Feeling the Walls Close Around Me
It's come back and I wish it hadn't. The fear. The sadness. The hatred and the hurt. I had a dream last night that scared me so bad, I woke up shaking and hardly could breathe. I haven't felt that scared in so long. It was so real and I was so helpless...
I screamed out and ran, but the man ran after me, grabbed and pinned me. I can remember his grin and how it felt. I actually FELT in this dream and that's probably what did a lot of it. Finally I struggled free and ran, he was right behind me, ripping at my clothes, laughing and wanting. He wanted to rape me...
That just brought back the memories and the pain that I suffered then. I was doing so well because I had gotten rid of those memories, but now they're back to haunt me. I want them to go away and I want to be strong again.
I wanted to go to bed with Ray. He isn't feeling well. All I wanted to do was be held because I'm so afraid right now. I can't stop thinking about it and it's still hard to breathe. I lay there and can hear how loud my breathing is and I'm literally shaking like crazy. How can I not be afraid. I can't stop crying, Lord and Lady help me....
I screamed out and ran, but the man ran after me, grabbed and pinned me. I can remember his grin and how it felt. I actually FELT in this dream and that's probably what did a lot of it. Finally I struggled free and ran, he was right behind me, ripping at my clothes, laughing and wanting. He wanted to rape me...
That just brought back the memories and the pain that I suffered then. I was doing so well because I had gotten rid of those memories, but now they're back to haunt me. I want them to go away and I want to be strong again.
I wanted to go to bed with Ray. He isn't feeling well. All I wanted to do was be held because I'm so afraid right now. I can't stop thinking about it and it's still hard to breathe. I lay there and can hear how loud my breathing is and I'm literally shaking like crazy. How can I not be afraid. I can't stop crying, Lord and Lady help me....