On Starting Over-2016 Edition
I found this journal while doing a Google search of myself. How weird is that. In order to find out who I am, I have to search for myself. Neither comfortable nor fun to do, I have to admit. But then again, nothing about my life is comfortable or fun these days. At least, not the comfortable or fun that it used to be.
I guess I should start at the beginning...
It all started one Thursday morning, 21 March 2013. It was a day just like any other. I woke up. I did my wake up meditations. Took a shower. Got ready for work. Left for work. That was 7 A.M. It was a simple drive to work, until I got a headache 10 minutes into my drive in. That's the last thing I remember. The rest of that day has had to be completed by friends telling me what happened next. From putting in a full workday to crossing 6 lanes of Poplar Avenue traffic during 5 o'clock Memphis rush hour, it was really just like any normal day.
Except for one thing, 21 March 2013 was NOT a normal day.
It is the day that changed all days.
I was admitted to the hospital via ambulance, but released less than 48 hours later, due to "depression like systems". However, that didn't sit well with a nurse friend of mine, who retired the day before. She believed me, called my cardiologist and got the ball rolling. My cardiologist not only ran every test in his playbook, he physically wheeled me across the street to his neurosurgeon friend, who lit me up like a Christmas tree, then gave my friend and I the news.
"Ms. Biggs, I need you to be calm. You"re having a stroke."
I had a stroke. Doctors said it began when a clot burst behind my left eye on Thursday, 21 March 2013.
It took a bigger team of my friends to rehab me, as my health insurance wouldn't cover anything once the hospital released me. Come to find out, I have friends that are doctors, nurses, speech and physical therapists...and all came and stepped up help.
Fast forward three years later, I am back to normal except speech (I have a stutter now). I have made all milestones.
I lost all long-term memory. Well, not all. My brain starts starts at 2007. I used to think this was a bad thing, but not anymore. It has its moments.
Sometimes, I get these huge flashes like camera flash bulbs that bring back memories. However, they never last long because those flashes of memory are matched by an equal number of migraines. The migraines are indicators that the memories I'm seeing aren't permanent.
That brings me to today. I'm coming off a huge set of migraines that ended yesterday afternoon. Those memories and a Google search brought me here.
Sometimes, starting over is easy.
After the past 11 days of my life, not so much.
I refuse to give up.
Every day, I pray and ask God for me to remember what I need to knowNOT what I want to know.
It works when I works I work. Sometimes quickly. Sometimes slowly. It always materializes when I need it.