Those years [7/?]
Zhou mi returned to his office after driving Leeteuk back to his USA dorm, stubbornly declining Leeteuk's invitation to go inside.
Amy came into his office and placed a file in front of him.
He briefly acknowledged her with a hum, thinking she would leave but she stood there and looked at him, a crooked smile on her lips.
“Yes Amy?” He frowned slightly.
“Are they the members of the band you were in?”
“They?” Zhou mi blinked, he didn't remember anyone else but Leeteuk coming into his office.
Amy sighed “Someone called while you were out, I offered to leave a message but they wanted to speak to you in something Asian so I recorded it.” She leaned forward to press a button on Zhou mi's office phone.
The phone beeped before a flurry of voices boomed out from it.
“Hello? Zhou- hyung stop grabbing me!” Donghae.
Some incoherent sounds then another voice
“Seasoning! It's your almight Heechul hyung, you basta-”
“Don't be rude hyung!” Another voice piped in, Ryeowook.
Another round of hushed whispers and hissing.
A sound of somenone breathing was heard, as if he had a hard time getting to the phone.
“Zhou mi, it's me Hangeng-ge” In chinese this time, Zhou mi closed his eye
Hangeng paused, as if not knowing what to say, then the phone was handed to another person.
“Say something!” Someone in the background urged, Eunhyuk.
Silence.
“Kyuhyun!” Someone hissed.
Silence.
Then the line went dead.
“It sounds....interesting...” Amy said, her lopsided smile in place. “But not like I could understand...”
She peered at Zhou mi's blank expression.
“I'll...er leave you to it.” She said, rushing out of the room.
Zhou mi buried his face in his hands, a wave of emotion suddenly rushing over him.
Nervousness, anticipation, nostalgia then fear.
It hit him suddenly, that they would have to meet soon, Super Junior was here and together they brought with them Korea, SM and the part of Zhou mi that he wanted to forget the most.
He suddenly felt helpless.
-
Henry showed up in his office again.
“Don't you have recordings to attend? Dance practices? Events? Isn;t your album coming out sometime next month?” Zhou mi frowned into his documents he was reading.
Henry didn't respond, it wasn't like Zhou mi would see him shake his head anyway.
“I apologized like you told me to.” Henry said flatly as he flopped himself onto Zhou mi's couch.
He knew Zhou mi tensed without even looking.
“....hm...and?”
“They made me give them your number.”
Zhou mi's head shot up “And?”
“I did, your work one though.”
Zhou mi sighed in relief. Well that explains the call.
Henry looked at him.
“You're not ready hyung, you don't want to see them.”
Zhou mi paused for a long while, then shrugged “I had lunch with Leeteuk hyung today.”
Henry scoffed “Fine, Leeteuk hyung. What about Kyuhyun then? Would you have lunch with him too?”
Zhou mi flinched “Why would you think he's any different?”
Henry looked like he wanted to say something, but he stopped himself before saying weakly “Because he was your best friend wasn't he?”
“He wasn't.” Zhou mi said quickly, barely letting Henry finish his sentence.
Henry looked up to see Zhou mi looking back at his documents, trying to will himself to read.
“To me, they're all the same.”
Zhou mi's fringe covers his eyes from Henry to see.
-
Kyuhyun's hand curled around his waist and the fans cheered.
Zhou mi smiled widely, as he leaned into the touch, he whispered translation into Kyuhyun's ear as the latter looked at him with a twinkle to his eye.
-
“Mum? I'm fine....yea, of course I've made friends! All my members are nice to me, don't worry!”
Zhou mi smiled as he heard his mother rambling to him “Oh you watched the show, yea....oh him? His name Is Kui Xian! Remember I told you about him? He's my best friend here!”
Zhou mi remembered the way Kyuhyun's arm would some to rest on his shoulders, his knee and the way he smiled to him, he can't help but to pour out praises for Kyuhyun to his mother over the phone.
-
Zhou mi stared at his laptop screen.
The Kyuhyun in the photo stares back at him mockingly, no matter how hard Zhou mi stares at the photo and wishes, he would never appear in it.
He sighs “Maybe next time....”
He took a brief moment scrolling through Kyuhyun's twitter and realizes he's seen all the previous entries.
He wonders if there is one entry that he had missed that has any mentions of himself, at least one?
“Half your blog is mentions of him and he's never once mentioned you in his!” One part of him screams.
“It doesn't matter! It doesn't mean he doesn't think of you as a friend!” The other part screams.
He wonders again, if Kyuhyun ever reads his weibo.
He knows the answer.
“It doesn't matter, he doesn't understand chinese.”
He willed himself to believe that part of his brain.
-
“Song Qian! It's your Zhou mi-ge! Want to go shopping today?”
“Ah! Ge ge! Sorry I'm eating with Kyuhyun and Changmin now!”
Zhou mi only let out a disappointed “Oh...” Before he remembered asking Kyuhyun yesterday if he wanted to do something today, to which the latter only grunted and said something along the lines of “Nah, I just want to rest...”
Zhou mi wonders if Song Qian is just using Kyuhyun and Changmin as and excuse and is actually seeing someone she isn't supposed to, like a date.
He hears laughter from Song Qian's end.
“Ge ge? Sorry! I'll make it up to you next time!” Victoria's aegyo-filled voice blocked the laughter from the reciever, but Zhou mi knew the laugh to well to doubt himself.
“It's okay, have fun.” He says, squeezing as much happiness into his voice as he can.
He realizes then, that Kyuhyun is much more important to him than he is to Kyuhyun.
He kind of feels sorry for himself.
-
He waited.
He waited for the moment that Kyuhyun will ask him “Do you want to do something together?”
Then he can reject him and see the disappointment on Kyuhyun's face for once.
It never happens, because Kyuhyun never asks.
Zhou mi realizes Kyuhyun hardly ever says yes when Zhou mi asks either, unless they're in China, because Kyuhyun doesn't understand Chinese and Zhou mi does.
He doesn't feel sorry for himself anymore, he laughs at himself instead.
-
“Who do you think is the perfect lover out of Super Junior M? Gui Xian?”
The fans exploded into a shouting match.
“Cheng min! Cheng min!”
After hesitation, Kyuhyun sighed “Ok, ok, Cheng min!”
The screaming was deafening.
Zhou mi didn't even know he was hoping for Kyuhyun to choose himself until he felt disappointment spread through him, but he smiled as he translated “Because Sungmin's a good person.”
-
He locks himself to the bathroom afterwards, staring at his reflection.
“You should have known better than to hope, Zhou mi.” He whispers at himself.
“Kyuhyun would never have chosen you. Super Junior belongs to each other, you're only a sub-unit member, a substitute.” He finds himself murmuring, his own words somehow manages to cause a throbbing pain in his chest.
He slowly placed his hand over his chest, the thudding of his heart reaches his palm.
“They don't really think of you as a member...you're just a free translator, Zhou mi.” He feels the sharp stag of pain on his chest “The fans don't like you, they like Sungmin with Kyuhyun, or Ryeowook, anyone but you. They don't like you.”
Pain. He smiles.
“They don't want you to exist!” He spits at his reflection “You exist though, because you're hurting now.”
He pauses and feels for the numb, throbbing pain again. The proof that he exists.
“Why do you even exist, Zhou mi?”
-
Zhou mi's eyes shot open and the light from his computer monitor had him wincing for a moment.
Dream. He sighed in relief.
“It's the past now...” He murmured to himself.
That Zhou mi is in the past.
Henry lets out a loud snore from the couch.
Zhou mi pours himself some coffee then sat back down to his paper work.
He takes a sip of the dark liquid.
“Don't fall asleep Zhou mi....” He mentally reminds himself.
Amy came into his office and placed a file in front of him.
He briefly acknowledged her with a hum, thinking she would leave but she stood there and looked at him, a crooked smile on her lips.
“Yes Amy?” He frowned slightly.
“Are they the members of the band you were in?”
“They?” Zhou mi blinked, he didn't remember anyone else but Leeteuk coming into his office.
Amy sighed “Someone called while you were out, I offered to leave a message but they wanted to speak to you in something Asian so I recorded it.” She leaned forward to press a button on Zhou mi's office phone.
The phone beeped before a flurry of voices boomed out from it.
“Hello? Zhou- hyung stop grabbing me!” Donghae.
Some incoherent sounds then another voice
“Seasoning! It's your almight Heechul hyung, you basta-”
“Don't be rude hyung!” Another voice piped in, Ryeowook.
Another round of hushed whispers and hissing.
A sound of somenone breathing was heard, as if he had a hard time getting to the phone.
“Zhou mi, it's me Hangeng-ge” In chinese this time, Zhou mi closed his eye
Hangeng paused, as if not knowing what to say, then the phone was handed to another person.
“Say something!” Someone in the background urged, Eunhyuk.
Silence.
“Kyuhyun!” Someone hissed.
Silence.
Then the line went dead.
“It sounds....interesting...” Amy said, her lopsided smile in place. “But not like I could understand...”
She peered at Zhou mi's blank expression.
“I'll...er leave you to it.” She said, rushing out of the room.
Zhou mi buried his face in his hands, a wave of emotion suddenly rushing over him.
Nervousness, anticipation, nostalgia then fear.
It hit him suddenly, that they would have to meet soon, Super Junior was here and together they brought with them Korea, SM and the part of Zhou mi that he wanted to forget the most.
He suddenly felt helpless.
-
Henry showed up in his office again.
“Don't you have recordings to attend? Dance practices? Events? Isn;t your album coming out sometime next month?” Zhou mi frowned into his documents he was reading.
Henry didn't respond, it wasn't like Zhou mi would see him shake his head anyway.
“I apologized like you told me to.” Henry said flatly as he flopped himself onto Zhou mi's couch.
He knew Zhou mi tensed without even looking.
“....hm...and?”
“They made me give them your number.”
Zhou mi's head shot up “And?”
“I did, your work one though.”
Zhou mi sighed in relief. Well that explains the call.
Henry looked at him.
“You're not ready hyung, you don't want to see them.”
Zhou mi paused for a long while, then shrugged “I had lunch with Leeteuk hyung today.”
Henry scoffed “Fine, Leeteuk hyung. What about Kyuhyun then? Would you have lunch with him too?”
Zhou mi flinched “Why would you think he's any different?”
Henry looked like he wanted to say something, but he stopped himself before saying weakly “Because he was your best friend wasn't he?”
“He wasn't.” Zhou mi said quickly, barely letting Henry finish his sentence.
Henry looked up to see Zhou mi looking back at his documents, trying to will himself to read.
“To me, they're all the same.”
Zhou mi's fringe covers his eyes from Henry to see.
-
Kyuhyun's hand curled around his waist and the fans cheered.
Zhou mi smiled widely, as he leaned into the touch, he whispered translation into Kyuhyun's ear as the latter looked at him with a twinkle to his eye.
-
“Mum? I'm fine....yea, of course I've made friends! All my members are nice to me, don't worry!”
Zhou mi smiled as he heard his mother rambling to him “Oh you watched the show, yea....oh him? His name Is Kui Xian! Remember I told you about him? He's my best friend here!”
Zhou mi remembered the way Kyuhyun's arm would some to rest on his shoulders, his knee and the way he smiled to him, he can't help but to pour out praises for Kyuhyun to his mother over the phone.
-
Zhou mi stared at his laptop screen.
The Kyuhyun in the photo stares back at him mockingly, no matter how hard Zhou mi stares at the photo and wishes, he would never appear in it.
He sighs “Maybe next time....”
He took a brief moment scrolling through Kyuhyun's twitter and realizes he's seen all the previous entries.
He wonders if there is one entry that he had missed that has any mentions of himself, at least one?
“Half your blog is mentions of him and he's never once mentioned you in his!” One part of him screams.
“It doesn't matter! It doesn't mean he doesn't think of you as a friend!” The other part screams.
He wonders again, if Kyuhyun ever reads his weibo.
He knows the answer.
“It doesn't matter, he doesn't understand chinese.”
He willed himself to believe that part of his brain.
-
“Song Qian! It's your Zhou mi-ge! Want to go shopping today?”
“Ah! Ge ge! Sorry I'm eating with Kyuhyun and Changmin now!”
Zhou mi only let out a disappointed “Oh...” Before he remembered asking Kyuhyun yesterday if he wanted to do something today, to which the latter only grunted and said something along the lines of “Nah, I just want to rest...”
Zhou mi wonders if Song Qian is just using Kyuhyun and Changmin as and excuse and is actually seeing someone she isn't supposed to, like a date.
He hears laughter from Song Qian's end.
“Ge ge? Sorry! I'll make it up to you next time!” Victoria's aegyo-filled voice blocked the laughter from the reciever, but Zhou mi knew the laugh to well to doubt himself.
“It's okay, have fun.” He says, squeezing as much happiness into his voice as he can.
He realizes then, that Kyuhyun is much more important to him than he is to Kyuhyun.
He kind of feels sorry for himself.
-
He waited.
He waited for the moment that Kyuhyun will ask him “Do you want to do something together?”
Then he can reject him and see the disappointment on Kyuhyun's face for once.
It never happens, because Kyuhyun never asks.
Zhou mi realizes Kyuhyun hardly ever says yes when Zhou mi asks either, unless they're in China, because Kyuhyun doesn't understand Chinese and Zhou mi does.
He doesn't feel sorry for himself anymore, he laughs at himself instead.
-
“Who do you think is the perfect lover out of Super Junior M? Gui Xian?”
The fans exploded into a shouting match.
“Cheng min! Cheng min!”
After hesitation, Kyuhyun sighed “Ok, ok, Cheng min!”
The screaming was deafening.
Zhou mi didn't even know he was hoping for Kyuhyun to choose himself until he felt disappointment spread through him, but he smiled as he translated “Because Sungmin's a good person.”
-
He locks himself to the bathroom afterwards, staring at his reflection.
“You should have known better than to hope, Zhou mi.” He whispers at himself.
“Kyuhyun would never have chosen you. Super Junior belongs to each other, you're only a sub-unit member, a substitute.” He finds himself murmuring, his own words somehow manages to cause a throbbing pain in his chest.
He slowly placed his hand over his chest, the thudding of his heart reaches his palm.
“They don't really think of you as a member...you're just a free translator, Zhou mi.” He feels the sharp stag of pain on his chest “The fans don't like you, they like Sungmin with Kyuhyun, or Ryeowook, anyone but you. They don't like you.”
Pain. He smiles.
“They don't want you to exist!” He spits at his reflection “You exist though, because you're hurting now.”
He pauses and feels for the numb, throbbing pain again. The proof that he exists.
“Why do you even exist, Zhou mi?”
-
Zhou mi's eyes shot open and the light from his computer monitor had him wincing for a moment.
Dream. He sighed in relief.
“It's the past now...” He murmured to himself.
That Zhou mi is in the past.
Henry lets out a loud snore from the couch.
Zhou mi pours himself some coffee then sat back down to his paper work.
He takes a sip of the dark liquid.
“Don't fall asleep Zhou mi....” He mentally reminds himself.