A Lesson A Day (could kill you)... Part 7

[lycaness]

Jared shut the door and leaned his back against it.  He looked down at the lack of erection in his jeans, and didn’t stop the tears from falling from his eyes as he slid to the floor.  That hadn’t been him; he didn’t act like that.  He was so aggressive, so demanding; he hadn’t even gotten slightly hard, even from the noises Jensen had made.  And the worst thing was that Jensen had enjoyed it, he’d thrived on Jared taking control, dominating him.

If that was what Jensen wanted then he was looking in the wrong place; Jared couldn’t do that; he didn’t even know where that had come from.

His stomach rolled, and Jared quickly pushed himself to his feet and ran to the bathroom.  He could taste Jensen’s come in his mouth, but no matter how much he gagged he couldn’t bring it up.  He was contemplating sticking his fingers down his throat when a voice entered his head.

“Come on, baby boy, swallow it down.  You should be able to do that by now; it’s not new anymore.  Don’t you like the taste of me?  Don’t you want to drink me all the time?”

Jared swallowed, trying not to gag on the hot seamen as it shot down his throat.  He managed it; he swallowed the load and finally the cock was pulled from his aching mouth.

As he watched it move away, a strip of spit linking them together, Jared’s stomach clenched, and before he could stop it, he was doubled over, throwing up all over the floor.

When he was done, he heard the heavy sigh from above him.  He crouched in front of him, and Jared tentatively raised his eyes to meet the piercing blue ones that bore into him.

“Now that just hurts my feelings, Jared.  That you find me so repulsive you have to puke me up.”  Jared shook his head desperately.  Why did he have to throw up?  Why couldn’t he have just kept it down like he was told to?  It didn’t matter that the taste was revolting or that the smell lingered in his nose for hours after.  All he had to do was keep it down, but he couldn’t even do that.

“Well, we’ll just have to keep trying until you get it right, won’t we?”  Jared nodded, tears falling down his face.  “Oh now, what’s this?  You’ve gone and upset yourself, haven’t you?  Don’t worry, baby boy, you’ll get it.  I won’t stop trying, I’ll give you all the help you need, okay?  I’ve taught you how to make it good, and baby boy, you make it really good; I’m so proud of you.  Now you just have to learn to do this.”

All Jared could do was nod.  This wasn’t going to end until he got it right, until he could swallow and like it.  But even then, there would be something else to learn, something else to perfect.  It would never end.

“Okay, baby boy.  I’m ready; let’s try again.”

Jared closed his eyes and opened his mouth.

Jared just sat there on the cold bathroom floor, slowly rocking back and forth, staring into space.  His arms wrapped tightly around his legs, holding them close to his body.  The tears that dripped from his eyes fell hot on his bare arms, but Jared didn’t wipe them away.

What had happened to him?  Who had he become?  All he had meant to do was give Jensen a decent kiss goodbye, not give him a hand job in the hallway of his apartment building, where anyone could have walked by.  What had come over him?

Slowly, Jared climbed to his feet, and with shaky hands he pulled off his clothes and climbed in the shower.  First, he ran the hand that he’d licked Jensen’s come from under the hot water, felling the sticky residue wash away.  Next, he opened his mouth and let the water fill it up and run out the sides until he could no longer taste the bitter, salty come.

Then, he concentrated on washing his body.  He had a good physique; he knew he did.  Jared worked out when he could, went running sometimes, and always did exercise at home.  Never again would he be the skinny loser he had been, the kid everyone thought it was okay to push around and punish when he didn’t do what he was told.

After Jared choked on the come as it spurted down his throat and puked into the trashcan again, he got mad.

“You know, this is really disrespectful,” was snarled at Jared.  “I’m giving you a huge gift, and you aren’t even man enough to stomach it.  Well, I guess we’re just going to have to make a man out of you, aren’t we?”  Jared stared into those blue eyes, fear clutching at his heart.  He’d tried; he’d really tried.  He didn’t know why he couldn’t keep it down, it was like it just got stuck in his throat and refused to go any further, and it just stayed there, choking him.

Now he was going to suffer for it; he always did when he didn’t please.  Every time Jared would be told that he had to be made a man, that he had to grow up and learn what being an adult was all about.  It didn’t matter that he was only sixteen years old-fifteen the first time-he still had to become a man, and yet he was still called ‘baby boy’ all the time.

“Take your clothes off,” he was told.  He stomach still aching; he did as he was told, stripping until he was naked.  “There’s my baby boy.  Oh Jared, you’re beautiful, you know that?”

He let those blue eyes drag over him, let himself be examined and scrutinised.  He watched as those eyes became feral, he couldn’t help but back up as the man stalked towards him.  His back hit the wall and the sneer he received was terrifying.  He wondered how much it would hurt this time.

Suddenly, he was being pinned against the wall, hands roaming all over his naked flesh, eyes eating him up and Jared’s lips were licked in anticipation.

“You’ve been keeping me busy today, haven’t you?”  It was true, three blowjobs and yet still more was expected from Jared.  He could feel breath ghosting over his skin, hands rubbing over his nipples, kisses pressed into his neck.

One of those hands came up to grip his long hair, he’d wanted to cut it so many times, but was told that it was forbidden, that he looked beautiful with long bangs, and that it would be upsetting to cut them off.  His head was yanked to one side and teeth dug into his skin.  Jared bit his lip to keep from crying out, even though he knew that the more noise he made, the more he pleased.

“Undress me,” he was ordered, and immediately he began to undo the man’s shirt buttons, pushing it back so it fell off broad shoulders and puddled on the ground.  He didn’t need to undo the trousers as they were still half hanging off from before.  Instead, he just slipped them over the round ass cheeks until they were gathered around strong ankles.

“Now, get yourself hard; there’s no point if you don’t enjoy it too.  I can’t be the one to have all the fun.”  It had taken Jared a long time to train himself to have an erection on command, but now when he was told to, he could bring himself to arousal even when he was repulsed.

He tried to keep his hands steady as he grasped his cock; he closed his eyes and began to pull on himself.

“Oh no, baby boy.  You look at me; you always look at me.  You know I like it when I can see your beautiful eyes.”  Jared opened his eyes and stared into the blue ones, though there wasn’t much blue left to be seen; they were black and dripping with lust.

Once Jared’s erection was curled towards his belly, strong hands wrapped around his wrists and his arms were shoved above his head.  It only took one hand to keep him there, he didn’t dare struggle.  He kept his eyes glued where he was told, right up until he was spun around and slammed, face first against the wall.  His chest hit it with such force that he lost his breath for a moment.

His hands were pinned above him once more, and his legs were stretched apart.  His heart pounded in his chest as he felt the blunt end of a cock against his opening.  He wasn’t going to be prepped this time; he knew it shouldn’t surprise him, prepping was something that rarely happened anymore, but this meant it was going to hurt, a lot.

Now that he didn’t have to keep eye contact, Jared felt safe to squeeze his eyes closed as the large cock was pushed inside him.  He took his lip between his teeth and tried-he really tried-to keep from crying out in pain when the burn split him in two.

“Now, now, baby boy.  You’re learning to become a man, and as a man, you can take it, can’t you?”  Jared could taste his tears falling down to his lips.  “I said can’t you?”  The cock was thrust all the way in, and Jared’s legs buckled, a scream escaping from deep within him.  Frantically he nodded, knowing that if he didn’t agree the pain would most likely get worse.

As it was, it didn’t matter.  The next thrust was just as hard, just as deep.  His ass was on fire, every movement ripping him open just that little bit more.  The pain didn’t subside, it never did, and yet the same words were whispered in his ear.

“Isn’t that good, baby boy?  Doesn’t that feel amazing?”   Jared nodded, clenching his teeth together so hard it hurt, but it wasn’t enough to distract from the now brutal thrusts into his broken body.

“Louder, I want to hear how much you’re loving it.  Tell me how good it is?”  Jared opened his mouth to speak but the next thrust was so hard only a wail came from his lips.

“Oh I know you like it hard, baby boy.  And don’t worry, I’ll fuck you hard before I finish.”  Jared couldn’t imagine it being any harder.  He was being torn apart.  “Now tell me how much you love it!”

“I-it’s so good,” Jared sobbed.  “I l-love the-feel of you i-in me.”  He really tried to make it sound honest, but at this point, it didn’t matter.

“How do you want it, baby boy?  Tell me what you want?”  Jared knew what he was supposed to say, but he still wondered what would happen if he said he wanted it to stop, that it hurt, and he didn’t like it, not one bit.

“Harder,” Jared screamed and forced himself to press back against the violent thrusts.  It always pleased the man when Jared did that and often made it over quicker.  “God, please, harder.  I-I want you to f-fuck me-so hard I feel y-you for days.

“Your wish is my command.”  Jared was surprised that the pushes into his body did actually become harder; he hadn’t thought it possible.  His hands were still being held above his head against the wall, fingers bruising into his wrists, but now they were released.

“Keep them there,” he was told, and he didn’t dare disobey.

Two hands grasped his hips, and he was pulled back against the man’s thrusts, making each one go as deep as it could.  Jared’s voice had long since abandoned him, his mouth was open in a constant scream, but after having his mouth fucked so many times and throwing up after and the sobbing and screaming, he had nothing left; he was completely broken, and the only thing to betray his agony now was the silent waterfall that cascaded from his eyes.

Then the man’s hand was a hand on his cock. The thrusts were becoming erratic, but as always he knew he would have to come first.  The hand on Jared was large and experienced, it stroked him well and by force of habit, he memorised each move to use back on the hand’s owner, knowing that everything that ever happened, he was expected to learn from it.

“Now, come for me, baby boy,” the man’s voice was ragged, so near to its own climax.  “Come on, fucking come for me.”  Jared concentrated, willed himself to let go, to spurt his release.  As he came, he felt nothing, no pleasure, no thrill; he was completely numb.

A cry came from behind him, hips stuttered, and then he was being pushed against the wall by an almost dead weight.

“There’s a good boy,” he was praised, making him feel like the family pet.  “Look at me.”

The cock was pulled from his body, and he could feel the release dripping from his ass.  He turned his head and raised his eyes to meet the blue ones and watched as the come-covered hand was lifted to meet the man’s long pink tongue so that he could taste it.

“Mmm, you taste so good, baby boy.  Now, see how I like the taste of you?  It’s not too much to ask that you return the compliment is it?”  Jared shook his head as much as he could.  Jared had left his hands above his head, pressed firmly into the wall, as he hadn’t been told he could lower them yet.

“Now, taste it.”  The man’s hand was pushed into his face and hovered there, waiting.  Tentatively, Jared reached out his tongue and licked along one finger; suddenly the finger was forced inside his mouth.

“Suck it clean,” he was told; so that’s what he did.  He sucked the finger, and every following finger, until they were clean of his come.  He swallowed it all down and prayed silently that he didn’t gag this time.  His stomach rolled, he took deep breaths through his nose and somehow managed to keep control.

The body that was leaning against him moved back slightly, and without the pressure holding him up, Jared slipped down the wall, collapsing on the floor.  His eyes drooped and his body trembled; he didn’t know how much more of this he could take, but the thought of saying ‘no’ was almost more terrifying than going through with it every time.

“Are you cold, baby boy?” he was asked.  Jared nodded and wrapped his arms around himself.  He wasn’t cold; if anything he was hot, his skin warming him in waves and adding to the sheen of sweat covering his naked form.  But he couldn’t say that he was shaking from the shock of what had been done to him, couldn’t say that his mind was slowly giving up on him and that the idea of it terrified him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep you warm.”  Strong arms wrapped around him, and Jared was pulled against a similarly naked body.  Jared leaned in, letting himself be held, kissed on his neck and shoulder.  “I always take care of you, don’t I?  I always protect you.  Don’t I?”

Jared nodded, a tremor shoving its way through him as he remembered how this all started.

“So, what do you say?”  Jared swallowed, his throat protesting at the movement.

“Thank you,” Jared said in as strong a voice as he could manage.

“For what?”

“For being so good to me.  For making me feel so good.  For giving me what I need.  For teaching me to be a man.”  Jared reeled off the things he’d learned he was supposed to say.

“You’re welcome, baby boy.  I’m always here when you need me, you know that.”

Jared nodded again, his eyes falling closed.  His mind reminded him that he couldn’t fall asleep, that he had to get home, do his homework.  But he couldn’t stop the exhaustion from getting the better of him, so he curled into those arms, and let his eyes close.

He hated that he found comfort in the arms of this man, the man who caused him so much pain.  But when it was like this, all soft kisses and gentle hands, Jared knew he could let go and just be himself, sometimes he was even allowd to cry it all out, and he would be rocked and shushed until he’d cried everything he had.  He’d be told that he’d always be safe there, that no one was going to get to him while he was there.  And he knew it was true.

“I love you, Jared,” he was told.  “I do all this because I love you so very much.”

“I love you, too,” Jared replied, and in some sick and twisted way, he meant it.

Jared fell to his knees under the hot spray of the shower.  The realisation of what he’d done dawning on him in horrifying clarity.

I’d become him.  His entire body shook violently, his mouth hung open in a silent scream.  Jared sat there for God knows how long, memories swirling around in his head, memories of that time when he was sixteen, and many other times besides that, and what had happened with Jensen just outside his door.  He’d pinned Jensen to the wall, just as he’d been pinned as a kid; he’d been relentless, forceful.  He’d ordered Jensen to come, like he’d trained himself to do.  He’d licked Jensen’s come from his hand and he’d liked it, just as he’d been told to.  He’d been a strange combination of himself and his training and him.  Jared had spent so long memorising everything he did; learning everything there was to learn.

“Oh God, oh fucking hell,” Jared sobbed, reaching his hand up to turn off the water.  “What’s happening to me?”

He crawled out of the shower and dragged a towel off the rail, wrapping it around him.  He stayed curled up on the floor, his legs unable to hold his weight and his mind to far gone to form thoughts about getting dressed.

He became lost in his memories of moments of tender love and hours of violent pain.  All images and feelings bombarding him as he shivered on the bathroom floor.

Now, his head was pounding, replacing the constant ringing in his ears, he tried to shut it out.  All he wanted was peace, for his mind to go blank.  He could still feel hands on him, moving him, shaking him.  He curled tighter in on himself, and tried to block out the words whispered breathily in his ear as the psychological pain wracked through his body.

“Jared, Jay,” the voice wouldn’t stop, the hands kept touching.

“Jay, it’s Sandy, come on honey, snap out of it.”  Jared frowned, Sandy wasn’t supposed to be here; she should leave before she got hurt too.  “Jay, you’re safe.  You’re safe, honey.  You’re in Seattle; he’s not here; he can’t hurt you anymore.  Come on, Jay, come back to me?”

Her voice was panicked, but her words made no sense.  He was hurting Jared, all the time; it never stopped.  She should leave, he’d cause her to get hurt too, if he ever found out she knew, God knows what he’d do.

Through bleary eyes Jared could make out the shape of Sandy.  He reached for her, forcing himself to his feet he made her move, made her get away from him.

“Go Sandy, you can’t be here; it’s not safe,” Jared told her, his voice barely about a whisper.

“Jared, Jay, stop.  You’re hurting me; Jared let go,” Sandy begged, her voice sad and scared.

“What?” Jared blinked.  He was hurting her?  No he was protecting her!

“Jay, look at me?” she pleaded.

Jared blinked again, his eyes focusing on the blurry form in front of him, on his hands gripping Sandy’s arms bruisingly tight.

“Sandy?”

“Yes Jay.  We’re in Seattle, remember?  You’re in your apartment, and you’re safe, okay, you’re safe here.”  Sandy’s words brought new images to his mind, images of him and Sandy sitting on his sofa, throwing popcorn at each other, drinking beer, dancing in clubs.

“Oh God, Sand,” Jared whimpered and released his hold on her.  She didn’t run, she didn’t back away, she simply caught him in her arms as he sank to the floor; Sandy didn’t care that he was completely naked, the towel he’d wrapped himself in left and forgotten on the bathroom floor.

“It’s okay, Jay.  I’m here; it’s okay now,” Sandy soothed him, rocking him gently and stroking his now-dry and messy hair.

“What have I become, Sand?” he asked her, begged her for answers he knew she couldn’t possibly possess.  “What’s happening to me?”

Sandy just held him, calmed him.  He didn’t know how long they sat huddled together on the floor, but eventually Jared’s shivers were from the cold and not the fear.

“You ready to get dressed?” Sandy asked quietly.

Jared nodded and let her lead him into the bedroom.  She sat him on the bed and collected some clothes for him, some boxers, a pair of sweat pants, and an old comfortable t-shirt.  He nodded to let her know that he could dress himself.

“How did you know?” he asked her softly.

“You didn’t show up at work, and Tom said he couldn’t get hold of you.  You weren’t answering your phone,” she explained.

Jared nodded in understanding.  Sandy had let herself in; she’d always had a key to his place, for moments just like this one.  It was a comfort to Jared to know that she could always get to him when nothing and no one else could reach him, when he was too far gone.

“You get dressed, I’m just gonna phone Tom, and tell him you’re sick and won’t be at work tonight, okay?”

Jared watched her go, flipping her phone open as she went.  He could hear her as he pulled on his clothes, telling Tom she’d found him in the bathroom, and that he was really sick, that she was going to stay with him and make sure he was alright.  He smiled a little, this wasn’t the first time she’d lied to Tom for him, telling Tom that Jared was sick and couldn’t come to work.

Jared’s eyes drifted over his bed; he remembered Jensen laying between his sheets, felt his body against him.  That had been him, the real Jared-the thrill in his bones as Jensen had kissed him, the erection he’d formed as a result of Jensen’s touch, of touching Jensen, that was how he wanted it to be, if only he could get past his fears, get past the torment that entered his mind when he tried to be happy.

He’d always avoided this, never getting involved with anyone, never meeting anyone he’d want to take the chance with.  But Jensen?  He made Jared feel safe just by holding his hand; he saw the affection in Jensen’s eyes and could drown in them.

“Hey, how you feeling?” Sandy asked gently as she came back in the room.

“Better, thanks,” Jared said honestly.  He stood from the bed, and he and Sandy went to curl up on the sofa.

“You want to talk about it?”  Sandy leaned back against the arm of the couch, and Jared curled up over her, resting his head on her belly as she stroked his hair.  “What did you mean, ‘what have you become’?”

Jared sighed and stared at the blank screen of the television.  “Jensen stayed here this afternoon, he came back with me after class and slept in my bed,” Jared started with the easy bit.  Sandy didn’t comment, she just carded her hand through his hair while her other hand gripped his shoulder lightly, letting him know it was alright.

“When we woke up, he kissed me, and it was amazing, Sand.  It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.”

“Kissing can be like that,” Sandy said with a smile in her voice.  She knew Jared didn’t have the experience to compare to.

“Then it got pretty intense,” Jared paused and felt Sandy squeeze his shoulder more firmly.  “But it was still good, you know?  I liked it, until-until it started feeling wrong on the inside, like all these amazing things I was feeling, what my body was going through was forbidden, that I was being unfaithful,” his voice started to crack.

“You know that’s not true, Jay.  You don’t belong to anyone but yourself,” Sandy stated firmly.

“I know, I do know that, but-it’s like, with kissing him, kissing Jensen, it feels right, you know?  It feels perfect.  Like I’ve come that far, that I can allow myself to have that.  But when it comes to having more, I just haven’t gotten that far yet, and I don’t know if I can keep up with the speed things are moving.  I was about to break, Sand, and I had no idea what would happen if I did.”

“And that’s what triggered this?” she asked kindly, no judgment or accusation in her voice.

“No, it’s what came after.  Fuck, I became another person; I was out of control,” Jared told her, tears falling from his eyes as he remembered what he’d done.

“What do you mean, Jay?  What did you do?”  Jared could hear the worry she was trying so desperately to hide.

“It was only supposed to be a kiss, to say goodbye,” Jared said meekly, turning his head into her stomach more, trying to hide from the horrible truth of it all.  “But it was more, I-I wasn’t me, Sand, I was more like-him.”  His body shook, and Sandy stopped brushing his hair to hold him tight against her.

“But he liked it, he asked for more and I-I gave it to him.  I made him want it.  I touched him until he came apart in my hands, until I told him too.  That’s not me, Sandy, that’s him.  I was becoming him.”  Jared broke down, tears soaking into Sandy top.

~~~

Sandy shuffled down a little until she was laying under Jared, holding him close to her and letting him get it all out.

Even though she knew that this is what he used to do, she also knew that sometimes it was the only thing that calmed Jared down.  So she held him, pressed kisses into his skin and told him everything was okay.

Eventually Jared fell asleep, his face still streaked with tears, his body exhausted.  Sandy stayed, she quietly called Chris and cancelled their date for the night, told him something had come up and she was sorry, that she’d make it up to him.

Sandy didn’t move until Jared’s dream made him thrash so badly, his arms and legs swinging around wildly, she had to get out of the way for her own safety; she called to him from a distance, waited for him to come out of it, and then she held him again.  She didn’t sleep that night.  Four times Jared woke up screaming, and each time she was there to calm him down.

She knew he’d be full of apologies in the morning, just like she knew she would shake them off.  She’d do anything for Jared; she loved him more than anyone else in the world.  He was her brother in so many ways that blood could never create, and she would die to protect him.

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