9 months in dark places
Well it has officially been nine months since I got laid off and my year of hell began. Wow. I could have gotten pregnant and had a baby in that time. Instead, in November, I (and about 60% of my co-workers) got laid off from the newspaper. I loved that job. It was the essence of what I wanted...something creative and stimulating that was different and the same every day. But alas, it ended.
Then a week later, I had to watch the man I love walk down the aisle with someone else (though in hindsight, I am better off for that one.)
Then a week later, was the car accident that left me okay, but my little red Nissan totalled.
Then a week later, my beloved dog Eddie died.
I could've handled everything else if only I hadn't lost him. And now it has been months and I am nowhere different than where I was the day after I got laid off. I have been in darkness and uncertainty, and even now I don't know what is to become of me or how to balance the requirements of my heart with the requirements of my faith and my duty to my family. I am tired of this place. I have tried to find solace in the arts, but although I am moderately talented, I am sadly unpolished and continue to function at only a fraction of my potential. That sucks. Not good for the self-esteem.
I hate looking in the mirror and not knowing the person looking back. I have to figure something out before it becomes one year.
I've been through all the official "steps" in the mourning process. Time to move on. I qualify for 99 weeks of unemployment. I think I'm going to save every penny and just go before this place my final destiny. It can't be.
Then a week later, I had to watch the man I love walk down the aisle with someone else (though in hindsight, I am better off for that one.)
Then a week later, was the car accident that left me okay, but my little red Nissan totalled.
Then a week later, my beloved dog Eddie died.
I could've handled everything else if only I hadn't lost him. And now it has been months and I am nowhere different than where I was the day after I got laid off. I have been in darkness and uncertainty, and even now I don't know what is to become of me or how to balance the requirements of my heart with the requirements of my faith and my duty to my family. I am tired of this place. I have tried to find solace in the arts, but although I am moderately talented, I am sadly unpolished and continue to function at only a fraction of my potential. That sucks. Not good for the self-esteem.
I hate looking in the mirror and not knowing the person looking back. I have to figure something out before it becomes one year.
I've been through all the official "steps" in the mourning process. Time to move on. I qualify for 99 weeks of unemployment. I think I'm going to save every penny and just go before this place my final destiny. It can't be.