at last, we meet again weekend..dammit, I'm thinking too much
What can I say? It's been a long week. Still trying my best to keep ahead with work. I finished some commission work for a friend, he has a thing for ying yangs I take it? Hehe, maybe I should start asking about the meaning behind people's requests.
Oh well, I've been reviewing for up coming midterm exams. I know they're coming in two weeks. Probably the best way to do it, midterm, then spring break comes for relaxation afterward. Whatever works for you y'know?
I have this urge to make scrap book albums? Memories are taken for granted much too often. I'm not sure what to think, but I really really like Tallahassee. I don't ever want to come home, other than family, I don't think I'm missing much. I'd like to take my summer term here already if I can, I just, I don't know. I need work, real work, Winter Haven is super saturated with overqualified people for work, they don't honestly need to hire college kids like me.
I know that sounds kind of conceited, but I remember being a few years younger, struggling to find a job, but there were all these college kids back in town looking for jobs too. Competing with people with higher educations and more experience is a bitch.
It's kind of a 2:1 ratio. Just keep telling yourself to do what you can. Do what you can.
What I think is funnier, a few months ago, before school started, I was scared. I was really scared about picking up and leaving. It's crazy, like you just had everything under control, life had set it's course. I was working two part-time jobs, getting decent pay, resolving family problems, hanging out with friends and just enjoying this "routine". It made Winter Haven, livable, despite everything, friends were made my world solid.
I almost wished it never ended, being stuck in this forever young carefree era. Some of my best memories was the ending of high school, those last few weeks, everyone dropped all their biases, their judging faces and it was a semi-faux paradise of friendliness. Everyone could just get along, no more drama, just celebration, because it was that marking of the next milestone of our lives.
Now I sit here in my dorm pondering to myself, why did I think that time was so great? I've come to college and realized how shallow my friends have been my entire high school life? Isn't that terrible? Why did I lead myself to believe that? How could I possibly be satisfied working as a waitress forever, much less living in Polk county. College just opened my eyes at how much freedom I've acquired. I can go and leave as I please, my business is my business.
Friends do come and go. They prove themselves, the real ones after all these long months. Dammit, they're the ones that call me and bother to ask how my day was and likewise, I'll call them randomly as well. What's even crazier is how you'll meet new friends, or, for that matter, realize people that you've known forever that recently become your friend, real good ones too.
So the real question poses itself, do I want to remember what shallow facade my life in highschool seemed to be? Or, fuck it and move on to the things that will matter, new experiences and memories?
I still can't answer that. I have a hard time letting go things from the past. It hurts, it fucking hurts a lot. When you get passed all the good and great things that made life worth living, you remember every back stab of betrayal, every word that ate away at your insides until you had nothing left to stand on. I remember being young and discriminated upon, judged, hated, hurt, teased. All those bad memories are a gigantic slap to the face. You want to look away in shame for letting people walk all over you. I hate remember how that always seemed to happen. Why did I ever let that happen to myself? I don't know, but I'm looking toward college as an answer of redemption.
When I think about it, college is a place to reinvent yourself over and over again as many times as you like. I take that opportunity every time I can. You'll meet so many people that they may not even remember your name--so make your face and personality impressionable, they may only get to know you skin deep. Make it count.
Oh well, I've been reviewing for up coming midterm exams. I know they're coming in two weeks. Probably the best way to do it, midterm, then spring break comes for relaxation afterward. Whatever works for you y'know?
I have this urge to make scrap book albums? Memories are taken for granted much too often. I'm not sure what to think, but I really really like Tallahassee. I don't ever want to come home, other than family, I don't think I'm missing much. I'd like to take my summer term here already if I can, I just, I don't know. I need work, real work, Winter Haven is super saturated with overqualified people for work, they don't honestly need to hire college kids like me.
I know that sounds kind of conceited, but I remember being a few years younger, struggling to find a job, but there were all these college kids back in town looking for jobs too. Competing with people with higher educations and more experience is a bitch.
It's kind of a 2:1 ratio. Just keep telling yourself to do what you can. Do what you can.
What I think is funnier, a few months ago, before school started, I was scared. I was really scared about picking up and leaving. It's crazy, like you just had everything under control, life had set it's course. I was working two part-time jobs, getting decent pay, resolving family problems, hanging out with friends and just enjoying this "routine". It made Winter Haven, livable, despite everything, friends were made my world solid.
I almost wished it never ended, being stuck in this forever young carefree era. Some of my best memories was the ending of high school, those last few weeks, everyone dropped all their biases, their judging faces and it was a semi-faux paradise of friendliness. Everyone could just get along, no more drama, just celebration, because it was that marking of the next milestone of our lives.
Now I sit here in my dorm pondering to myself, why did I think that time was so great? I've come to college and realized how shallow my friends have been my entire high school life? Isn't that terrible? Why did I lead myself to believe that? How could I possibly be satisfied working as a waitress forever, much less living in Polk county. College just opened my eyes at how much freedom I've acquired. I can go and leave as I please, my business is my business.
Friends do come and go. They prove themselves, the real ones after all these long months. Dammit, they're the ones that call me and bother to ask how my day was and likewise, I'll call them randomly as well. What's even crazier is how you'll meet new friends, or, for that matter, realize people that you've known forever that recently become your friend, real good ones too.
So the real question poses itself, do I want to remember what shallow facade my life in highschool seemed to be? Or, fuck it and move on to the things that will matter, new experiences and memories?
I still can't answer that. I have a hard time letting go things from the past. It hurts, it fucking hurts a lot. When you get passed all the good and great things that made life worth living, you remember every back stab of betrayal, every word that ate away at your insides until you had nothing left to stand on. I remember being young and discriminated upon, judged, hated, hurt, teased. All those bad memories are a gigantic slap to the face. You want to look away in shame for letting people walk all over you. I hate remember how that always seemed to happen. Why did I ever let that happen to myself? I don't know, but I'm looking toward college as an answer of redemption.
When I think about it, college is a place to reinvent yourself over and over again as many times as you like. I take that opportunity every time I can. You'll meet so many people that they may not even remember your name--so make your face and personality impressionable, they may only get to know you skin deep. Make it count.