[TC10] The Circle
Title: The Circle - Chapter 10
Word Count: 4115
Rating: PG
Pairing: Junhyung/Hyunseung
Summary: Everything looks as normal as it can be - Junhyung works, makes money, is satisfied with his life and with the reality he doesn't even want to think about, but the appearance of a certain stranger turns everything around. Things get complicated, he finds out nothing is as it seems and Junhyung's curiosity just jumps in joy.
A/N: Sorry for the long gap. I have no excuses >_< Comment and let me know if you people still remember this story~!! ^^
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Junhyung yawned, wide enough for his jaw to hurt and he did a messy job in covering it up. But no one was there, no one cared and Junhyung stretched lightly before hitting his eyes back on his work, a cup of coffee the only thing keeping him alive and his brain craving for air.
It was surprisingly warm - a bit too sudden: warm, snow was melting, everything looked brighter. Apart from the sun waking him up on a perfect day, he enjoyed it. But he felt tired, from everything and he knew that the awaited spring hadn’t done what he had hoped.
It was still there - the worry, the rather irritating tad of depression and stress, the obvious desire to get away.
Yes, he wanted to get away, far and for good and he sighed, vacantly staring at the papers. He hated how easily he blanked out and when asked what he was thinking, he could only reply nothing.
They always gave him a glance before proceeding.
They didn’t understand, Junhyung didn’t blame them. He didn’t think but he enjoyed it - living in nostalgia he was feeling. The random moments, random because they were insignificant but it was pleasant - it was something he didn’t know how to explain. It was a feeling.
After all, that’s what music was for him - to express everything he couldn’t put into words. He raised the cup to his lips, leaning back to take the last sip of now lukewarm coffee.
Junhyung jumped in his spot, relief washing over him as he hadn’t choked. But the relief was also mixed - he found himself to be glad it was Hyunseung.
“Are you trying to kill me?” He asked out of disbelief, a small smile failed to be suppressed coming to his lips and reflecting from Hyunseung’s whose arms were crossed, his head tilted slightly and Junhyung seemed to like this expected part of him.
The downside was that he did the same. He also tilted his head.
He forced it straight again.
Hyunseung looked amused and in a good mood. In fact Junhyung would say he was glowing and maybe this was another moment to be remembered in the future, in a year or two. Maybe with the song he was working on.
Music never failed him.
“Need help?” He asked, already reaching for the papers before Junhyung could say anything. The younger just closed his mouth again and looked back on what was left on the table.
He heard Hyunseung shuffle around, he saw his eyebrow slightly rising in a questioning manner and just as his own eyes hit the papers again he felt a gaze on him which he had to meet. He was blinking.
“Since when you do this stuff?” There was honest surprise in his voice as he turned the papers around and Junhyung’s eyes fell on his own scribbles which looked worse than ever. He found himself ashamed of it but there was slight interest in whether the other could read it.
A shrug of his shoulders was sent in answer and Hyunseung’s head tilted in the opposite direction, a low hum sounding from his throat as his eyes fell on the papers again.
“It’s just that, I thought that advertising department does this. You know, the part-timers there,” he said without much emotion as he snatched a pen from his own pocket and leaned forward to get surface under the papers.
“Yeah, but you see, this happens when I start hanging out with you,” Junhyung said and it was supposed to be amusing, even if just a bit because with Hyunseung it was fun - especially fun as he could nag and he wouldn’t be offended. Hyunseung understood.
But as there was silence and he raised his eyes he knew it had been a mistake. Hyunseung had sighed, a difficult sigh which didn’t say much but was obvious enough to get guilt to his system.
“It was a joke,” Junhyung said, almost hurriedly, “It’s just that it’s relevant to the song I just finished so that’s why I made an offer to do it myself. It’s annoying how incompetent they can be.”
“I know, don’t worry.” Hyunseung gave a fast annoyed glance before he went back to the papers, his eyes still radiant even as he continued, “It’s just that, it wouldn’t really be a surprise.”
Junhyung caught it easily, “How so?” His eyes were fixed on the other side of the room, some familiar figures walking towards the counter - lunch had begun.
Hyunseung leaned further in. “I’m not really in the nice list here. And what a great way to mess with people than to make their friends miserable,” he said, his own eyes glancing to the side fast, also understanding that this conversation was supposed to end soon. People were swarming in.
“I’m not that easy to be messed with, they need me,” he replied, reaching for the documents and Hyunseung handed them over easily. He continued as he placed them tidily back into his bag, “And after all, I’m not weak if you try to imply something.”
He could even feel Hyunseung’s another amused grin as he pulled his hoodie back over his head. “I have warned you.”
Junhyung only smiled in response. He didn’t want to rub it in, just in case so he decided to drop it. Let it go. He understood what he had meant and Junhyung understood.
Because if that had been the case then Hyunseung would still be here - he had been needed too. Or rather, still was.
“Thanks.”
“But hey, Hyunseung?” He suddenly said again, tone slightly louder but still not enough to sound over the cafeteria - no one ever paid attention, not when needed nor when wanted. Hyunseung only glanced over his shoulder, his jacket in his one hand and the other grabbing at the helm of it.
Junhyung lately tended to ask questions he didn’t seem to understand. Luckily Hyunseung never seemed to mind.
“How long are you going to stay around for?”
He saw the bitterness, the smile that turned dry but his response was amused.
“For long enough.”
“Who was he?” A female voice asked just as he had stood up, only to end up taking a seat again as she looked cheerful, especially so as the sun was reflecting from the table. Her eyes squinted just a bit but far from irritation - only Junhyung seemed to dislike how bright it was.
“Just an acquaintance on the same profession,” he responded, placing his briefcase back next to his feet, “But however, what have I done to deserve your attention?”
Sunghee’s smile widened and Junhyung couldn’t help but compare the two. She was more angelic, other more mysterious with his own charm. Both were graceful, only one in a more feminine way. Junhyung had liked her, obvious attraction between the two even admitted by Gikwang.
Junhyung thinks it’s still a shame they couldn’t save what they had.
Because that something had been special.
“I forgot my lunch so here I am. And hey,” she took effort to lean forwards to give a good slap which made Junhyung grab to his shoulder and feign hurt, “You’re the one who never calls me.”
Junhyung let his lips curve into a small apologetic smile, his hand still rubbing the spot. She might’ve been right with that, but her words always had many meanings. He hadn’t called her recently, neither had he met with his other friends - for some reason he had wanted to be alone.
Her words meant that they were slightly worried and Junhyung didn’t blame them.
“Do you at least eat properly? You look so skinny,” she started again, already shoving one of her bought sandwiches towards Junhyung before opening her salad. Junhyung had no choice but to accept it.
“Thank you. And yeah, I still eat.” He took a bite out of it, resisting rolling his eyes - she still remembered what had been his favourite.
What she didn’t know was that he hated it now.
She put the plastic fork beside, obviously deeming it easier to just eat the fruits piece by piece. “It’s nice to have a chat from time to time. We should meet up with everyone once in a while, they’re also interested how you’re doing.”
“I won’t die or anything, I just want to hang here a bit more,” he said, his appetite totally gone as he forced himself to take another bite. It was hard to swallow.
“Everyone seems to be so tense right now, so many rumours circulate around. I hate that stuff,” she said with despise, her eyes taking a quick glance around before her eyes met with Junhyung’s. “You know about Bongchol’s ex-girlfriend, right?”
Junhyung gave a brief lazy nod.
“Well, now there are talks that even his current girlfriend is being played by that awful guy,” she continued, obviously intrigued by the topic and Junhyung could see how she was holding herself back.
“Have you seen him?” He asks, thinking it wiser to keep his mouth shut on her great desire of gossiping.
She leaned back, brushing a strand away from her face, “No, some say they have but, I mean, I don’t even have a chance as he’s not working here anymore, right?”
“Well, maybe you’d fall for him then too, you never know,” he mocked, obviously enjoying how her face turned to disgust as she sent a clear glare. Junhyung had always loved their small bickering, but it never happened often enough. She on the opposite never liked these. She was a fairytale-kind of a girl.
Junhyung could never offer that.
“Don’t even start,” she swiped through the air with certain elegance, “I have never liked players. They’re too arrogant and a hassle to deal with.”
Junhyung recognized a warning, “And don’t even try, you hardly count as a player.”
“Anyway,” He continued, “How are you doing? Everything’s alright?” He asked it carefully, but easily enough not to create any assumptions because he was sure, really sure she knew what he had meant. Junhyung didn’t want to make things any worse.
She let out a sigh, troubled one as her eyes glanced around, “It’s not bad, it’s alright I guess but I always feel like I’m over-reacting.”
Junhyung could see how she hesitated. Her smile had disappeared and suddenly he could see how less sleep she had got, how less she had eaten - everything. “You know, is it me or does Gikwang spend a bit too much time with Dongwoon?”
She looked away when Junhyung’s eyebrow rose in question and he could see, even feel the uncertainty, the fear. He wanted to laugh, wanted to ask if she was joking but her whole aura said otherwise, that she was being dead serious and Junhyung knew that there was something behind it.
She was always rational, the most rational person he had ever met.
Sunghee didn’t daydream, she rarely believed anything - Junhyung admired her empathy, her ability to rightfully define right from wrong. She had principles that were strict but not strict enough to be overwhelming.
She was smart.
And Junhyung couldn’t see how such a smart woman could make an elephant out of a fly.
“Are you sure? To me it looks like Dongwoon has finally found a hyung who takes care of him,” He tried, Sunghee’s fear making him hesitate.
Seeing her like this was uncomfortable.
“That’s what I thought,” she began, a sigh accompanying making her look tired, her eyes exhausted, complexion pale, almost stressed, “But you know about that Dongwoon kid, he’s really no joke. He-“
Junhyung cut in, “He’s never had a real friend. Let him enjoy it and don’t worry.”
Her eyes found his, they were glowing, almost glistening but not from tears, not from moist but more from irritation and still the fear she couldn’t let go of. Junhyung had seen it only once and by this he knew it was serious.
She wasn’t joking at all.
“But it’s possible, right?” She inquired, her voice kept low but still cutting.
Junhyung let his eyes fall on the half-bitten sandwich, unsure what to say, “I can’t guarantee anything.” It was guilt that he noticed, a pang of guilt in his own mind. It wasn’t a surprise to him, it was something he had noticed, even if subconsciously.
He didn’t want her to get hurt, neither did he wanted to let her continue. She deserved it, the truth, what he thought because that’s why she had come to him - she counted on him.
And that was the worst part.
“I mean,” he let the bartender pour him another drink, a nod of his head a sign of acknowledgement, “Isn’t it just stupid? Talk to him for god’s sake.”
The woman sitting beside him finally left with clicking heels and a grumpy huff. Junhyung didn’t notice it.
“Wait, I bet you did. Why do things have to be so difficult? Just do what you want to do and get it over with, why think on others? Do you see me doing that?” He gulped it in one shot, a quick grimace running across his face, “Exactly. No.” He slammed the glass down, waving with his hand, a sign without words for another.
“Come on,” He moaned as a pitying smile appeared on the bartender’s lips.
“Sir, I think it would be the best to end it for tonight.”
Junhyung couldn’t agree, “Last one, I promise.” He reached his hand to his pocket, to find the money which he knew was probably crumpled up but he couldn’t care less - he just wanted to drink, and he wanted it now.
“I hate worrying over such trivial things. That’s why I walk away,” he said, his hand coming to support his head as he mumbled things that abruptly stopped. His eyes followed the bartender cleaning up on the other side, finding himself smile as he felt relieved.
Alcohol always helped. It drowned everything and made it disappear.
“I think you’ve really had enough.”
“I know, you alrea-“ Junhyung stopped in mid-sentence, taking effort to raise his head which was heavy, too heavy as if he was overly tired, as if he had got hit by something awful. He knew he would regret doing it so fast, almost snapping because he could still see the bartender and he was nowhere near him.
He saw a smile, a different smile, and he saw eyes which Junhyung remembered having first thought were a child’s. They still were, still looked like so but only now he knew that was not the case - those big eyes were not of a child’s, they were of a person’s he likes to see, likes to talk to.
Likes to be around of.
“Wait, what are you-?” He asked, his eyes not quite focusing but he saw the smile turning to a grin and he felt an arm go around his waist, trying to get him up, trying to get him to stand.
“So Hyunseung, what is our kind sir doing here?” He asked, laughing at his own words but the other said nothing. He just continued and Junhyung could hear a familiar thank you from the bartender.
“Trying to get rid of me, eh?” He asked, still laughing but he couldn’t care or rather - didn’t want to care. He had decided to let it go for tonight, to let everything go and just burst out what he thought without really thinking on the consequences. A bad idea, he would always say, but it was too late.
Too late because one thing was being absolutely drunk.
And another thing was Hyunseung.
He felt cold air hit against his face and the music was replaced with noise pollution which he despised but still in a way loved. The city was his home, where he had grown up, where he had started a life and he was certain that’s where it would end.
He didn’t want a vacation, didn’t want to see the country-side with its endless horizons of green - he liked his life and liked whining and complaining. It was his character, these were the points some started to dislike with time and others started to love it.
They were a minority but still there - and he treasured them.
“I like you, you’re cool,” he blurted out as his hand got stuck behind a lamp-post, almost swinging himself against it.
“Yes I know, now let go,” Hyunseung’s voice responded, with a tone Junhyung didn’t hear often. It was a tone like a mother’s to its child - strict, a bit annoyed. Junhyung found it amusing.
He felt a hand grasp around his, unlinking his fingers one by one. He hadn’t noticed how cold it was, how his fingers had started to freeze until Hyunseung tried to put a glove on his hand.
Junhyung didn’t know why but he resisted, it seemed funny how Hyunseung’s eyebrow would arch, how a warning gaze was sent to him to which he responded with a grin. He could hear him sigh, his head shaking lightly before his grasp got stronger and Junhyung gave in.
He laughed again, only almost having to fall over due to a tug he was given.
“You’re a bad drunk,” he heard.
Junhyung scoffed back, “I’d like to see you drink all that.” He didn’t notice how he had fell, his eyes blinking as he looked around, world swirling in front of his eyes, mumbling, “This is interesting.”
He could feel himself yanked up, his legs not cooperating but still barely managing. His palm hurt, feeling hot and cold at the same time, stinging at times. “That hurts.”
Hyunseung looked at him, his eyes tired, “Now look what you did, you’re bleeding.”
“You know,” Junhyung started again, words slurring out and he was surprised how clear they sounded, “I don’t really bleed that long, it’s quite funny.”
He could hear another sigh as he looked away, further down the street and securely wrapped his hand around the other who struggled a bit, struggled and kept assuring he could walk on his own when everyone could see how wrong it was. Junhyung gave in soon but not after stumbling over a few more times, not before almost banging his head against the brick wall nor before he smashed into a lamp-post.
“You’re going to kill me tomorrow, unless you forget everything,” Hyunseung muttered under his breath, tugging more rashly as Junhyung had again attached himself to a post. He gave out an absurd laugh as he waved it goodbye, his own hand latching around Hyunseung’s neck.
“I think,” Junhyung started again, his voice suddenly quieter, mumbling as almost falling asleep - insensible and difficult to understand, “I think that maybe I should give this all up you know, get away and start anew. I’m still young, I could do it.”
“I think you won’t be able to give up all you have already achieved,” Hyunseung responded immediately.
Junhyung only scoffed.
“I guess yo- oh! Isn’t that our lovely dongsaeng?” His voice rose again, his hand letting go and sloppily waved but losing his balance and Hyunseung had to again reach out to stop him from getting anymore scratches, from hurting himself more. His eyes rose up, looked ahead - someone was walking towards them and the figure looked familiar.
Junhyung tried to struggle free but failed to succeed.
“Hey, what’re you doing out so late?” He asked, his glance stopping at Junhyung before shifting to the other, “He looks pretty wasted.”
“I’m still here and conscious,” Junhyung snapped back while again trying to balance himself but took the easy way out by sitting down. He leaned back on his hands, only to wince remembering the wound, still fresh and stinging - now even more.
“Care to get him home? He’s too much for me,” Hyunseung’s voice sounded somewhere as again someone tried to yank him up, Junhyung resisting as much as he could, how much as he had the energy left for.
For some reason he was too weak, felt too weak.
“I want to sleep,” He blurted out, hands wrapping themselves around a leg, a rather skinny one. He felt it to shake, felt someone trying to get him off and if he wasn’t zoning out on random moments, he would’ve heard Dongwoon’s whine about this not belonging to his duties and be astonished how his hyung could drink so much and be hypocritical because he was the one who always said he didn’t see the point of social gatherings, didn’t see condolences alcohol could provide.
Even while drunk Junhyung knew the younger was going to use it to against him.
“Just get me home,” he finally groaned, suddenly feeling slightly sick and tired, annoyed and irritated. Even the stress was coming back and he hated the feeling. He hated how unhelpful it had been - to drink until he wouldn’t think, not rationally at least.
He hoped the headache in the morning would at least get his mind off of everything. Pounding pain, nauseous heart - it sounded much better than what he would be usually facing with. Especially now, especially at the moment when he would feel empty, where he would feel insignificant.
Junhyung knew it wasn’t right but that’s all he could do.
“What were you doing anyway?” Dongwoon asked with a groan as he tried to get Junhyung standing again, Hyunseung assisting from the side, “You found him or something?”
“Or something...” Hyunseung responded, easily avoiding the sloppy punch sent his way as he grabbed Junhyung below the arm and the latter had no choice but to be pulled up - his legs surprisingly helpful, assisting him well.
“Hyunseung,” He mumbled out again, stopping for a small laugh on his own before continuing, “Don’t lie, we were having such a good time, you should’ve paid her more.”
“Don’t listen to him, he-“
“Too bad you let her go, she was totally wrapped around your finger,” Junhyung blabbed on, a frown appeared on his face as he winced, “You don’t have to hide it, you were having so much fun.”
“Where did you go?” Dongwoon asked in between, only to be shushed by Junhyung himself. The other two exchanged glances, one head shaking lightly as the other only raised an eyebrow. He looked confused, but asked no more.
He only thought was that whether people thought that they were robbing someone or not.
Junhyung woke up to an awful headache, glad the space beside him was empty. He almost hit himself on the forehead, only to stop in the middle of the thought that it was probably a bad idea - awful one. His eyes were still squinted as he eyed towards the window, the dark thick curtains shielding him but it was still too light.
It made him feel even worse as he stood up, stumbling towards the kitchen for a glass of water. His throat was dry, itchy and he hated how it hurt, like a cat was scratching in a painful way - like his throat was sore but not quite enough.
He just wanted water.
The kitchen was even worse, even lighter, the sun reflecting back from all the surfaces, from the floor and his eyes squinted even more as he tried to make it towards the sink without bumping into anything, without stumbling over.
He suddenly pulled his hand back, a sting of pain waking him up a bit more and he brought it to his face, seeing it bandaged. His eyebrow rose in question before he let his eyes go around, still trying to avoid the light as he continued his way.
Junhyung really thought he should finally get himself to a habit of closing the curtains for the night.
It looked so pointless but times like these it reminded him what a nice idea it was.
“I’m really a mess,” he mumbled, more to himself, his voice resounding back from the walls, slightly echoing due to the empty room with not much furniture. Things which were only essential, there was no more value to it, no sentimentality, nothing.
They had to be practical or else they would only collect dust - and the floor was already good at doing so.
His hand reached for a glass, grabbing one before filling it with some lukewarm water. He wanted cold, totally ice-cold but he knew better to stay away from it, not now, not when he was someone who also had to use his voice. Not when he had work to do, presentations to make.
He thought that he would take this day off - and hoped no one would miss him nor the boss would search for him.
Junhyung just wanted an aspirin.
Word Count: 4115
Rating: PG
Pairing: Junhyung/Hyunseung
Summary: Everything looks as normal as it can be - Junhyung works, makes money, is satisfied with his life and with the reality he doesn't even want to think about, but the appearance of a certain stranger turns everything around. Things get complicated, he finds out nothing is as it seems and Junhyung's curiosity just jumps in joy.
A/N: Sorry for the long gap. I have no excuses >_< Comment and let me know if you people still remember this story~!! ^^
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Junhyung yawned, wide enough for his jaw to hurt and he did a messy job in covering it up. But no one was there, no one cared and Junhyung stretched lightly before hitting his eyes back on his work, a cup of coffee the only thing keeping him alive and his brain craving for air.
It was surprisingly warm - a bit too sudden: warm, snow was melting, everything looked brighter. Apart from the sun waking him up on a perfect day, he enjoyed it. But he felt tired, from everything and he knew that the awaited spring hadn’t done what he had hoped.
It was still there - the worry, the rather irritating tad of depression and stress, the obvious desire to get away.
Yes, he wanted to get away, far and for good and he sighed, vacantly staring at the papers. He hated how easily he blanked out and when asked what he was thinking, he could only reply nothing.
They always gave him a glance before proceeding.
They didn’t understand, Junhyung didn’t blame them. He didn’t think but he enjoyed it - living in nostalgia he was feeling. The random moments, random because they were insignificant but it was pleasant - it was something he didn’t know how to explain. It was a feeling.
After all, that’s what music was for him - to express everything he couldn’t put into words. He raised the cup to his lips, leaning back to take the last sip of now lukewarm coffee.
Junhyung jumped in his spot, relief washing over him as he hadn’t choked. But the relief was also mixed - he found himself to be glad it was Hyunseung.
“Are you trying to kill me?” He asked out of disbelief, a small smile failed to be suppressed coming to his lips and reflecting from Hyunseung’s whose arms were crossed, his head tilted slightly and Junhyung seemed to like this expected part of him.
The downside was that he did the same. He also tilted his head.
He forced it straight again.
Hyunseung looked amused and in a good mood. In fact Junhyung would say he was glowing and maybe this was another moment to be remembered in the future, in a year or two. Maybe with the song he was working on.
Music never failed him.
“Need help?” He asked, already reaching for the papers before Junhyung could say anything. The younger just closed his mouth again and looked back on what was left on the table.
He heard Hyunseung shuffle around, he saw his eyebrow slightly rising in a questioning manner and just as his own eyes hit the papers again he felt a gaze on him which he had to meet. He was blinking.
“Since when you do this stuff?” There was honest surprise in his voice as he turned the papers around and Junhyung’s eyes fell on his own scribbles which looked worse than ever. He found himself ashamed of it but there was slight interest in whether the other could read it.
A shrug of his shoulders was sent in answer and Hyunseung’s head tilted in the opposite direction, a low hum sounding from his throat as his eyes fell on the papers again.
“It’s just that, I thought that advertising department does this. You know, the part-timers there,” he said without much emotion as he snatched a pen from his own pocket and leaned forward to get surface under the papers.
“Yeah, but you see, this happens when I start hanging out with you,” Junhyung said and it was supposed to be amusing, even if just a bit because with Hyunseung it was fun - especially fun as he could nag and he wouldn’t be offended. Hyunseung understood.
But as there was silence and he raised his eyes he knew it had been a mistake. Hyunseung had sighed, a difficult sigh which didn’t say much but was obvious enough to get guilt to his system.
“It was a joke,” Junhyung said, almost hurriedly, “It’s just that it’s relevant to the song I just finished so that’s why I made an offer to do it myself. It’s annoying how incompetent they can be.”
“I know, don’t worry.” Hyunseung gave a fast annoyed glance before he went back to the papers, his eyes still radiant even as he continued, “It’s just that, it wouldn’t really be a surprise.”
Junhyung caught it easily, “How so?” His eyes were fixed on the other side of the room, some familiar figures walking towards the counter - lunch had begun.
Hyunseung leaned further in. “I’m not really in the nice list here. And what a great way to mess with people than to make their friends miserable,” he said, his own eyes glancing to the side fast, also understanding that this conversation was supposed to end soon. People were swarming in.
“I’m not that easy to be messed with, they need me,” he replied, reaching for the documents and Hyunseung handed them over easily. He continued as he placed them tidily back into his bag, “And after all, I’m not weak if you try to imply something.”
He could even feel Hyunseung’s another amused grin as he pulled his hoodie back over his head. “I have warned you.”
Junhyung only smiled in response. He didn’t want to rub it in, just in case so he decided to drop it. Let it go. He understood what he had meant and Junhyung understood.
Because if that had been the case then Hyunseung would still be here - he had been needed too. Or rather, still was.
“Thanks.”
“But hey, Hyunseung?” He suddenly said again, tone slightly louder but still not enough to sound over the cafeteria - no one ever paid attention, not when needed nor when wanted. Hyunseung only glanced over his shoulder, his jacket in his one hand and the other grabbing at the helm of it.
Junhyung lately tended to ask questions he didn’t seem to understand. Luckily Hyunseung never seemed to mind.
“How long are you going to stay around for?”
He saw the bitterness, the smile that turned dry but his response was amused.
“For long enough.”
“Who was he?” A female voice asked just as he had stood up, only to end up taking a seat again as she looked cheerful, especially so as the sun was reflecting from the table. Her eyes squinted just a bit but far from irritation - only Junhyung seemed to dislike how bright it was.
“Just an acquaintance on the same profession,” he responded, placing his briefcase back next to his feet, “But however, what have I done to deserve your attention?”
Sunghee’s smile widened and Junhyung couldn’t help but compare the two. She was more angelic, other more mysterious with his own charm. Both were graceful, only one in a more feminine way. Junhyung had liked her, obvious attraction between the two even admitted by Gikwang.
Junhyung thinks it’s still a shame they couldn’t save what they had.
Because that something had been special.
“I forgot my lunch so here I am. And hey,” she took effort to lean forwards to give a good slap which made Junhyung grab to his shoulder and feign hurt, “You’re the one who never calls me.”
Junhyung let his lips curve into a small apologetic smile, his hand still rubbing the spot. She might’ve been right with that, but her words always had many meanings. He hadn’t called her recently, neither had he met with his other friends - for some reason he had wanted to be alone.
Her words meant that they were slightly worried and Junhyung didn’t blame them.
“Do you at least eat properly? You look so skinny,” she started again, already shoving one of her bought sandwiches towards Junhyung before opening her salad. Junhyung had no choice but to accept it.
“Thank you. And yeah, I still eat.” He took a bite out of it, resisting rolling his eyes - she still remembered what had been his favourite.
What she didn’t know was that he hated it now.
She put the plastic fork beside, obviously deeming it easier to just eat the fruits piece by piece. “It’s nice to have a chat from time to time. We should meet up with everyone once in a while, they’re also interested how you’re doing.”
“I won’t die or anything, I just want to hang here a bit more,” he said, his appetite totally gone as he forced himself to take another bite. It was hard to swallow.
“Everyone seems to be so tense right now, so many rumours circulate around. I hate that stuff,” she said with despise, her eyes taking a quick glance around before her eyes met with Junhyung’s. “You know about Bongchol’s ex-girlfriend, right?”
Junhyung gave a brief lazy nod.
“Well, now there are talks that even his current girlfriend is being played by that awful guy,” she continued, obviously intrigued by the topic and Junhyung could see how she was holding herself back.
“Have you seen him?” He asks, thinking it wiser to keep his mouth shut on her great desire of gossiping.
She leaned back, brushing a strand away from her face, “No, some say they have but, I mean, I don’t even have a chance as he’s not working here anymore, right?”
“Well, maybe you’d fall for him then too, you never know,” he mocked, obviously enjoying how her face turned to disgust as she sent a clear glare. Junhyung had always loved their small bickering, but it never happened often enough. She on the opposite never liked these. She was a fairytale-kind of a girl.
Junhyung could never offer that.
“Don’t even start,” she swiped through the air with certain elegance, “I have never liked players. They’re too arrogant and a hassle to deal with.”
Junhyung recognized a warning, “And don’t even try, you hardly count as a player.”
“Anyway,” He continued, “How are you doing? Everything’s alright?” He asked it carefully, but easily enough not to create any assumptions because he was sure, really sure she knew what he had meant. Junhyung didn’t want to make things any worse.
She let out a sigh, troubled one as her eyes glanced around, “It’s not bad, it’s alright I guess but I always feel like I’m over-reacting.”
Junhyung could see how she hesitated. Her smile had disappeared and suddenly he could see how less sleep she had got, how less she had eaten - everything. “You know, is it me or does Gikwang spend a bit too much time with Dongwoon?”
She looked away when Junhyung’s eyebrow rose in question and he could see, even feel the uncertainty, the fear. He wanted to laugh, wanted to ask if she was joking but her whole aura said otherwise, that she was being dead serious and Junhyung knew that there was something behind it.
She was always rational, the most rational person he had ever met.
Sunghee didn’t daydream, she rarely believed anything - Junhyung admired her empathy, her ability to rightfully define right from wrong. She had principles that were strict but not strict enough to be overwhelming.
She was smart.
And Junhyung couldn’t see how such a smart woman could make an elephant out of a fly.
“Are you sure? To me it looks like Dongwoon has finally found a hyung who takes care of him,” He tried, Sunghee’s fear making him hesitate.
Seeing her like this was uncomfortable.
“That’s what I thought,” she began, a sigh accompanying making her look tired, her eyes exhausted, complexion pale, almost stressed, “But you know about that Dongwoon kid, he’s really no joke. He-“
Junhyung cut in, “He’s never had a real friend. Let him enjoy it and don’t worry.”
Her eyes found his, they were glowing, almost glistening but not from tears, not from moist but more from irritation and still the fear she couldn’t let go of. Junhyung had seen it only once and by this he knew it was serious.
She wasn’t joking at all.
“But it’s possible, right?” She inquired, her voice kept low but still cutting.
Junhyung let his eyes fall on the half-bitten sandwich, unsure what to say, “I can’t guarantee anything.” It was guilt that he noticed, a pang of guilt in his own mind. It wasn’t a surprise to him, it was something he had noticed, even if subconsciously.
He didn’t want her to get hurt, neither did he wanted to let her continue. She deserved it, the truth, what he thought because that’s why she had come to him - she counted on him.
And that was the worst part.
“I mean,” he let the bartender pour him another drink, a nod of his head a sign of acknowledgement, “Isn’t it just stupid? Talk to him for god’s sake.”
The woman sitting beside him finally left with clicking heels and a grumpy huff. Junhyung didn’t notice it.
“Wait, I bet you did. Why do things have to be so difficult? Just do what you want to do and get it over with, why think on others? Do you see me doing that?” He gulped it in one shot, a quick grimace running across his face, “Exactly. No.” He slammed the glass down, waving with his hand, a sign without words for another.
“Come on,” He moaned as a pitying smile appeared on the bartender’s lips.
“Sir, I think it would be the best to end it for tonight.”
Junhyung couldn’t agree, “Last one, I promise.” He reached his hand to his pocket, to find the money which he knew was probably crumpled up but he couldn’t care less - he just wanted to drink, and he wanted it now.
“I hate worrying over such trivial things. That’s why I walk away,” he said, his hand coming to support his head as he mumbled things that abruptly stopped. His eyes followed the bartender cleaning up on the other side, finding himself smile as he felt relieved.
Alcohol always helped. It drowned everything and made it disappear.
“I think you’ve really had enough.”
“I know, you alrea-“ Junhyung stopped in mid-sentence, taking effort to raise his head which was heavy, too heavy as if he was overly tired, as if he had got hit by something awful. He knew he would regret doing it so fast, almost snapping because he could still see the bartender and he was nowhere near him.
He saw a smile, a different smile, and he saw eyes which Junhyung remembered having first thought were a child’s. They still were, still looked like so but only now he knew that was not the case - those big eyes were not of a child’s, they were of a person’s he likes to see, likes to talk to.
Likes to be around of.
“Wait, what are you-?” He asked, his eyes not quite focusing but he saw the smile turning to a grin and he felt an arm go around his waist, trying to get him up, trying to get him to stand.
“So Hyunseung, what is our kind sir doing here?” He asked, laughing at his own words but the other said nothing. He just continued and Junhyung could hear a familiar thank you from the bartender.
“Trying to get rid of me, eh?” He asked, still laughing but he couldn’t care or rather - didn’t want to care. He had decided to let it go for tonight, to let everything go and just burst out what he thought without really thinking on the consequences. A bad idea, he would always say, but it was too late.
Too late because one thing was being absolutely drunk.
And another thing was Hyunseung.
He felt cold air hit against his face and the music was replaced with noise pollution which he despised but still in a way loved. The city was his home, where he had grown up, where he had started a life and he was certain that’s where it would end.
He didn’t want a vacation, didn’t want to see the country-side with its endless horizons of green - he liked his life and liked whining and complaining. It was his character, these were the points some started to dislike with time and others started to love it.
They were a minority but still there - and he treasured them.
“I like you, you’re cool,” he blurted out as his hand got stuck behind a lamp-post, almost swinging himself against it.
“Yes I know, now let go,” Hyunseung’s voice responded, with a tone Junhyung didn’t hear often. It was a tone like a mother’s to its child - strict, a bit annoyed. Junhyung found it amusing.
He felt a hand grasp around his, unlinking his fingers one by one. He hadn’t noticed how cold it was, how his fingers had started to freeze until Hyunseung tried to put a glove on his hand.
Junhyung didn’t know why but he resisted, it seemed funny how Hyunseung’s eyebrow would arch, how a warning gaze was sent to him to which he responded with a grin. He could hear him sigh, his head shaking lightly before his grasp got stronger and Junhyung gave in.
He laughed again, only almost having to fall over due to a tug he was given.
“You’re a bad drunk,” he heard.
Junhyung scoffed back, “I’d like to see you drink all that.” He didn’t notice how he had fell, his eyes blinking as he looked around, world swirling in front of his eyes, mumbling, “This is interesting.”
He could feel himself yanked up, his legs not cooperating but still barely managing. His palm hurt, feeling hot and cold at the same time, stinging at times. “That hurts.”
Hyunseung looked at him, his eyes tired, “Now look what you did, you’re bleeding.”
“You know,” Junhyung started again, words slurring out and he was surprised how clear they sounded, “I don’t really bleed that long, it’s quite funny.”
He could hear another sigh as he looked away, further down the street and securely wrapped his hand around the other who struggled a bit, struggled and kept assuring he could walk on his own when everyone could see how wrong it was. Junhyung gave in soon but not after stumbling over a few more times, not before almost banging his head against the brick wall nor before he smashed into a lamp-post.
“You’re going to kill me tomorrow, unless you forget everything,” Hyunseung muttered under his breath, tugging more rashly as Junhyung had again attached himself to a post. He gave out an absurd laugh as he waved it goodbye, his own hand latching around Hyunseung’s neck.
“I think,” Junhyung started again, his voice suddenly quieter, mumbling as almost falling asleep - insensible and difficult to understand, “I think that maybe I should give this all up you know, get away and start anew. I’m still young, I could do it.”
“I think you won’t be able to give up all you have already achieved,” Hyunseung responded immediately.
Junhyung only scoffed.
“I guess yo- oh! Isn’t that our lovely dongsaeng?” His voice rose again, his hand letting go and sloppily waved but losing his balance and Hyunseung had to again reach out to stop him from getting anymore scratches, from hurting himself more. His eyes rose up, looked ahead - someone was walking towards them and the figure looked familiar.
Junhyung tried to struggle free but failed to succeed.
“Hey, what’re you doing out so late?” He asked, his glance stopping at Junhyung before shifting to the other, “He looks pretty wasted.”
“I’m still here and conscious,” Junhyung snapped back while again trying to balance himself but took the easy way out by sitting down. He leaned back on his hands, only to wince remembering the wound, still fresh and stinging - now even more.
“Care to get him home? He’s too much for me,” Hyunseung’s voice sounded somewhere as again someone tried to yank him up, Junhyung resisting as much as he could, how much as he had the energy left for.
For some reason he was too weak, felt too weak.
“I want to sleep,” He blurted out, hands wrapping themselves around a leg, a rather skinny one. He felt it to shake, felt someone trying to get him off and if he wasn’t zoning out on random moments, he would’ve heard Dongwoon’s whine about this not belonging to his duties and be astonished how his hyung could drink so much and be hypocritical because he was the one who always said he didn’t see the point of social gatherings, didn’t see condolences alcohol could provide.
Even while drunk Junhyung knew the younger was going to use it to against him.
“Just get me home,” he finally groaned, suddenly feeling slightly sick and tired, annoyed and irritated. Even the stress was coming back and he hated the feeling. He hated how unhelpful it had been - to drink until he wouldn’t think, not rationally at least.
He hoped the headache in the morning would at least get his mind off of everything. Pounding pain, nauseous heart - it sounded much better than what he would be usually facing with. Especially now, especially at the moment when he would feel empty, where he would feel insignificant.
Junhyung knew it wasn’t right but that’s all he could do.
“What were you doing anyway?” Dongwoon asked with a groan as he tried to get Junhyung standing again, Hyunseung assisting from the side, “You found him or something?”
“Or something...” Hyunseung responded, easily avoiding the sloppy punch sent his way as he grabbed Junhyung below the arm and the latter had no choice but to be pulled up - his legs surprisingly helpful, assisting him well.
“Hyunseung,” He mumbled out again, stopping for a small laugh on his own before continuing, “Don’t lie, we were having such a good time, you should’ve paid her more.”
“Don’t listen to him, he-“
“Too bad you let her go, she was totally wrapped around your finger,” Junhyung blabbed on, a frown appeared on his face as he winced, “You don’t have to hide it, you were having so much fun.”
“Where did you go?” Dongwoon asked in between, only to be shushed by Junhyung himself. The other two exchanged glances, one head shaking lightly as the other only raised an eyebrow. He looked confused, but asked no more.
He only thought was that whether people thought that they were robbing someone or not.
Junhyung woke up to an awful headache, glad the space beside him was empty. He almost hit himself on the forehead, only to stop in the middle of the thought that it was probably a bad idea - awful one. His eyes were still squinted as he eyed towards the window, the dark thick curtains shielding him but it was still too light.
It made him feel even worse as he stood up, stumbling towards the kitchen for a glass of water. His throat was dry, itchy and he hated how it hurt, like a cat was scratching in a painful way - like his throat was sore but not quite enough.
He just wanted water.
The kitchen was even worse, even lighter, the sun reflecting back from all the surfaces, from the floor and his eyes squinted even more as he tried to make it towards the sink without bumping into anything, without stumbling over.
He suddenly pulled his hand back, a sting of pain waking him up a bit more and he brought it to his face, seeing it bandaged. His eyebrow rose in question before he let his eyes go around, still trying to avoid the light as he continued his way.
Junhyung really thought he should finally get himself to a habit of closing the curtains for the night.
It looked so pointless but times like these it reminded him what a nice idea it was.
“I’m really a mess,” he mumbled, more to himself, his voice resounding back from the walls, slightly echoing due to the empty room with not much furniture. Things which were only essential, there was no more value to it, no sentimentality, nothing.
They had to be practical or else they would only collect dust - and the floor was already good at doing so.
His hand reached for a glass, grabbing one before filling it with some lukewarm water. He wanted cold, totally ice-cold but he knew better to stay away from it, not now, not when he was someone who also had to use his voice. Not when he had work to do, presentations to make.
He thought that he would take this day off - and hoped no one would miss him nor the boss would search for him.
Junhyung just wanted an aspirin.