I don't want to quit-quit school. Just. Really. All these bullshit classes are just that, and it'd be different if I NEEDED them for whatever I really want to do, but...
I think that's my biggest problem.
I have to find something to do that really helps the world and society. I mean, other than in ways that inspire or make feel better, like writing and music and art, I need to do something that helps the world's very bad predicament RIGHT NOW. Something that's fun and just for me doesn't feel right for two reasons.
1. That isn't really helping anyone in very immediate ways.
2. I don't even know what I'd want in that case ANYWAY, so I might as well go for something better for everyone.
I just have no idea what that would be. Can't be a doctor cause I can't handle it. I did consider teaching for a while, but it doesn't feel right.
And even if I don't chose one of the many "LETS SAVE PEOPLE" options and work on that on the side, I still can't even imagine what I could do for a living anyway.
I thought about working at an orphanage. I'm still considering it.
In the end, it comes down to I'm wishy washy, which gets me nowhere, and lazy on top of it, which is just worse. Eliminate one, though, and hopefully I can get rid of the other.
I think it's funny that you admire what I've set out to do but you don't think that it's good enough for yourself.
Writing an inspirational, relatable and entertaining book is a lot more helpful than I think you realize. Making a great movie is the same. Books and films change people's lives every day, I think you're underestimating the power of that.
You can't save the world by yourself. And maybe you're forgetting that sometimes even high-ups like Doctors can't save a life- sometimes, THEY actually destroy that life, usually on acccident of course, but still.
Why doesn't teaching feel right? I'm just curious, because in my eyes, teaching is one of the most respectable jobs in the world. I respect a teacher more than I do a doctor. Teachers are one of THE most helpful and influencial peoples you can find. While Cops are out dealing with one victim at a time, teachers have to deal with HUNDREDS- in a day! And each one of those hundreds is affected by not only that first teacher, but the many others they have as well. While doctors patch people up in physical sickness, a teacher tries to help kids with any range of MENTAL capabilitiy and/ or disability. They deal with angry kids, hurt kids, abused kids, happy kids, kids who can't concentrate, kids who don't care, shy kids, lonely kids, sick kids... And everyone knows they don't get paid enough. Teachers are SUPERHEROES! Why do you think *I've* considered being a teacher? Who DOESN'T want to be a superhero?
Don't ever underestimate a potential career, or yourself, Devon. You could be great, AND help people, at anything you choose to do. Hell, you could become A GARBAGE WOMAN and help people! You think people don't appreciate garbage people? I mean, no, they don't get much recognition, but hell if the world was without garpage people.
It seems like this SUPER-job you're looking for needs to be a job in direct service and/ or care of someone or something(/animal) and that it also needs to hold some recognition. Not that I'm saying you're looking to be the famous super-Devon, but I think you're the kind of person who needs to be recognized for her work in order to feel comfortable doing a job or a project. (I'm a little like that too, but less so, because I hate people.)
I'm going to be brutally honest here and say I don't think that you could handle working at an orphanage. Teaching would be very similar, except it wouldn't be AS overwhelming. And I think you're overlooking the horrors that go on behind closed doors in an orphanage. Let me put it this way:
When I decided to work for my Mom with the reptiles, I didn't assume it would be easy, but I didn't know just HOW stressful it really would be. Reptiles are so sensitive and so many have died and I've had to watch; haven't been able to do a single thing about it. It's very weighing and sometimes I get so frustrated I actually do cry at work because there are times I just hate that I don't know exactly how to help this sick lizard, or that dying snake... it's heartbreaking. AND THESE ARE JUST LIZARDS!
Looking at the fact that you seem to have convinced yourself that saving people is your only option, I think you're going to have a really REALLY hard time dealing with the fact that most of those kids won't be saved. There aren't enough people to adopt and you're going to see only one or a few kdis leave every day while so many more stay. It'll be very taxing, heartbreaking, and I think you're too sensitive right now to take on a job THAT big.
Saving the world isn't a bad idea, but you can't do it all on your own, and you're still really young. You shouldn't expect yourself to be saving people day after day all before you're 25. I mean, come on!
I think all your thought about "MUST DO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL, MUST DO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL!" has blinded you to many jobs that ARE very meaningful, to the point that you can only see the most extreme jobs as meaningful. And I just don't think you're ready for an extreme job yet. None of us youngin's are. And I don't think we should be. You've got your whole life to figure yourself out, and yes, time is ticking... but don't rush yourself. If you're not ready, you're not ready. CALM DOWN WOMAN, and really think about YOURSELF... no, it isn't selfish. Think about what YOU need to stay sane in a job, and then start thinking about jobs that could keep you sane AND that are meaningful. AND try to keep in mind that just about any job can be meaningful. You don't need to be out curing the sick and aiding the poor to 'count' as something on this earth. And no one expects you to do that, either.
And like I said... you can't do it alone, so don't try to. Your friends are all here for you to help you, and appreciate you, if you can do the same for them. And they all want you to succeed... but no one's going to shun you if you decide to become a dog trainer instead of a surgeon. In fact, I think dog trainers are pretty cool, okay? D:
So just try to chill, take it one step at a time... there's no need to freak out, you've got all the time you need. I think it's the excessive worrying that prevents you from making a decision. How you've failed to learn this from all the times *I* worried myself into Oblivion is beyond me. XD (Just kidding- sort of.) We humans just have a tendency to take on too much, or look too hard at some things, or assume we're looking at the big picture when all we're seeing is the tip of the corner.
"DON'T YOU BIG CITY RACE CARS EVER JUST, TAKE A DRIVE?" ;)
Also, I think you need to watch Toy Story. Really, I do. I'd make you watch it with me if I could. ):
Sorry I had to comment 3 times to get my FUCKING LONG COMMENT IS LONG, LONG COMMENT to you but I really had to write a story for you, I did... because I care. ;(
And even though I love you, I have to say, your LJ layout's comment format is shit. Every time I click in the box, it scrolls up to the top! As you can imagine this is very obnoxious when one is trying to write their friend a book kthx.
I never said teaching and writing and all that stuff wasn't important or helpful. It is. The point was that it didn't feel right for me, and a lot of your argument was that I should look for something that makes me happy, right?
I don't think I explained myself all that well, which tends to happen a lot.
Very bad planetary things are happening right now. Before we can focus on so many of the other things that need rectifying, shouldn't we make sure we have a good place to live? Working on causes that are going to help better the world as a place so people can BE teachers and artists and help people that way was really more what I was trying to get across.
But, because I am not sure how I should go about that, I got around to thinking of an orphanage. I know many of them won't find homes, and that those that do may experience horrible things, but I'd like to try and see to it that some of those kids really do get to GOOD homes. Or, at least, that they're okay while living at a home with other abandoned kids.
Again, still not 100% on that one. Which is the whole problem~
Thanks, though, for caring, Knee-chan.
PS: Honestly I didn't look into this layout too much. It's temporary. I just needed something where I could READ without killing my eyes.
I think that's my biggest problem.
I have to find something to do that really helps the world and society. I mean, other than in ways that inspire or make feel better, like writing and music and art, I need to do something that helps the world's very bad predicament RIGHT NOW. Something that's fun and just for me doesn't feel right for two reasons.
1. That isn't really helping anyone in very immediate ways.
2. I don't even know what I'd want in that case ANYWAY, so I might as well go for something better for everyone.
I just have no idea what that would be. Can't be a doctor cause I can't handle it. I did consider teaching for a while, but it doesn't feel right.
And even if I don't chose one of the many "LETS SAVE PEOPLE" options and work on that on the side, I still can't even imagine what I could do for a living anyway.
I thought about working at an orphanage. I'm still considering it.
In the end, it comes down to I'm wishy washy, which gets me nowhere, and lazy on top of it, which is just worse. Eliminate one, though, and hopefully I can get rid of the other.
Reply
Writing an inspirational, relatable and entertaining book is a lot more helpful than I think you realize. Making a great movie is the same. Books and films change people's lives every day, I think you're underestimating the power of that.
You can't save the world by yourself. And maybe you're forgetting that sometimes even high-ups like Doctors can't save a life- sometimes, THEY actually destroy that life, usually on acccident of course, but still.
Why doesn't teaching feel right? I'm just curious, because in my eyes, teaching is one of the most respectable jobs in the world. I respect a teacher more than I do a doctor. Teachers are one of THE most helpful and influencial peoples you can find. While Cops are out dealing with one victim at a time, teachers have to deal with HUNDREDS- in a day! And each one of those hundreds is affected by not only that first teacher, but the many others they have as well. While doctors patch people up in physical sickness, a teacher tries to help kids with any range of MENTAL capabilitiy and/ or disability. They deal with angry kids, hurt kids, abused kids, happy kids, kids who can't concentrate, kids who don't care, shy kids, lonely kids, sick kids... And everyone knows they don't get paid enough. Teachers are SUPERHEROES! Why do you think *I've* considered being a teacher? Who DOESN'T want to be a superhero?
Don't ever underestimate a potential career, or yourself, Devon. You could be great, AND help people, at anything you choose to do. Hell, you could become A GARBAGE WOMAN and help people! You think people don't appreciate garbage people? I mean, no, they don't get much recognition, but hell if the world was without garpage people.
It seems like this SUPER-job you're looking for needs to be a job in direct service and/ or care of someone or something(/animal) and that it also needs to hold some recognition. Not that I'm saying you're looking to be the famous super-Devon, but I think you're the kind of person who needs to be recognized for her work in order to feel comfortable doing a job or a project. (I'm a little like that too, but less so, because I hate people.)
Reply
When I decided to work for my Mom with the reptiles, I didn't assume it would be easy, but I didn't know just HOW stressful it really would be. Reptiles are so sensitive and so many have died and I've had to watch; haven't been able to do a single thing about it. It's very weighing and sometimes I get so frustrated I actually do cry at work because there are times I just hate that I don't know exactly how to help this sick lizard, or that dying snake... it's heartbreaking. AND THESE ARE JUST LIZARDS!
Looking at the fact that you seem to have convinced yourself that saving people is your only option, I think you're going to have a really REALLY hard time dealing with the fact that most of those kids won't be saved. There aren't enough people to adopt and you're going to see only one or a few kdis leave every day while so many more stay. It'll be very taxing, heartbreaking, and I think you're too sensitive right now to take on a job THAT big.
Saving the world isn't a bad idea, but you can't do it all on your own, and you're still really young. You shouldn't expect yourself to be saving people day after day all before you're 25. I mean, come on!
I think all your thought about "MUST DO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL, MUST DO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL!" has blinded you to many jobs that ARE very meaningful, to the point that you can only see the most extreme jobs as meaningful. And I just don't think you're ready for an extreme job yet. None of us youngin's are. And I don't think we should be. You've got your whole life to figure yourself out, and yes, time is ticking... but don't rush yourself. If you're not ready, you're not ready. CALM DOWN WOMAN, and really think about YOURSELF... no, it isn't selfish. Think about what YOU need to stay sane in a job, and then start thinking about jobs that could keep you sane AND that are meaningful. AND try to keep in mind that just about any job can be meaningful. You don't need to be out curing the sick and aiding the poor to 'count' as something on this earth. And no one expects you to do that, either.
Reply
So just try to chill, take it one step at a time... there's no need to freak out, you've got all the time you need. I think it's the excessive worrying that prevents you from making a decision. How you've failed to learn this from all the times *I* worried myself into Oblivion is beyond me. XD (Just kidding- sort of.) We humans just have a tendency to take on too much, or look too hard at some things, or assume we're looking at the big picture when all we're seeing is the tip of the corner.
"DON'T YOU BIG CITY RACE CARS EVER JUST, TAKE A DRIVE?" ;)
Also, I think you need to watch Toy Story. Really, I do. I'd make you watch it with me if I could. ):
Anyway, Bugs & Fishes-
'Ken' (:
Reply
Sorry I had to comment 3 times to get my FUCKING LONG COMMENT IS LONG, LONG COMMENT to you but I really had to write a story for you, I did... because I care. ;(
And even though I love you, I have to say, your LJ layout's comment format is shit. Every time I click in the box, it scrolls up to the top! As you can imagine this is very obnoxious when one is trying to write their friend a book kthx.
But I digress.
Reply
I don't think I explained myself all that well, which tends to happen a lot.
Very bad planetary things are happening right now. Before we can focus on so many of the other things that need rectifying, shouldn't we make sure we have a good place to live? Working on causes that are going to help better the world as a place so people can BE teachers and artists and help people that way was really more what I was trying to get across.
But, because I am not sure how I should go about that, I got around to thinking of an orphanage. I know many of them won't find homes, and that those that do may experience horrible things, but I'd like to try and see to it that some of those kids really do get to GOOD homes. Or, at least, that they're okay while living at a home with other abandoned kids.
Again, still not 100% on that one. Which is the whole problem~
Thanks, though, for caring, Knee-chan.
PS: Honestly I didn't look into this layout too much. It's temporary. I just needed something where I could READ without killing my eyes.
Reply
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