saying I told you so. If they cannot support your decision, then they are not worth your time right now. (remember everything I am saying is not permanent because you cannot predict what the future will bring and to shut the door on the future right now is not a good idea)
A lot has changed this past year and nothing will ever change back, so for me to dwell on the past or long for it, simply wastes my energy.
The scariest part of life right now is that soon enough college will be over and it will be time to enter the “real world,” where we are fiscally responsible for our own lives (we already take care of ourselves right now since we are on our own at college). We find ourselves worrying about what we will do, when we will marry, if we will be successful etc. This semester I realized that I was absolutely miserable being a business major. I mean I would rather gauge my eyes out than have to take business classes for the next two years of my life. I had a choice…deal with it for the next two years because it does have its benefits or spend an extra year in college and actually enjoy what I am learning. So I asked myself what I love most what as of this moment can I see myself doing the rest of my life. The answer was simple, sports. I could spend the rest of my life talking about sports. I want to be a sportscaster or do anything else in the world of sports. Although I have three more years of college now, I know I will be ten times happier majoring in communications and minoring in kinesiology. I now have a goal for grad school (to go to Michigan and study sports management) instead of having nothing to work toward. I know I will be happy next year when I begin my internship in the USC football office because honestly what do I know more about than college football.
Someone recently said to me “If you told me three years ago that this is what my life would be like today, I would have never believed you.” The future ahead of us is unpredictable. While that thought scared the bejesus out of me a few months ago, it does not have the same effect on me now. If I do what will make me happy right now, the future will hopefully fall into place.
If I could recommend one self help book to everyone it would be “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.” We really worry and get upset over insignificant events and that is just such a waste of energy.
I know I have been really repetitive already, but there are a few points I want to reinforce. People come and go from our lives. Just because a person is not in your life currently, does not mean they will not return in the future. Sometimes it is good to build your life without certain people in it. There is always room for them later on. If they want to come back in, but you are not ready yet, that is okay too. If your friendship mans that much to them, they will wait for you to come around too.
The one thing I have not touched on is what plagues me the most, loneliness. It has been over a year and a half since I have been in a relationship and I have to admit that I do wish I could find someone to love. While my heart aches at times to the extent that I cannot ignore it that I cannot help but think what is wrong with me or why can’t I find someone, I eventually find comfort knowing that I ultimately can be happy being single, being myself; that I do not need someone else to make me feel whole.
I guess over the past year the best thing I have inherited is my grandmother’s outlook. Nearly everything can be twisted in such a way that you walk away with a positive thought. By doing that, your quality of life improves tenfold.
Live each day for what it is. Take each happening in your life and find the good. Do things to make the people who love you and you love proud. But most of all, do what makes you proud.
R.I.P Harriet Moss June 13, 1930-March 13, 2005
“If people we love die, then they our lost only to our ordinary senses. If we remember we can find them anytime with our hundred secret senses.”
EDIT: to go along with what I wrote...I was just reading old lj entries and in one I kept private i happened to find this and although I didn't remember this until I read it, it fits what I just wrote.
"As i was leaving my grandparents tonight my grandfather said to me enjoy life and my grandmother agreed saying enjoy it because right now is all you have."
Tomorrow is a tough day for me. It is my grandmother's unveiling. I cannot believe she has been gone a year. So much has happened this past year. So much has changed in my life and I have learned so much. The other night I decided to put everything that has been going through my mind in words. Mostly i wrote about the lessons I learned. It's kind of me on a soap box giving advice, but I don't really care if you do not agree with me. But if you are interested on what has been going on in my head the past two months, its long, but go ahead and feel free to
It’s been a little over a year since I last saw/spoke to Honey (my grandmother). Not a day goes by that I don’t miss her/think of her. I made a promise to her the day I said goodbye (I don’t remember if I said it out loud to her, but I know she heard it). I promised to make her proud. I promised that I would accomplish everything I told her I would. I continue to move forward everyday trying to fulfill those goals, remembering Honey’s strength.
So much has changed in the past year, from school to friends to even my outlook on life. The past two months I have probably been the happiest I have been in a long time. Of course I have times when I get down, but instead of being down or weeks, I work my way out in a day at most. Like Sam says in Garden State, “I'm not saying I don't cry but in between I laugh and I realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously.”
I think the key to happiness has been acceptance and change of sight. We all spend so much time worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. We forget that we are in the present and the present is where happiness lies. In High School, all I could think about was going to college and how I could not wait to go to college. I got to college and all I could think about was how much I missed my old friends, the way life was before college, and how much I neglected to cherish that moment. In reality, all that really matters is how things are right now.
Upon graduating high school and entering college, I believed a lot of the friendships I had would last me forever. I thought my group of friends was so strong and could not see anything tearing them apart. So when friendships faltered, I did my best to save them only to find that they failed again later on. Recently, I came to realize that I could not fight the inevitable. I accepted that although certain friendships may have worked in the past that does not mean that the friendship must work now. It also does not mean that the friendship will be dead in the future. But the only thing that does matter is that the friendship does not work now so move on and do not look back.
A close friend once told me that a friendship should not be draining. You should not have to work hard at it. Rather, it should come naturally. If you make a mistake and a friend cannot forgive you, their friendship is not worth your time and energy right now. All people make mistakes. If you already feel bad about it and that person makes you feel worse, then they are not worth it for the time being. If you make a decision that a friend does not agree with, they should still stand behind you no matter what. And if in the end your decision was wrong that person should be there to comfort you without saying I told you so. If they cannot support your decision, then they are not worth your time right now. (remember everything I am saying is not permanent because you cannot predict what the future will bring and to shut the door on the future right now is not a good idea)
A lot has changed this past year and nothing will ever change back, so for me to dwell on the past or long for it, simply wastes my energy.
The scariest part of life right now is that soon enough college will be over and it will be time to enter the “real world,” where we are fiscally responsible for our own lives (we already take care of ourselves right now since we are on our own at college). We find ourselves worrying about what we will do, when we will marry, if we will be successful etc. This semester I realized that I was absolutely miserable being a business major. I mean I would rather gauge my eyes out than have to take business classes for the next two years of my life. I had a choice…deal with it for the next two years because it does have its benefits or spend an extra year in college and actually enjoy what I am learning. So I asked myself what I love most what as of this moment can I see myself doing the rest of my life. The answer was simple, sports. I could spend the rest of my life talking about sports. I want to be a sportscaster or do anything else in the world of sports. Although I have three more years of college now, I know I will be ten times happier majoring in communications and minoring in kinesiology. I now have a goal for grad school (to go to Michigan and study sports management) instead of having nothing to work toward. I know I will be happy next year when I begin my internship in the USC football office because honestly what do I know more about than college football.
Someone recently said to me “If you told me three years ago that this is what my life would be like today, I would have never believed you.” The future ahead of us is unpredictable. While that thought scared the bejesus out of me a few months ago, it does not have the same effect on me now. If I do what will make me happy right now, the future will hopefully fall into place.
If I could recommend one self help book to everyone it would be “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.” We really worry and get upset over insignificant events and that is just such a waste of energy.
I know I have been really repetitive already, but there are a few points I want to reinforce. People come and go from our lives. Just because a person is not in your life currently, does not mean they will not return in the future. Sometimes it is good to build your life without certain people in it. There is always room for them later on. If they want to come back in, but you are not ready yet, that is okay too. If your friendship mans that much to them, they will wait for you to come around too.
The one thing I have not touched on is what plagues me the most, loneliness. It has been over a year and a half since I have been in a relationship and I have to admit that I do wish I could find someone to love. While my heart aches at times to the extent that I cannot ignore it that I cannot help but think what is wrong with me or why can’t I find someone, I eventually find comfort knowing that I ultimately can be happy being single, being myself; that I do not need someone else to make me feel whole.
I guess over the past year the best thing I have inherited is my grandmother’s outlook. Nearly everything can be twisted in such a way that you walk away with a positive thought. By doing that, your quality of life improves tenfold.
Live each day for what it is. Take each happening in your life and find the good. Do things to make the people who love you and you love proud. But most of all, do what makes you proud.
R.I.P Harriet Moss June 13, 1930-March 13, 2005
“If people we love die, then they our lost only to our ordinary senses. If we remember we can find them anytime with our hundred secret senses.”
EDIT: to go along with what I wrote...I was just reading old lj entries and in one I kept private i happened to find this and although I didn't remember this until I read it, it fits what I just wrote.
"As i was leaving my grandparents tonight my grandfather said to me enjoy life and my grandmother agreed saying enjoy it because right now is all you have."