update
Allright, so I haven't updated this in a long time. Mostly I haven't felt like it. I don't know what to say because I don't know my audience. So, since I think Mariah will want to know what's going on in my life I'm going to write things down here.
So far since she has left:
I've started helping out at the local Alternative and Adult Education Center to ensure fixing some mistakes the blasted school did with me not to long ago. It's hard. I'm tutoring this girl and it's just very hard to find the right way to teach her. She's never been in school, yet she's easily seventeen or sixteen years of age. Fractions, she's learning fractions, and I'm trying to find the right way to explain things, but I have to slow myself down enough so that I can describe the process to her.
It's exhausting. Completely exhuasting.
I'm worried about Mariah, she's going to all these places where if something happens I can't protect her, and the only way I could feel safe is if she was within the protection of her host parents or the program...and she won't be. She'll be out drinking with five or so college girls I've never met and certainly don't trust. And I swear if any one of them get her into trouble, I might just feel the need to kill them.
Which reminds me, surprisingly enough it seems my anger is back in key. Without Mariah here to talk to I haven't talked to anybody about anything really, and that's probably bad, but I got so used to talking to her about things I'm not sure what else to do. Maybe I'll tell Kate or Alicia some of the things going on.
Today some ignorant fuck made a foolish remark about a wordplay joke of mine, and I swear I wanted to smack that smirk off his face. I wanted to hurt him, quite a bit. So I walked away and paced back and forth for about forty minutes while tossing an apple into the air and catching it. Anger. I think I'm going to have to start talking about my worries on life again soon.
Some of my friends are going through some issues and I can't write about it right now because I have no right to tell the world their problems. And that makes me sad because Mariah probably won't find out for awhile. Especially since it turns out that international calling cards are a very rare commodity. Thus far I have not found any at all.
I went to see Jackass 2 yesterday. It was funny.
I don't know what to say, but I really don't feel like talking much. I think I'm going to go.
Oh yeah, I started the admissions process today, and I'm taking care of things so she shouldn't worry too much.
Anyway, I need to go do something.