Actively pursuing LJ-hood
Nearly a year and a half I've been on LJ. So far, I've posted 17 entries. Lame? Somewhat. A close friend convinced me the other day to finally make use of all this space I have before me. And to be honest, it's kind of nerve-racking. Yeah, yeah, it's a personal thing. I'm supposed to be able to talk freely on livejournal. Rant if I must, blog or blab about my life. But honest question: don't you feel so exposed? I've believed for a time now that blogs are too open, too available. It's like wearing your heart on your sleeve or making yourself into an open book. Once I criticized my older sister for keeping a blog because she wrote down any personal thoughts, and anyone could read it (she found out later). I explained to her my dislike for blogs [10-46]: "They're too personal to be posed online. People make themselves too vulnerable." She heard me out and then hit a nerve, saying, "I think you're just scared of being vulnerable." To think, I agreed with her for once.
I'm writing in my blog a month and a half after that conversation. It's easier to write because I know that many people don't have access to this blog. For now, I'm anonymous. Blank slate. X. It's easier to think that I'm writing not about myself, but some other faraway person. Because really, LJ isn't for RL. It's for fandoms.
Right now, I'm breaking my own rules I set for myself. I think that's got to be the worst sin of all. Betraying yourself and your principles, with hopes of breaking the barriers I cast around myself, barriers that aren't necessarily wrong, but simply out of the ordinary.
How melodramatic of me. This doesn't make any sense.
I'm writing in my blog a month and a half after that conversation. It's easier to write because I know that many people don't have access to this blog. For now, I'm anonymous. Blank slate. X. It's easier to think that I'm writing not about myself, but some other faraway person. Because really, LJ isn't for RL. It's for fandoms.
Right now, I'm breaking my own rules I set for myself. I think that's got to be the worst sin of all. Betraying yourself and your principles, with hopes of breaking the barriers I cast around myself, barriers that aren't necessarily wrong, but simply out of the ordinary.
How melodramatic of me. This doesn't make any sense.