(no subject)
Yesterday was probably the stupidest day ever. Right from when I woke up through the end of my shift was just nonstop stupidity. First I had to get up ridiculously early to go to my Autopac appointment. I got up at 10 which isn't all that early until you realize that I work until 2:15 in the morning every day this week. So I made it to Autopac on time but because I hadn't made a police report for a hit and run claim they couldn't release my estimate. That's basically fine though since I'm in no rush to be without my car for a week to replace a stupid bumper.
I bought an iRiver yesterday, which was just about the only thing that went right. It cost $50 more than an iPod Shuffle, but it looks so much cooler and it has an LCD screen. So I dropped $260 something on that but I'm REALLY happy with it since I can listen to music at work now. I really thought it would distract me while I was on a call but it turned out to just be a nice background sound.
With that out of the way, more stupid stories for everyone, straight from SPA 22 (big surprise there) to my keyboard and then to your fragile souls:
So John something or other (for once the story doesn't happen to be about a Latin woman) gets connected to me. Seems like a normal call, he can't surf because every time he opens his browser it says "The page cannot be displayed". So the normal troubleshooting applies and I went on with it. First, kill the power on the modem (and their router if they have one) and after five seconds plug it back in (then once the modem acquires a signal and an IP address plug the router back in if they have one), and if they have any operating system other than Windows XP their computer needs to be completely shut off while this is done and then powered back on last. Sounds simple right? It is. It's probably the simplest thing in the world to accomplish. Basically it's a great test to see how well your customer follows directions while hopefully getting them back online at the same time. Comcast calls it a Power Cycle, I call it the Idiot Test. You wouldn't believe the amount of people who just unplug everything and plug it right back in even though I've specifically said "We're going to leave everything unplugged for a few seconds."
John was unfortunately one of these dumb people. After ten minutes trying to accomplish a successful Power Cycle, he finally did it correctly. Victory! Next step is to check and see if that did the trick. He opens his browser and immediately gets "The page cannot be displayed". Dammit! Next check the IP address. John claimed that he didn't have a router so I got to skip the whole possible router fiasco with the Power Cycle and I was pretty thankful for that. Now even though I always make it a point to ask specifically if their "modem is plugged directly into their computer" when they tell me that they don't have a router "or is there another little box in between that may be labelled Linksys or D-Link or possibly something else", it's unbelievable how many people say no after I probe them about it and they wind up having a router and are just too stuck up to check for a third little box.
So then I check the IP address. If it's 192.168.x.x they usually have a router although not always. A 192 IP is generally assigned as a default by a router and if they don't have one there's a serious issue there. If it's 169.254.x.x there's a bad connection somewhere between the modem and the NIC (Network Interface Card). If their Ethernet cable is securely plugged in then I uninstall the NIC's drivers and reinstall them right away. That can usually fix the bad 169 IP but if it doesn't, and their TCP/IP settings are configured to dynamically acquire the IP address properly, then I'm able to get rid of the customer by sending them to their OEM (Original Equipment Manufacturer) on the grounds that their NIC is faulty. If the IP is 0.0.0.0 then their IP has been released and it just needs to be renewed although that only works about half the time. Anything else is a good IP aside from a 10.x.x.x if they're using a MAC with an Airport (Apple's own wireless router) which is just the equivalent of a 192 IP on a Windows computer.
So John's IP was 67.x.x.x which is always a valid IP address. Hooray! Let's see if he can surf now! John opens his browser and right away "The page cannot be displayed". FUCK!
Okay now it's time to check the last possible problem, does he have his browser configured to use a proxy? I don't know what the hell those are for but I do know that Comcast doesn't support them and that if they have a proxy server enabled then right away they won't get any connection. So we open up his proxy settings and sure enough he has a proxy enabled. Okay, I wish I'd thought to check this half an hour ago, god dammit. He closes his browser just to make 100% sure that those settings take effect. He opens it again. "The page cannot be displayed". AAAAAAARRRGH!
At this point I don't know WHAT the hell to do. So I asked him to try to surf to a website. I usually send people to www.red.com because it's small and loads quickly. So he gave it a try. Then he says to me "Red: the color of life". WHAT? IT WORKED? So I got him to close his browser and open it again. "The page cannot be displayed". So I asked him to try surfing to google.com. It loaded just fine. So I got him to open his Internet Options again. His home page was set to the "The page cannot be displayed" error page.
I don't know how ANYONE could be this stupid. I don't know if a bomb went off in SPA 22 or if they're just all inbred hicks or if maybe they ate some bad meat that was steaming and reeking, but they're ALL FUCKING IDIOTS!
And that was my day at work yesterday.
I bought an iRiver yesterday, which was just about the only thing that went right. It cost $50 more than an iPod Shuffle, but it looks so much cooler and it has an LCD screen. So I dropped $260 something on that but I'm REALLY happy with it since I can listen to music at work now. I really thought it would distract me while I was on a call but it turned out to just be a nice background sound.
With that out of the way, more stupid stories for everyone, straight from SPA 22 (big surprise there) to my keyboard and then to your fragile souls:
So John something or other (for once the story doesn't happen to be about a Latin woman) gets connected to me. Seems like a normal call, he can't surf because every time he opens his browser it says "The page cannot be displayed". So the normal troubleshooting applies and I went on with it. First, kill the power on the modem (and their router if they have one) and after five seconds plug it back in (then once the modem acquires a signal and an IP address plug the router back in if they have one), and if they have any operating system other than Windows XP their computer needs to be completely shut off while this is done and then powered back on last. Sounds simple right? It is. It's probably the simplest thing in the world to accomplish. Basically it's a great test to see how well your customer follows directions while hopefully getting them back online at the same time. Comcast calls it a Power Cycle, I call it the Idiot Test. You wouldn't believe the amount of people who just unplug everything and plug it right back in even though I've specifically said "We're going to leave everything unplugged for a few seconds."
John was unfortunately one of these dumb people. After ten minutes trying to accomplish a successful Power Cycle, he finally did it correctly. Victory! Next step is to check and see if that did the trick. He opens his browser and immediately gets "The page cannot be displayed". Dammit! Next check the IP address. John claimed that he didn't have a router so I got to skip the whole possible router fiasco with the Power Cycle and I was pretty thankful for that. Now even though I always make it a point to ask specifically if their "modem is plugged directly into their computer" when they tell me that they don't have a router "or is there another little box in between that may be labelled Linksys or D-Link or possibly something else", it's unbelievable how many people say no after I probe them about it and they wind up having a router and are just too stuck up to check for a third little box.
So then I check the IP address. If it's 192.168.x.x they usually have a router although not always. A 192 IP is generally assigned as a default by a router and if they don't have one there's a serious issue there. If it's 169.254.x.x there's a bad connection somewhere between the modem and the NIC (Network Interface Card). If their Ethernet cable is securely plugged in then I uninstall the NIC's drivers and reinstall them right away. That can usually fix the bad 169 IP but if it doesn't, and their TCP/IP settings are configured to dynamically acquire the IP address properly, then I'm able to get rid of the customer by sending them to their OEM (Original Equipment Manufacturer) on the grounds that their NIC is faulty. If the IP is 0.0.0.0 then their IP has been released and it just needs to be renewed although that only works about half the time. Anything else is a good IP aside from a 10.x.x.x if they're using a MAC with an Airport (Apple's own wireless router) which is just the equivalent of a 192 IP on a Windows computer.
So John's IP was 67.x.x.x which is always a valid IP address. Hooray! Let's see if he can surf now! John opens his browser and right away "The page cannot be displayed". FUCK!
Okay now it's time to check the last possible problem, does he have his browser configured to use a proxy? I don't know what the hell those are for but I do know that Comcast doesn't support them and that if they have a proxy server enabled then right away they won't get any connection. So we open up his proxy settings and sure enough he has a proxy enabled. Okay, I wish I'd thought to check this half an hour ago, god dammit. He closes his browser just to make 100% sure that those settings take effect. He opens it again. "The page cannot be displayed". AAAAAAARRRGH!
At this point I don't know WHAT the hell to do. So I asked him to try to surf to a website. I usually send people to www.red.com because it's small and loads quickly. So he gave it a try. Then he says to me "Red: the color of life". WHAT? IT WORKED? So I got him to close his browser and open it again. "The page cannot be displayed". So I asked him to try surfing to google.com. It loaded just fine. So I got him to open his Internet Options again. His home page was set to the "The page cannot be displayed" error page.
I don't know how ANYONE could be this stupid. I don't know if a bomb went off in SPA 22 or if they're just all inbred hicks or if maybe they ate some bad meat that was steaming and reeking, but they're ALL FUCKING IDIOTS!
And that was my day at work yesterday.