Love is what we do when we can't feel anymore
My head is in a million places but refusing to stop at one single point. I've had so much to fill the spaces in the deepest crevesses in my mind. I'm finding out what a real relationship is and how to handle love. More so, I've learned more about myself than I ever expected. Learning to let go isn't as hard as I had expected. I've been kicking people (as well as habits and attitudes) out of my life as quickly as possible in the last year, specifically the last few months. The point in my life has come where I'm finally truly learning to live and think for myself as an entity to its own... an adult. No doubt, Monica has been a huge factor in that change in my life and I'm glad of it. Most importantly, God has been the greatest source of relief and a pillar of strength in my life that I never quite knew just how powerful He could be. Honestly, I just want to life my life right. I know better than anyone the past I have and the sins I've sinned. I understand I have somewhat of a seedy and dark past and I won't let myself forget that because I still sin and I need humility.
There are alot of aspects in my life that I don't look at the same anymore. Love, respect, family, education, time... the list goes on. My heart hasn't grown in size much, but it has softened. I feel like I'm turning back into that soft-spoken, naive, and very sensitive little girl I used to be. I pray for my parents constantly. Honestly, I don't know who to pray for more though; my father or my mother. Mom has just lost all sense of the fundamentals of basic social interaction since Granny passed away. More so, she's just turning into Granny. I pass through this house with glazed eyes and deaf ears because I never know what I'll be blamed for or yelled at about next. Dad... he's never seemed so regal and nurturing before yet so torn and impatient at the same time. I can' tell if its the years, the stress, or the years of stress weighing on him but he's gotten so old and he's starting to look like his mother. He's one beautiful grumpy old man.
I just miss my family.
I have been bleeding alot out of my orifices lately. Maybe its the weather. No, probably just the stress. Don't get me wrong, life is good in it's own rite, but its been rough the last few months. Its hard being away from Monica and my parents emotionally abuse me when they feel the need to vent all of their frustrations out because they don't talk to each other anymore. I just wonder why I bleed so.
Monica took me to the Georgia Aquarium as a surprise on Saturday. It was so wonderful. Seriously, that was the best day I've had in years. That woman treats better than anyone should ever treat me. I just can't imagine life without her. Who knew love could be so simple? I guess sometimes you really do get what you ask for and its not such a bad thing. I think our relationship would be alot easier if we live closer to each other, but we do not and we have come to accept that for what it is. Its all I can do really. Fortunately (in this case) time goes by much swifter the older you get and her and I will be together at long last before we even know it. Perhaps even wedding bells will be heard in our honor one day.
There are alot of aspects in my life that I don't look at the same anymore. Love, respect, family, education, time... the list goes on. My heart hasn't grown in size much, but it has softened. I feel like I'm turning back into that soft-spoken, naive, and very sensitive little girl I used to be. I pray for my parents constantly. Honestly, I don't know who to pray for more though; my father or my mother. Mom has just lost all sense of the fundamentals of basic social interaction since Granny passed away. More so, she's just turning into Granny. I pass through this house with glazed eyes and deaf ears because I never know what I'll be blamed for or yelled at about next. Dad... he's never seemed so regal and nurturing before yet so torn and impatient at the same time. I can' tell if its the years, the stress, or the years of stress weighing on him but he's gotten so old and he's starting to look like his mother. He's one beautiful grumpy old man.
I just miss my family.
I have been bleeding alot out of my orifices lately. Maybe its the weather. No, probably just the stress. Don't get me wrong, life is good in it's own rite, but its been rough the last few months. Its hard being away from Monica and my parents emotionally abuse me when they feel the need to vent all of their frustrations out because they don't talk to each other anymore. I just wonder why I bleed so.
Monica took me to the Georgia Aquarium as a surprise on Saturday. It was so wonderful. Seriously, that was the best day I've had in years. That woman treats better than anyone should ever treat me. I just can't imagine life without her. Who knew love could be so simple? I guess sometimes you really do get what you ask for and its not such a bad thing. I think our relationship would be alot easier if we live closer to each other, but we do not and we have come to accept that for what it is. Its all I can do really. Fortunately (in this case) time goes by much swifter the older you get and her and I will be together at long last before we even know it. Perhaps even wedding bells will be heard in our honor one day.