Twenty-One
Today is my 21st birthday. I feel old. Old like dirt. Something of a has been but more of a never will be. Its all downhill from here. Anyways...
I'm at Monica's place now. I've been here since the 28th. We brought in the new year together and celebrated my birthday with her. I called my dad ealier to see if he still wanted me to come home tonight and he said yes. He didn't even wish me a happy birthday. Then again, I don't know if I can really blame him. Life has been rough between my parents and I since I moved back home. My mom got into really bad with me one night and she ended up leaving the house and spent the night somewhere else. I feel like a stranger in my own house now and all I want to do is just leave again. At least my relationship with my father is growing stronger, although I do feel a strain between us because of our differences of opinion in what I should do with my life. I figure so long as I can go to school full time and get a job or two, and see Monica on the weekends and holidays, then I can keep myself busy enough to stay away from my parents to avoid conflict and move out again as painlessly as possible.
Random thoughts: I'm a bad friend (I haven't called Lisa like I said I would, nor have I been in touch with Megan, and I treat Crys and Andy horribly), Kate won't call me back and I don't know why (maybe its becase I'm a bad friend), I'm falling deeply in love with Monica, I'm afraid of what the future holds, I'm worried that I'm going to become estranged from my family for years like Lori was, and I've been thinking about marriage and kids. What the hell is wrong with me?
I just want to get a job and settle down. I want to get paid a comfortable salary with pension, insurance, and two weeks vacation. I want a job that I don't necessarily have to take my work home with me and look forward to the weekends and holidays because I get to spend them with my loved ones. I just need to move on to a new phase of life.
I'm at Monica's place now. I've been here since the 28th. We brought in the new year together and celebrated my birthday with her. I called my dad ealier to see if he still wanted me to come home tonight and he said yes. He didn't even wish me a happy birthday. Then again, I don't know if I can really blame him. Life has been rough between my parents and I since I moved back home. My mom got into really bad with me one night and she ended up leaving the house and spent the night somewhere else. I feel like a stranger in my own house now and all I want to do is just leave again. At least my relationship with my father is growing stronger, although I do feel a strain between us because of our differences of opinion in what I should do with my life. I figure so long as I can go to school full time and get a job or two, and see Monica on the weekends and holidays, then I can keep myself busy enough to stay away from my parents to avoid conflict and move out again as painlessly as possible.
Random thoughts: I'm a bad friend (I haven't called Lisa like I said I would, nor have I been in touch with Megan, and I treat Crys and Andy horribly), Kate won't call me back and I don't know why (maybe its becase I'm a bad friend), I'm falling deeply in love with Monica, I'm afraid of what the future holds, I'm worried that I'm going to become estranged from my family for years like Lori was, and I've been thinking about marriage and kids. What the hell is wrong with me?
I just want to get a job and settle down. I want to get paid a comfortable salary with pension, insurance, and two weeks vacation. I want a job that I don't necessarily have to take my work home with me and look forward to the weekends and holidays because I get to spend them with my loved ones. I just need to move on to a new phase of life.