A Lesson A Day (could kill you)... Part 4
Jared’s stomach was doing summersaults. He paced his living room and waited for Jensen to turn up. He still couldn’t believe he’d given Jensen his address, but it had just seemed like such a normal thing to do at the time.
He’d woken up a nine-unable to sleep any longer, his nerves forcing him awake-showered, dressed, and quickly tidied up as best he could. He wasn’t a messy person, and he didn’t own much so it wasn’t a difficult task, but he didn’t want Jensen thinking he was a slob, so everything had to be perfect.
They’d stayed at the bar for hours after everyone else had left. Jensen tried teaching him to roll a bottle down his arm and catch it in his hand, but Jared couldn’t quite get it to roll all the way down, it tended to fall off before it got to his elbow. Jared a broken two bottles - luckily they were using empty ones-and apologised so much Jensen had forbidden him to use the word ‘sorry’ anymore.
Jared had enjoyed himself so much, they’d laughed until tears fell from their eyes. Jared had gone through the bar’s CD collection, putting on different songs and spurring heated arguments about which bands were better live. It had been like they had been friends for years.
When they’d said goodnight, Jared had wanted Jensen to kiss him so badly, he hadn’t cared about just being friends or getting to know each other; he just wanted to feel Jensen close to him, to taste his lips, and melt into him. But Jensen had been a perfect gentleman and had sent him away with a light touch to the small of his back and a promise to see him tomorrow.
Jared looked at the clock on the microwave; it was five past ten. Jensen was late. Worry wormed its way into Jared’s head and whispered evil thoughts about Jensen changing his mind; that he wasn’t coming and didn’t really want to get to know Jared at all.
Finally, there was a knock on the door, and Jared practically ran to answer it. He forced himself to pause, brushed his hands down his front to smooth out his shirt, and flicked his hair back. Okay, here goes nothing, he thought as he pulled open the door.
“Hey,” he said shyly, watching Jensen fidget and look nervously up at him.
“Hey,” Jensen mimicked quietly. They stood and stared at each other for a moment; Jared couldn’t help dragging his eyes over Jensen, taking in his tight black tee and snug dark blue jeans that he just knew Jensen’s ass would look fantastic in if he turned round.
“Hey,” Jared murmured again, and blushed when he noticed Jensen looking him over too.
“You hungry?” Jensen asked suddenly, as though snapped out of a trance.
“Starving,” Jared said, and he knew it wasn’t food he was hungry for.
Jensen held up the bag in his hand and waved it in front of Jared’s face.
“Oh, right, sorry,” Jared stammered. “Come on in; I’ll get us some plates.”
Jared let Jensen past him and shut the door; he closed his eyes for a second and cursed himself for being so embarrassing.
Soon they were sitting at the counter; plates full of the waffles and pancakes Jensen had brought, just as he’d promised.
“God, these are delicious, where did you get them?” Jared moaned around a mouth full of pancake.
“There’s this place called Ali’s near mine, sells the best breakfasts in Seattle, and Ali’s a real nice girl,” Jensen explained, chuckling at Jared’s enthusiastic eating habits.
“You go there a lot?” Jared asked, this time remembering to swallow his food before speaking.
“Almost everyday,” Jensen nodded and picked up his coffee, groaning with pleasure as it went down. Jared watched in fascination, his stomach clenching at the sounds Jensen made and the look of ecstasy on his face. “They make the best coffee too.”
“I’ll have to check it out some time,” Jared cleared his throat and forced himself to look away, feeling his pants getting tighter so that he had to shift on his stool to get more comfortable. He was really glad Jensen was sitting the other side of the counter and couldn’t see his embarrassment.
“You should,” Jensen nodded in agreement. “You know, you could always go there with me, sometime, we could, you know, have dinner, or something.”
Jared’s heart sped up, his skin flushed with heat. Did Jensen just ask me out on a date?
“Um, yeah,” he squeaked. “I’d really like that, Jensen.” He was rewarded with a blinding smile, and stared as the corners of Jensen’s eyes creased; he wished he could make them do that all the time.
“Great, how about tomorrow?” Jensen suggested. “That or Wednesday ‘cause I’m stuck working the rest of the week.”
“Oh, I’m working Wednesday night, but tomorrow’s good, I can totally do tomorrow,” Jared insisted, nodding eagerly. He wanted to see as much of Jensen as he could, now he’d gotten over his initial fear he was desperate to spend time with the other man.
“Excellent, it’s a date.” Jensen paused, he looked sharply at Jared, as if he’d just realised what he’d said. “I mean - do you - only if you want it to be - a date?”
“Oh, um-” Jared’s throat closed up on him, he coughed to try and clear it. “Um, okay. Yeah, okay, we could do that.”
He smiled shyly at Jensen who beamed at him, looking for all he was worth like he’d just won the lottery.
“Okay, good,” Jensen smiled wider. “That’s good.” That deafening silence descended on them and Jared squirmed on his stool. “Oh, hey. I got those beanbags for you,” Jensen said suddenly. He leaned down - Jared’s eyes following the line of his back at he stretched - and pulled up the other bag he’d brought with him. Jared cleared away their empty plates before moving to Jensen’s side to see what the bag contained.
Jensen pulled out four beanbags, Jared thought he could probably fit all four into one hand but he didn’t test the theory. Then Jensen took out some plastic bottles, like the ones they used in class.
“I got these too, so you can practice at home and move onto these when you feel ready,” Jensen told him. “But I suggest you start with the bags first.”
Jared picked up the bags and tested their weight. “Okay, so, um, how does this work?”
“Just start with one to begin with,” Jensen said, taking one of the bags from Jared, their hands brushing so lightly it tickled Jared’s skin and he almost pulled his hand away.
“How can I juggle with just one?” he asked.
“Look,” Jensen instructed and started throwing the bag from one hand to the other, but his eyes never once landed on his hands, they stayed glued to the air and tracked the bag as it went up. “You gotta keep you eyes up, see where the beanbag is and catch it without looking.”
“Okay,” Jared said, doubting he’d be able to catch it if he wasn’t looking. But he tried and found it easy to judge where the bag was going to fall and had his hand there ready to catch it.
“Good,” Jensen said. “Now, this time I want you to use two. Throw them one after the other, like this, crossing them in the air and catching them.” Jensen demonstrated and after a couple of times Jared felt confident enough to give it a go. This was slightly more difficult but Jared pulled it of without too much trouble.
“This is easy so far,” Jared commented, happy that he hadn’t dropped anything yet.
“Now it gets harder,” Jensen promised. He took another one of the beanbags from Jared, held two in one hand and one in the other. “Hold them like this, then you throw one of the ones in this hand -” he held up the hand with two beanbags in it. “- then the one in the other hand and then the last one. Just try and do it once, don’t try and continue it yet. Just throw them each once and catch them, okay?”
Jared watched Jensen demonstrate for a moment, enjoying the way the muscles in his arms flexed as he moved them, then he stopped him, took the beanbags off him and held them in his hands as instructed.
“Okay, here goes nothing,” he murmured and took a deep breath to steady himself.
The first two bags flew into the air and were making a good course back to his waiting hands, but when he threw the third one, it went wild and ended up out of his reach. Jared leaned to try and catch it but he missed by miles and it landed with a soft thump on the floor.
“Told you it was harder,” Jensen chuckled as Jared picked the bag back up.
“Yeah, no shit,” Jared shot him an annoyed but playful look and tried again. The bags were better on track this time but the Jared was concentrating so hard to catching the third one he completely missed the second. “There’s just too much to keep track of at the same time,” Jared complained.
“That’s why it takes practice,” Jensen explained, smirking slightly.
“Don’t laugh at me,” Jared pouted. “I’m a beginner.”
“I’m not laughing at you, I swear,” Jensen chuckled and Jared threw a beanbag at him - which of course Jensen caught easily and threw it back, hitting Jared on his head.
“Hey,” Jared protested and threw the remaining two bags in quick succession. Jensen just batted them out the way and they both laughed hard.
“Come on, you’re supposed to be practicing,” Jensen picked up the bags and tossed them gently to Jared.
“Yeah okay, stop distracting me,” Jared moaned but shot Jensen a cheeky grin.
“My arms are killing me,” Jared complained after about two hours. “And I’m starving.”
“What? After that great big breakfast?” Jensen gaped at him. “Surely you can’t be hungry already?”
“What? I’m a big boy,” Jared said in his defence and didn’t fail to notice the darkening of Jensen’s eyes. “I mean, I’m tall and everything, in height. I’m not exactly short-” he gave up digging himself a deeper hole and blushed furiously. Jensen laughed heartily at his fluster but chose not to comment on it, something for which Jared was eternally grateful.
“So, you wanna go get some lunch?” Jensen suggested hopefully.
“Absolutely.” Jared praised the gods for the change of subject and grabbed his jacket, checking that his wallet and keys were in the pockets before heading for the door. Jensen followed him with a smirk still attached to his lips. “My treat, seeing as you got breakfast,” Jared insisted.
“That’s okay, you don’t have to buy me lunch,” Jensen argued, but Jared just shot him a “shut up” look, and Jensen backed down. “Okay, thanks.”
“Anywhere you wanna go?” Jared asked once they were outside.
“You’re paying; you choose,” Jensen said, letting Jared lead the way.
“I know just the place,” Jared said without offering anymore information. He bounced excitedly and took off at a quick pace; Jensen had to hurry to keep up with his long legs.
They chatted comfortably as they walked, bumping shoulders occasionally. When their hands brushed, Jared’s skin prickled as he fought the shiver threatening to wrack his body.
“So, Sandy and Chris seem to be getting along well,” Jared said, casting a glance over to Jensen to gauge his reaction. Jensen grinned.
“Yeah, I’m glad. They make a cute couple. Chris is a good guy, you don’t have to worry about him hurting her,” Jensen told Jared, as if he’d read Jared’s mind.
Jared knew Chris was a decent person, and he knew he shouldn’t be worried but there was that nagging urge just to make sure. “I know,” Jared said. “It’s just-Sandy doesn’t date often.”
“How come?” Jensen asked innocently.
“Oh, um-” Jared bit his lip; he’d said too much.
“Oh hey, don’t worry, man. It’s none of my business,” Jensen quickly rescued him, and Jared was grateful.
“I know I shouldn’t worry about her as much as I do; Sandy’s ten times tougher than I’ll ever be,” Jared tried to carry on as though he hadn’t slipped up. He didn’t want to tell Jensen that Sandy didn’t date because guys didn’t like how close she was to him. How Sandy would drop everything she was doing to go to him if he called her, freaking out. They hated that sometimes Jared would turn up at Sandy’s door in the early hours of the morning, and Sandy would lie on the sofa with him while he cried himself to sleep. But Sandy never complained, not once; she’d dumped many a guy because they’d called Jared a freak in front of her, and that was something she wouldn’t stand for.
Jared loved Sandy; he always would, but he often wished he didn’t have to rely on her so heavily. He constantly felt guilty that her life revolved around him. She’d moved away from her home and her family to come and live with Jared in Seattle, and to do so she’d told her parents she wanted to go to the college there. So, they’d let her apply to Seattle U and the UW and were really excited when she was accepted to her first choice of UW. She never once told anyone where Jared was or that she even knew he was okay. Jared had asked her to keep it a secret, and that’s exactly what she’d done. Sandy kept many secrets for him, and he’d be eternally grateful.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Jensen said slyly, bringing Jared out of his musings. “I seem to remember a certain someone knocking a sleaze flat on his ass because he messed with Sandy. That makes you pretty tough in my book.”
Jared flushed and ducked his head. “You wanna know something?” he asked sheepishly; Jensen nodded and fixed his gaze on Jared. “That was the first time I’d ever hit anyone in my life.”
Jensen gawked at him in disbelief. “What, ever?” Jared nodded in the affirmative, and Jensen shook his head in wonder. “Wow, that’s-wow. So, what are you, some sort of pacifist?”
Jared laughed. “No, I’ve got nothing against someone getting a smack if they deserve it; it’s just never been something I’ve been able to do before.” Jared suddenly decided that this wasn’t a conversation he wanted to be having either. Being friends with Jensen was going to be harder than he’d thought, there were so many things he couldn’t tell him and wouldn’t want to even if he could voice them; Jensen would probably run screaming if he knew.
“Wow, you must’ve lived a pretty perfect life, never having to fight anyone,” Jensen said as though he were impressed and a little envious.
If only you knew! Jared thought miserably.
Jared looked away, a dark cloud spreading over his previous good mood. Luckily he was saved by the sight of the café. Jared pointed to their destination. “We’re here,” he told Jensen who had been frowning at him, studying him as if he knew Jared was hiding something.
Hastily Jared opened the door for Jensen, and waited till he’d stepped inside to follow.
“Well, lookie what we have here,” said a voice. Jared was surprised to see Chris standing up from a booth and enveloping Jensen in a friendly hug; a jolt of jealousy shot through Jared, but he shook it away and beamed when he saw Sandy coming towards him.
“Hey girl, I didn’t know you were gonna be here,” he said, greeting her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and wondered briefly if Jensen would be jealous too.
“I don’t run my schedule past you, you know,” Sandy teased and kept a hand on his arm. She waved to Jensen before shooting Jared a knowing look, causing Jared to go a deep shade of red.
“You can talk,” he hissed in her ear and looked towards Chris, who was talking with Jensen. This time, it was Sandy’s turn to blush and Jared stared at her open mouthed. “You didn’t.” He could tell just by her expression that she’d slept with Chris, that they hadn’t been apart since they’d left the bar the night before.
Sandy beamed at him, bouncing on her heels, her eyes glowing with excitement. Jared couldn’t help it, he wrapped his arms around her again and squeezed her tight, so happy that Sandy had trusted Chris enough to be with him like that. Sandy hugged him back just as hard.
“Do I need to have ‘the talk’ with him?” Jared teased, and Sandy smacked him hard.
“Don’t you dare,” she hissed at him. “I really like this guy; don’t go scaring him off, okay?”
Jared looked down, all jesting suddenly forgotten and his previous thoughts flooding back into his head.
Sandy noticed immediately, and her face fell. “Oh, honey. I didn’t mean it like that; you know I didn’t,” she said desperately.
“I know, it’s okay, Sand, don’t worry. I’ll try not to spoil it for you; I promise,” Jared told her and swore to himself that it was true. He really liked Chris, and he was happy for them.
“Hey,” Sandy nudged him, looking at him with a worried expression. “We okay?”
“Always,” Jared reassured her quickly, and he meant it; he’d never hold anything against Sandy. He gave her one last quick squeeze before releasing her and heading to the booth Jensen and Chris were sitting in.
“Hey,” Jensen smiled when Jared slid in next to him. “So, what’s good here?”
“Everything,” Sandy supplied, sitting next to Chris and moving to sit very close to him. Jared could see Chris’s hand move to her knee under the table and he fought the smile that itched to stretch his lips.
“What’ll ya have?” the waitress appeared by their table, note pad in hand and pen poised at the ready.
Jared exchanged a glance with Sandy who just grinned, eye flashing. “We’ll have two chicken burgers with everything but tomatoes, extra mayo and double fries, please,” he told the waitress, who jotted it down and nodded. Then she looked expectantly at Chris and Jensen who were staring at Jared and Sandy in confusion.
“Um, I’ll have the cheese burger and small fries, please,” Jensen placed his order.
“Sounds good, I’ll have the same, but with large fries and a side salad,” Chris said, snapping the menu closed.
“You guys want coffee while you wait?” the waitress asked.
“We will,” Sandy said, indicating her and Jared.
“Yes please,” Chris and Jensen said at the same time. The waitress finished noting everything down and left the table.
“You guys eat here often?” Jensen asked, staring at Jared and Sandy, an amused expression on his face.
“All the time, why?” Jared asked.
Jensen and Chris laughed at the confused looks he and Sandy were giving them.
“Do you always order for each other?” Chris questioned with a chuckle.
“Oh.” Jared bit his lip and laughed.
“Yeah, we kinda do that a lot,” Sandy said meekly.
“People say we share a brain,” Jared explained.
“So long as that’s all you share,” Chris said and draped an arm over Sandy’s shoulders; she snuggled closer to him, a happy smile on her face.
“I think you’re safe,” Jared laughed. “As much as I love her, she’s not quite what I go for.”
“I can see that,” Chris smirked and flicked his eyes to Jensen, who blushed beautifully at the unsaid accusation.
Jared smiled shyly at Jensen, his own cheeks burning. Then Jensen made an unexpected move and placed his hand hesitantly over Jared’s on the table. Jared was so shocked he just stared at their hands; he didn’t know what to do. Looking up he met Sandy’s eyes a silently begged her for advice. Sandy smiled at him and tilted her head in a slight nod. She was telling him to go for it; that it would be okay.
Slowly and cautiously Jared turned his hand until his and Jensen’s palms were touching and Jensen linked their fingers, giving Jared’s hand a little squeeze. Jared’s heart was beating way too fast, he knew it was irrational to be overwhelmed just by holding hands, but that’s how he felt; he’d never just held hands with a guy before. Hell, he’d never even dated another guy before, not since… This whole thing was so knew to him, and he was terrified.
Everyone made small talk around him, but all Jared could focus on was the warm heat of Jensen’s hand and the slow movement of his thumb tracing circles into Jared’s skin. When their food was placed in front of them, Jensen still didn’t release his hand; instead he used his other hand to pick at his fries. Jared did the same, his appetite no longer as strong as it had been just half an hour previous. How could he focus on food when Jensen was holding his hand?
“I think we’re gonna need a crowbar, Sandy,” Chris joked, looking pointedly at Jensen and Jared’s combined fingers. “At least so they don’t starve to death.”
Sandy smacked him in the chest. “Leave them alone; it’s sweet,” she scolded.
Jensen gave Jared’s hand a squeeze before untwining their fingers and releasing his grip. Jared immediately felt the loss of Jensen’s warmth and just wanted to grab his hand back and never let go; instead he smiled shyly and occupied his hand by picking up his chicken burger.
While they ate their food, Chris talked about the band, telling them about the other venues they played, and Sandy listened with wrapped attention.
“I swear, Jen here only keeps himself so busy behind the bar so he doesn’t have to sing with us,” Chris said slyly, a second later he flinched and there was a thud, Jared laughed when he realised Jensen had just kicked Chris under the table.
“You sing?” Jared asked innocently.
“No,” Jensen said firmly.
“Oh, don’t let him sugar coat it; Jen’s a great singer, he just suffers from stage fright,” Chris informed them, ignoring the deadly glares he was getting from Jensen.
“Oh, I know how you feel,” Sandy commented sympathetically. “I tried to do a show once in high school, do you remember, Jay? I had Jared rehearsing the lines with me for weeks before the auditions, and when it got to my turn, I stood up on that stage and couldn’t say a word; I was completely frozen solid. Thus ending my great acting career.”
“So, how come you didn’t audition too?” Jensen asked Jared curiously. “I get the impression you two did everything together.”
Sandy’s eyes widened, and Jared gulped hard on the bite of food he was chewing. Jared forced a laugh, stretching his smile wide enough to hurt.
“Oh no, really not my thing,” Jared said, trying to keep his voice steady.
“How come?” Chris probed, and Jared winced.
“I wasn’t exactly what you’d call ‘outgoing’ in school,” Jared tried to explain, without mentioning that he was the school’s punching bag, and that the last thing he wanted was to put himself on show for more ridicule than he already got. “I tended to stick to my studies.”
“Yeah, what did you study on college?” Jensen asked, honestly interested in Jared’s life.
Jared looked at Sandy and the sympathetic apology he saw in her eyes broke his heart; she was blaming herself for bringing up the topic of school, and now Jared had to answer all the difficult questions he liked to avoid. But Jared knew that by getting involved with Jensen he was going to have to go through all this at some point; better now than later.
“I never went to college,” Jared said quietly.
“Why not, if you studied so hard in school?” Chris seemed oblivious to Jared’s discomfort, but Jensen must have noticed because he took Jared’s hand where he was clenching it in his lap. Jared thought he should lie; he should say he took a year off and just never went back, or that he wanted to travel and ended up here working for Tom, but when he looked into Jensen’s eyes he found himself unable to lie to him.
“Because I never finished high school,” he said weakly, his voice cracking slightly. He looked away, unable to bear the sympathetic curiosity on Jensen’s face.
Jared waited, drowning in the stunned silence he’d caused. He knew the inevitable question would come any second, and they would ask him why he didn’t finish high school, what went wrong, why was he such a screw up?
“Oh crap, I’ve got to go,” Jensen said suddenly, looking at his watch. “I’ve got tons of things to do before I have to open up tonight.”
“Oh, okay,” Jared said. He wondered if Jensen was just making an excuse, if really he just wanted to get away from Jared. Jared slid out of the booth so Jensen could get out.
“Walk me out?” Jensen asked Jared, holding his hand out, a hopeful expression on his face.
“Sure,” Jared smiled and took his hand. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he told Sandy and Chris.
Once they were outside the door Jensen turned to Jared, looking meekly at him.
“I’m sorry about that, sometimes Chris doesn’t know when to stop,” Jensen apologised.
“Oh hey, don’t worry about it,” Jared waved away his apology, but on the inside he was overjoyed. “It’s just not something I like to talk about much.”
“I get that, and it’s okay,” Jensen told him seriously. “But if you ever did want to tell me, I’d listen.”
Jared smiled. How did Jensen get to be so wonderful? “Thanks,” he murmured.
“So, we still on for tomorrow?” Jensen asked, his face lighting up at the mention of their date.
“Definitely,” Jared confirmed, pleased that Jensen still wanted to go with him.
“Cool, I’ll pick you up around seven?” Jensen queried.
“Seven sounds perfect,” Jared grinned.
Jensen still hadn’t let go of his hand, and Jared held on to it like a lifeline, afraid that if he let go Jensen would run as far away from him as possible, and Jared honestly didn’t think he could handle that rejection.
Jensen stepped closer, tugging gently on Jared’s hand, urging him to do the same. They were standing so close their chests were almost touching; Jared could feel Jensen’s breath on his face sending tingling sensations through his body.
“So, tomorrow then,” Jensen almost whispered.
“Yeah, seven o’clock,” Jared nodded and leaned toward Jensen a little.
“I’m looking forward to it,” Jensen licked his lips, and Jared followed the move with wide eyes.
“Me too,” Jared left his lips parted and felt Jensen’s hand fall onto his hip, softly caressing the skin there.
A group of teenagers pushed past them, trying to get into the café, and they were forced apart.
They chuckled a little when they came back together, but this time they didn’t touch, the moment was broken.
“Tomorrow,” Jensen said firmly.
“Tomorrow,” Jared agreed.
Then Jensen was gone; Jared watched his back until he disappeared round the corner, but Jensen did turn back, taking one last look at Jared before waving goodbye and leaving.
Jared bounded back into the café, remembering that he still had to pay the bill and that Sandy and Chris were waiting for him. He was grinning so hard when he returned to the booth that Sandy’s worried expression melted away immediately. All thoughts of school, college, and failures forgotten.
Chris and Sandy appeared to be very cosy together, so Jared quickly excused himself, paid the bill for his and Jensen’s food, and left them to it, kissing Sandy on the cheek and whispering in her ear for her to behave herself.
Sandy smacked him, but grinned and he left. Jared smiled too, really glad to see Sandy so happy.
***
Jensen paced outside Jared’s door. He’d been there ten minutes already, but still hadn’t summoned up the nerve to knock. He looked down at himself once again, smoothing out invisible creases from his blue and white checked shirt. He should have worn the green one; everyone always told him he looked good in green. Should he have worn slacks instead of jeans? No, they weren’t going to a dressy place, but it was a date so dressy casual was good. He looked good; he was sure he did.
Taking a deep breath, he raised his fist and finally knocked on the door. He fidgeted from one foot to the other while he waited for Jared to answer. He couldn’t wait to see the Jared; he’d been excited about their date all day, and Steve had taken great pleasure in teasing him for it. Chris was still no where to be seen; Jensen assumed he was still with Sandy.
From the other side of the door Jensen heard a thud, a crash, and some muffled curses. He smiled. Looks like I’m not the only one who’s nervous.
Finally, the door opened, and Jensen caught his breath when he saw Jared. He wore faded blue jeans and a black, long-sleeved tee that hugged his body. Jensen found his eyes tracing the defined muscles that showed through the material and longed to reach out and touch them.
“Wow, you look amazing,” Jensen choked on his own words and smiled endearingly when Jared blushed.
“You look pretty amazing yourself,” Jared said shyly, his eyes skimming up and down Jensen’s body.
“Thanks,” Jensen smiled. They stood in an awkward silence for a moment. “You ready to go?” Jensen asked quickly.
“Um, yeah, lead the way.”
The diner wasn’t far and within half an hour they were seated with their orders in front of them.
“Wow, this looks great,” Jared commented as he practically salivated over his steak. Jensen just chuckled and chose not to say “I told you so.”
“So, I haven’t seen Chris for a while, is he still hanging out with Sandy?” Jensen chose to ask instead, starting them off on familiar and friendly ground.
“You know, I haven’t seen Sandy either, so I’d say it’s a fair bet that they’re still holed up somewhere,” Jared said waggling his eyebrows and sticking his tongue between his teeth.
Jensen watched Jared’s pink tongue get squashed between his white teeth and licked his lips absently.
Clearing his throat, he stared at his food. “I sense love in the air,” he smiled, knowing that Jared was just as happy for Chris and Sandy as he was.
“It’s about time; Sandy could use some loving in her life,” Jared said after swallowing a mouthful of steak. “If there’s anyone that deserves it, it’s her!”
“What about you?” Jensen probed, staring at Jared, so he didn’t miss his reaction.
“What about me what?” Jared asked, confused.
“You ever been in love?”
“Oh,” Jared paused, frowning into his beer before taking a loud, deep gulp. “I thought I was-once-a long time ago.” His eyes rose to meet Jensen’s, and Jensen gasped at the overwhelming sadness he saw buried in there, along with a fair mixture of pain, and was that-fear?
“Got burned huh?” Jensen said knowingly; he knew just how that felt.
“You could say that,” Jared said quietly. Jared’s knuckles whitened around his beer bottle, and Jensen winced, hoping he wouldn’t break it.
“What happened?” he asked cautiously, but curious to find out who it was that had hurt Jared so badly.
“He just-” Jared stared at the table, his eyes haunted as though he was staring into the past. “He wasn’t the person I thought he was,” Jared finished, his voice quivering so badly Jensen reached out and took the hand that didn’t have a death grip on the beer bottle.
“I know how that goes,” he said sympathetically. Jared glanced up, his eyes swimming with tears and Jensen really wanted to ask more, but Jared jumped on the change of focus.
“You were in love once?” Jared sat up straighter, drained the rest of his beer, and finally let go of the bottle, but his fingers still gripped Jensen’s hand tightly, and Jensen revelled in the touch.
“I guess you could call it love; I don’t think I’ll ever know if it was returned though,” Jensen frowned and prodded his food with his fork. “I think maybe I wanted it to be love, so I tried harder to make it that. Does that make sense?”
“More than you know,” Jared nodded wistfully, and then he stared into Jensen’s eyes seriously. “But I can tell you for sure, that just trying to make it real doesn’t make it happen. Staying just makes it worse and more painful, and the longer it goes on the harder it is to leave.”
Jensen studied Jared, who smiled sadly at him before turning his attention to his dinner. This wasn’t what Jensen had in mind when he’d asked Jared on a date; he hadn’t intended it to be a painful trip down memory lane, so he decided now was the best time to change the subject.
“So, how’s the juggling going?” Jensen asked.
Jared looked up at him and grinned, obviously very grateful for the change in conversation.
“I’ve broken one lamp, knocked over two drinks, and almost cooked one when it landed on the stove while I was cooking my dinner last night,” Jared reeled off his failures. He released Jensen’s hand so he could demonstrate wildly with his arms.
“Jesus Jared, you really are lethal aren’t you?” Jensen laughed, pleased when he saw that twinkle in Jared’s eyes return.
“But, I have managed to catch them, the accidents mostly happened when I tried to take it further,” Jared admitted only making Jensen laugh harder.
“Maybe we should make you practice in a wide open space; save the breakables,” Jensen suggested with a mischievous grin.
“Oh yeah, so all the passers by can laugh at me too,” Jared sulked, pouting his lips in a way that went straight to Jensen’s groin. Jensen swallowed, hard, and cleared his throat.
“So, you um, want desert?” he asked when he noticed their plates were empty.
“Of course, you can’t have a dinner without desert; it’s the best part of the meal,” Jared said incredulously.
Jensen’s heart leapt as he watched Jared bounce in his seat, grab the menu and start scanning the deserts, his mouth practically drooling at the options.
“Urgh, I can’t decide,” Jared moaned. “I really like the sound of the blueberry cheesecake, but the chocolate gateau is just a classic after dinner treat.”
“Tell you what, why don’t we get both, and we can share?” Jensen suggested, and Jared’s face lit up like a kid who was just told he could get both toys from the store.
“Deal,” Jared agreed, and they stared at each other happily for a moment before Jensen raised his hand and signalled the waitress over.
In no time, they had the two deserts between them, and Jared was digging in with enthusiasm. Jensen just watched as Jared shoved a forkful of the chocolate gateau into his mouth, groaning around the cutlery and pulling it out agonisingly slowly, sucking off every last remnant of chocolate. Jensen’s breath became short as Jared’s tongue came out to sweep across his lips, his eyes closed in ecstasy, and Jensen’s hand gripped his napkin hard enough to feel his nails digging into his skin through it.
Jared looked up and saw Jensen watching him. He blushed and gave an embarrassed smile.
“What?” he asked.
“You really love your deserts, don’t you?” Jensen choked out.
“Hell yeah; this is delicious,” Jared nodded enthusiastically. “Here, we’re supposed to be sharing. Try some.” Before he knew what was happening, Jared was leaning over the table and shoving a forkful of gateau into Jensen’s mouth. Jensen gaped around the mound of desert and struggled to get it all into his mouth and not on it; it didn’t help that he was trying not to laugh and spit it all out again.
Jared laughed out loud and continued to hold the fork in Jensen’s mouth until he had managed to close his mouth around it, and then he slowly pulled it out past his lips. Their eyes locked on each other, all laughter stopped, and the air became charged. Jared’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, his gaze flicking from Jensen’s mouth to his eyes.
“Um, I’m just gonna-use the restroom,” Jared said suddenly and dashed from the table. Jensen watched him go in confusion. Had Jensen spooked him? Jensen had thought they were getting along great. Jensen sighed, and ate some of the blueberry cheesecake, it was really good. Jared would love it.
Previous ¦ Next ¦ Master Post
He’d woken up a nine-unable to sleep any longer, his nerves forcing him awake-showered, dressed, and quickly tidied up as best he could. He wasn’t a messy person, and he didn’t own much so it wasn’t a difficult task, but he didn’t want Jensen thinking he was a slob, so everything had to be perfect.
They’d stayed at the bar for hours after everyone else had left. Jensen tried teaching him to roll a bottle down his arm and catch it in his hand, but Jared couldn’t quite get it to roll all the way down, it tended to fall off before it got to his elbow. Jared a broken two bottles - luckily they were using empty ones-and apologised so much Jensen had forbidden him to use the word ‘sorry’ anymore.
Jared had enjoyed himself so much, they’d laughed until tears fell from their eyes. Jared had gone through the bar’s CD collection, putting on different songs and spurring heated arguments about which bands were better live. It had been like they had been friends for years.
When they’d said goodnight, Jared had wanted Jensen to kiss him so badly, he hadn’t cared about just being friends or getting to know each other; he just wanted to feel Jensen close to him, to taste his lips, and melt into him. But Jensen had been a perfect gentleman and had sent him away with a light touch to the small of his back and a promise to see him tomorrow.
Jared looked at the clock on the microwave; it was five past ten. Jensen was late. Worry wormed its way into Jared’s head and whispered evil thoughts about Jensen changing his mind; that he wasn’t coming and didn’t really want to get to know Jared at all.
Finally, there was a knock on the door, and Jared practically ran to answer it. He forced himself to pause, brushed his hands down his front to smooth out his shirt, and flicked his hair back. Okay, here goes nothing, he thought as he pulled open the door.
“Hey,” he said shyly, watching Jensen fidget and look nervously up at him.
“Hey,” Jensen mimicked quietly. They stood and stared at each other for a moment; Jared couldn’t help dragging his eyes over Jensen, taking in his tight black tee and snug dark blue jeans that he just knew Jensen’s ass would look fantastic in if he turned round.
“Hey,” Jared murmured again, and blushed when he noticed Jensen looking him over too.
“You hungry?” Jensen asked suddenly, as though snapped out of a trance.
“Starving,” Jared said, and he knew it wasn’t food he was hungry for.
Jensen held up the bag in his hand and waved it in front of Jared’s face.
“Oh, right, sorry,” Jared stammered. “Come on in; I’ll get us some plates.”
Jared let Jensen past him and shut the door; he closed his eyes for a second and cursed himself for being so embarrassing.
Soon they were sitting at the counter; plates full of the waffles and pancakes Jensen had brought, just as he’d promised.
“God, these are delicious, where did you get them?” Jared moaned around a mouth full of pancake.
“There’s this place called Ali’s near mine, sells the best breakfasts in Seattle, and Ali’s a real nice girl,” Jensen explained, chuckling at Jared’s enthusiastic eating habits.
“You go there a lot?” Jared asked, this time remembering to swallow his food before speaking.
“Almost everyday,” Jensen nodded and picked up his coffee, groaning with pleasure as it went down. Jared watched in fascination, his stomach clenching at the sounds Jensen made and the look of ecstasy on his face. “They make the best coffee too.”
“I’ll have to check it out some time,” Jared cleared his throat and forced himself to look away, feeling his pants getting tighter so that he had to shift on his stool to get more comfortable. He was really glad Jensen was sitting the other side of the counter and couldn’t see his embarrassment.
“You should,” Jensen nodded in agreement. “You know, you could always go there with me, sometime, we could, you know, have dinner, or something.”
Jared’s heart sped up, his skin flushed with heat. Did Jensen just ask me out on a date?
“Um, yeah,” he squeaked. “I’d really like that, Jensen.” He was rewarded with a blinding smile, and stared as the corners of Jensen’s eyes creased; he wished he could make them do that all the time.
“Great, how about tomorrow?” Jensen suggested. “That or Wednesday ‘cause I’m stuck working the rest of the week.”
“Oh, I’m working Wednesday night, but tomorrow’s good, I can totally do tomorrow,” Jared insisted, nodding eagerly. He wanted to see as much of Jensen as he could, now he’d gotten over his initial fear he was desperate to spend time with the other man.
“Excellent, it’s a date.” Jensen paused, he looked sharply at Jared, as if he’d just realised what he’d said. “I mean - do you - only if you want it to be - a date?”
“Oh, um-” Jared’s throat closed up on him, he coughed to try and clear it. “Um, okay. Yeah, okay, we could do that.”
He smiled shyly at Jensen who beamed at him, looking for all he was worth like he’d just won the lottery.
“Okay, good,” Jensen smiled wider. “That’s good.” That deafening silence descended on them and Jared squirmed on his stool. “Oh, hey. I got those beanbags for you,” Jensen said suddenly. He leaned down - Jared’s eyes following the line of his back at he stretched - and pulled up the other bag he’d brought with him. Jared cleared away their empty plates before moving to Jensen’s side to see what the bag contained.
Jensen pulled out four beanbags, Jared thought he could probably fit all four into one hand but he didn’t test the theory. Then Jensen took out some plastic bottles, like the ones they used in class.
“I got these too, so you can practice at home and move onto these when you feel ready,” Jensen told him. “But I suggest you start with the bags first.”
Jared picked up the bags and tested their weight. “Okay, so, um, how does this work?”
“Just start with one to begin with,” Jensen said, taking one of the bags from Jared, their hands brushing so lightly it tickled Jared’s skin and he almost pulled his hand away.
“How can I juggle with just one?” he asked.
“Look,” Jensen instructed and started throwing the bag from one hand to the other, but his eyes never once landed on his hands, they stayed glued to the air and tracked the bag as it went up. “You gotta keep you eyes up, see where the beanbag is and catch it without looking.”
“Okay,” Jared said, doubting he’d be able to catch it if he wasn’t looking. But he tried and found it easy to judge where the bag was going to fall and had his hand there ready to catch it.
“Good,” Jensen said. “Now, this time I want you to use two. Throw them one after the other, like this, crossing them in the air and catching them.” Jensen demonstrated and after a couple of times Jared felt confident enough to give it a go. This was slightly more difficult but Jared pulled it of without too much trouble.
“This is easy so far,” Jared commented, happy that he hadn’t dropped anything yet.
“Now it gets harder,” Jensen promised. He took another one of the beanbags from Jared, held two in one hand and one in the other. “Hold them like this, then you throw one of the ones in this hand -” he held up the hand with two beanbags in it. “- then the one in the other hand and then the last one. Just try and do it once, don’t try and continue it yet. Just throw them each once and catch them, okay?”
Jared watched Jensen demonstrate for a moment, enjoying the way the muscles in his arms flexed as he moved them, then he stopped him, took the beanbags off him and held them in his hands as instructed.
“Okay, here goes nothing,” he murmured and took a deep breath to steady himself.
The first two bags flew into the air and were making a good course back to his waiting hands, but when he threw the third one, it went wild and ended up out of his reach. Jared leaned to try and catch it but he missed by miles and it landed with a soft thump on the floor.
“Told you it was harder,” Jensen chuckled as Jared picked the bag back up.
“Yeah, no shit,” Jared shot him an annoyed but playful look and tried again. The bags were better on track this time but the Jared was concentrating so hard to catching the third one he completely missed the second. “There’s just too much to keep track of at the same time,” Jared complained.
“That’s why it takes practice,” Jensen explained, smirking slightly.
“Don’t laugh at me,” Jared pouted. “I’m a beginner.”
“I’m not laughing at you, I swear,” Jensen chuckled and Jared threw a beanbag at him - which of course Jensen caught easily and threw it back, hitting Jared on his head.
“Hey,” Jared protested and threw the remaining two bags in quick succession. Jensen just batted them out the way and they both laughed hard.
“Come on, you’re supposed to be practicing,” Jensen picked up the bags and tossed them gently to Jared.
“Yeah okay, stop distracting me,” Jared moaned but shot Jensen a cheeky grin.
“My arms are killing me,” Jared complained after about two hours. “And I’m starving.”
“What? After that great big breakfast?” Jensen gaped at him. “Surely you can’t be hungry already?”
“What? I’m a big boy,” Jared said in his defence and didn’t fail to notice the darkening of Jensen’s eyes. “I mean, I’m tall and everything, in height. I’m not exactly short-” he gave up digging himself a deeper hole and blushed furiously. Jensen laughed heartily at his fluster but chose not to comment on it, something for which Jared was eternally grateful.
“So, you wanna go get some lunch?” Jensen suggested hopefully.
“Absolutely.” Jared praised the gods for the change of subject and grabbed his jacket, checking that his wallet and keys were in the pockets before heading for the door. Jensen followed him with a smirk still attached to his lips. “My treat, seeing as you got breakfast,” Jared insisted.
“That’s okay, you don’t have to buy me lunch,” Jensen argued, but Jared just shot him a “shut up” look, and Jensen backed down. “Okay, thanks.”
“Anywhere you wanna go?” Jared asked once they were outside.
“You’re paying; you choose,” Jensen said, letting Jared lead the way.
“I know just the place,” Jared said without offering anymore information. He bounced excitedly and took off at a quick pace; Jensen had to hurry to keep up with his long legs.
They chatted comfortably as they walked, bumping shoulders occasionally. When their hands brushed, Jared’s skin prickled as he fought the shiver threatening to wrack his body.
“So, Sandy and Chris seem to be getting along well,” Jared said, casting a glance over to Jensen to gauge his reaction. Jensen grinned.
“Yeah, I’m glad. They make a cute couple. Chris is a good guy, you don’t have to worry about him hurting her,” Jensen told Jared, as if he’d read Jared’s mind.
Jared knew Chris was a decent person, and he knew he shouldn’t be worried but there was that nagging urge just to make sure. “I know,” Jared said. “It’s just-Sandy doesn’t date often.”
“How come?” Jensen asked innocently.
“Oh, um-” Jared bit his lip; he’d said too much.
“Oh hey, don’t worry, man. It’s none of my business,” Jensen quickly rescued him, and Jared was grateful.
“I know I shouldn’t worry about her as much as I do; Sandy’s ten times tougher than I’ll ever be,” Jared tried to carry on as though he hadn’t slipped up. He didn’t want to tell Jensen that Sandy didn’t date because guys didn’t like how close she was to him. How Sandy would drop everything she was doing to go to him if he called her, freaking out. They hated that sometimes Jared would turn up at Sandy’s door in the early hours of the morning, and Sandy would lie on the sofa with him while he cried himself to sleep. But Sandy never complained, not once; she’d dumped many a guy because they’d called Jared a freak in front of her, and that was something she wouldn’t stand for.
Jared loved Sandy; he always would, but he often wished he didn’t have to rely on her so heavily. He constantly felt guilty that her life revolved around him. She’d moved away from her home and her family to come and live with Jared in Seattle, and to do so she’d told her parents she wanted to go to the college there. So, they’d let her apply to Seattle U and the UW and were really excited when she was accepted to her first choice of UW. She never once told anyone where Jared was or that she even knew he was okay. Jared had asked her to keep it a secret, and that’s exactly what she’d done. Sandy kept many secrets for him, and he’d be eternally grateful.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Jensen said slyly, bringing Jared out of his musings. “I seem to remember a certain someone knocking a sleaze flat on his ass because he messed with Sandy. That makes you pretty tough in my book.”
Jared flushed and ducked his head. “You wanna know something?” he asked sheepishly; Jensen nodded and fixed his gaze on Jared. “That was the first time I’d ever hit anyone in my life.”
Jensen gawked at him in disbelief. “What, ever?” Jared nodded in the affirmative, and Jensen shook his head in wonder. “Wow, that’s-wow. So, what are you, some sort of pacifist?”
Jared laughed. “No, I’ve got nothing against someone getting a smack if they deserve it; it’s just never been something I’ve been able to do before.” Jared suddenly decided that this wasn’t a conversation he wanted to be having either. Being friends with Jensen was going to be harder than he’d thought, there were so many things he couldn’t tell him and wouldn’t want to even if he could voice them; Jensen would probably run screaming if he knew.
“Wow, you must’ve lived a pretty perfect life, never having to fight anyone,” Jensen said as though he were impressed and a little envious.
If only you knew! Jared thought miserably.
Jared looked away, a dark cloud spreading over his previous good mood. Luckily he was saved by the sight of the café. Jared pointed to their destination. “We’re here,” he told Jensen who had been frowning at him, studying him as if he knew Jared was hiding something.
Hastily Jared opened the door for Jensen, and waited till he’d stepped inside to follow.
“Well, lookie what we have here,” said a voice. Jared was surprised to see Chris standing up from a booth and enveloping Jensen in a friendly hug; a jolt of jealousy shot through Jared, but he shook it away and beamed when he saw Sandy coming towards him.
“Hey girl, I didn’t know you were gonna be here,” he said, greeting her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and wondered briefly if Jensen would be jealous too.
“I don’t run my schedule past you, you know,” Sandy teased and kept a hand on his arm. She waved to Jensen before shooting Jared a knowing look, causing Jared to go a deep shade of red.
“You can talk,” he hissed in her ear and looked towards Chris, who was talking with Jensen. This time, it was Sandy’s turn to blush and Jared stared at her open mouthed. “You didn’t.” He could tell just by her expression that she’d slept with Chris, that they hadn’t been apart since they’d left the bar the night before.
Sandy beamed at him, bouncing on her heels, her eyes glowing with excitement. Jared couldn’t help it, he wrapped his arms around her again and squeezed her tight, so happy that Sandy had trusted Chris enough to be with him like that. Sandy hugged him back just as hard.
“Do I need to have ‘the talk’ with him?” Jared teased, and Sandy smacked him hard.
“Don’t you dare,” she hissed at him. “I really like this guy; don’t go scaring him off, okay?”
Jared looked down, all jesting suddenly forgotten and his previous thoughts flooding back into his head.
Sandy noticed immediately, and her face fell. “Oh, honey. I didn’t mean it like that; you know I didn’t,” she said desperately.
“I know, it’s okay, Sand, don’t worry. I’ll try not to spoil it for you; I promise,” Jared told her and swore to himself that it was true. He really liked Chris, and he was happy for them.
“Hey,” Sandy nudged him, looking at him with a worried expression. “We okay?”
“Always,” Jared reassured her quickly, and he meant it; he’d never hold anything against Sandy. He gave her one last quick squeeze before releasing her and heading to the booth Jensen and Chris were sitting in.
“Hey,” Jensen smiled when Jared slid in next to him. “So, what’s good here?”
“Everything,” Sandy supplied, sitting next to Chris and moving to sit very close to him. Jared could see Chris’s hand move to her knee under the table and he fought the smile that itched to stretch his lips.
“What’ll ya have?” the waitress appeared by their table, note pad in hand and pen poised at the ready.
Jared exchanged a glance with Sandy who just grinned, eye flashing. “We’ll have two chicken burgers with everything but tomatoes, extra mayo and double fries, please,” he told the waitress, who jotted it down and nodded. Then she looked expectantly at Chris and Jensen who were staring at Jared and Sandy in confusion.
“Um, I’ll have the cheese burger and small fries, please,” Jensen placed his order.
“Sounds good, I’ll have the same, but with large fries and a side salad,” Chris said, snapping the menu closed.
“You guys want coffee while you wait?” the waitress asked.
“We will,” Sandy said, indicating her and Jared.
“Yes please,” Chris and Jensen said at the same time. The waitress finished noting everything down and left the table.
“You guys eat here often?” Jensen asked, staring at Jared and Sandy, an amused expression on his face.
“All the time, why?” Jared asked.
Jensen and Chris laughed at the confused looks he and Sandy were giving them.
“Do you always order for each other?” Chris questioned with a chuckle.
“Oh.” Jared bit his lip and laughed.
“Yeah, we kinda do that a lot,” Sandy said meekly.
“People say we share a brain,” Jared explained.
“So long as that’s all you share,” Chris said and draped an arm over Sandy’s shoulders; she snuggled closer to him, a happy smile on her face.
“I think you’re safe,” Jared laughed. “As much as I love her, she’s not quite what I go for.”
“I can see that,” Chris smirked and flicked his eyes to Jensen, who blushed beautifully at the unsaid accusation.
Jared smiled shyly at Jensen, his own cheeks burning. Then Jensen made an unexpected move and placed his hand hesitantly over Jared’s on the table. Jared was so shocked he just stared at their hands; he didn’t know what to do. Looking up he met Sandy’s eyes a silently begged her for advice. Sandy smiled at him and tilted her head in a slight nod. She was telling him to go for it; that it would be okay.
Slowly and cautiously Jared turned his hand until his and Jensen’s palms were touching and Jensen linked their fingers, giving Jared’s hand a little squeeze. Jared’s heart was beating way too fast, he knew it was irrational to be overwhelmed just by holding hands, but that’s how he felt; he’d never just held hands with a guy before. Hell, he’d never even dated another guy before, not since… This whole thing was so knew to him, and he was terrified.
Everyone made small talk around him, but all Jared could focus on was the warm heat of Jensen’s hand and the slow movement of his thumb tracing circles into Jared’s skin. When their food was placed in front of them, Jensen still didn’t release his hand; instead he used his other hand to pick at his fries. Jared did the same, his appetite no longer as strong as it had been just half an hour previous. How could he focus on food when Jensen was holding his hand?
“I think we’re gonna need a crowbar, Sandy,” Chris joked, looking pointedly at Jensen and Jared’s combined fingers. “At least so they don’t starve to death.”
Sandy smacked him in the chest. “Leave them alone; it’s sweet,” she scolded.
Jensen gave Jared’s hand a squeeze before untwining their fingers and releasing his grip. Jared immediately felt the loss of Jensen’s warmth and just wanted to grab his hand back and never let go; instead he smiled shyly and occupied his hand by picking up his chicken burger.
While they ate their food, Chris talked about the band, telling them about the other venues they played, and Sandy listened with wrapped attention.
“I swear, Jen here only keeps himself so busy behind the bar so he doesn’t have to sing with us,” Chris said slyly, a second later he flinched and there was a thud, Jared laughed when he realised Jensen had just kicked Chris under the table.
“You sing?” Jared asked innocently.
“No,” Jensen said firmly.
“Oh, don’t let him sugar coat it; Jen’s a great singer, he just suffers from stage fright,” Chris informed them, ignoring the deadly glares he was getting from Jensen.
“Oh, I know how you feel,” Sandy commented sympathetically. “I tried to do a show once in high school, do you remember, Jay? I had Jared rehearsing the lines with me for weeks before the auditions, and when it got to my turn, I stood up on that stage and couldn’t say a word; I was completely frozen solid. Thus ending my great acting career.”
“So, how come you didn’t audition too?” Jensen asked Jared curiously. “I get the impression you two did everything together.”
Sandy’s eyes widened, and Jared gulped hard on the bite of food he was chewing. Jared forced a laugh, stretching his smile wide enough to hurt.
“Oh no, really not my thing,” Jared said, trying to keep his voice steady.
“How come?” Chris probed, and Jared winced.
“I wasn’t exactly what you’d call ‘outgoing’ in school,” Jared tried to explain, without mentioning that he was the school’s punching bag, and that the last thing he wanted was to put himself on show for more ridicule than he already got. “I tended to stick to my studies.”
“Yeah, what did you study on college?” Jensen asked, honestly interested in Jared’s life.
Jared looked at Sandy and the sympathetic apology he saw in her eyes broke his heart; she was blaming herself for bringing up the topic of school, and now Jared had to answer all the difficult questions he liked to avoid. But Jared knew that by getting involved with Jensen he was going to have to go through all this at some point; better now than later.
“I never went to college,” Jared said quietly.
“Why not, if you studied so hard in school?” Chris seemed oblivious to Jared’s discomfort, but Jensen must have noticed because he took Jared’s hand where he was clenching it in his lap. Jared thought he should lie; he should say he took a year off and just never went back, or that he wanted to travel and ended up here working for Tom, but when he looked into Jensen’s eyes he found himself unable to lie to him.
“Because I never finished high school,” he said weakly, his voice cracking slightly. He looked away, unable to bear the sympathetic curiosity on Jensen’s face.
Jared waited, drowning in the stunned silence he’d caused. He knew the inevitable question would come any second, and they would ask him why he didn’t finish high school, what went wrong, why was he such a screw up?
“Oh crap, I’ve got to go,” Jensen said suddenly, looking at his watch. “I’ve got tons of things to do before I have to open up tonight.”
“Oh, okay,” Jared said. He wondered if Jensen was just making an excuse, if really he just wanted to get away from Jared. Jared slid out of the booth so Jensen could get out.
“Walk me out?” Jensen asked Jared, holding his hand out, a hopeful expression on his face.
“Sure,” Jared smiled and took his hand. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he told Sandy and Chris.
Once they were outside the door Jensen turned to Jared, looking meekly at him.
“I’m sorry about that, sometimes Chris doesn’t know when to stop,” Jensen apologised.
“Oh hey, don’t worry about it,” Jared waved away his apology, but on the inside he was overjoyed. “It’s just not something I like to talk about much.”
“I get that, and it’s okay,” Jensen told him seriously. “But if you ever did want to tell me, I’d listen.”
Jared smiled. How did Jensen get to be so wonderful? “Thanks,” he murmured.
“So, we still on for tomorrow?” Jensen asked, his face lighting up at the mention of their date.
“Definitely,” Jared confirmed, pleased that Jensen still wanted to go with him.
“Cool, I’ll pick you up around seven?” Jensen queried.
“Seven sounds perfect,” Jared grinned.
Jensen still hadn’t let go of his hand, and Jared held on to it like a lifeline, afraid that if he let go Jensen would run as far away from him as possible, and Jared honestly didn’t think he could handle that rejection.
Jensen stepped closer, tugging gently on Jared’s hand, urging him to do the same. They were standing so close their chests were almost touching; Jared could feel Jensen’s breath on his face sending tingling sensations through his body.
“So, tomorrow then,” Jensen almost whispered.
“Yeah, seven o’clock,” Jared nodded and leaned toward Jensen a little.
“I’m looking forward to it,” Jensen licked his lips, and Jared followed the move with wide eyes.
“Me too,” Jared left his lips parted and felt Jensen’s hand fall onto his hip, softly caressing the skin there.
A group of teenagers pushed past them, trying to get into the café, and they were forced apart.
They chuckled a little when they came back together, but this time they didn’t touch, the moment was broken.
“Tomorrow,” Jensen said firmly.
“Tomorrow,” Jared agreed.
Then Jensen was gone; Jared watched his back until he disappeared round the corner, but Jensen did turn back, taking one last look at Jared before waving goodbye and leaving.
Jared bounded back into the café, remembering that he still had to pay the bill and that Sandy and Chris were waiting for him. He was grinning so hard when he returned to the booth that Sandy’s worried expression melted away immediately. All thoughts of school, college, and failures forgotten.
Chris and Sandy appeared to be very cosy together, so Jared quickly excused himself, paid the bill for his and Jensen’s food, and left them to it, kissing Sandy on the cheek and whispering in her ear for her to behave herself.
Sandy smacked him, but grinned and he left. Jared smiled too, really glad to see Sandy so happy.
***
Jensen paced outside Jared’s door. He’d been there ten minutes already, but still hadn’t summoned up the nerve to knock. He looked down at himself once again, smoothing out invisible creases from his blue and white checked shirt. He should have worn the green one; everyone always told him he looked good in green. Should he have worn slacks instead of jeans? No, they weren’t going to a dressy place, but it was a date so dressy casual was good. He looked good; he was sure he did.
Taking a deep breath, he raised his fist and finally knocked on the door. He fidgeted from one foot to the other while he waited for Jared to answer. He couldn’t wait to see the Jared; he’d been excited about their date all day, and Steve had taken great pleasure in teasing him for it. Chris was still no where to be seen; Jensen assumed he was still with Sandy.
From the other side of the door Jensen heard a thud, a crash, and some muffled curses. He smiled. Looks like I’m not the only one who’s nervous.
Finally, the door opened, and Jensen caught his breath when he saw Jared. He wore faded blue jeans and a black, long-sleeved tee that hugged his body. Jensen found his eyes tracing the defined muscles that showed through the material and longed to reach out and touch them.
“Wow, you look amazing,” Jensen choked on his own words and smiled endearingly when Jared blushed.
“You look pretty amazing yourself,” Jared said shyly, his eyes skimming up and down Jensen’s body.
“Thanks,” Jensen smiled. They stood in an awkward silence for a moment. “You ready to go?” Jensen asked quickly.
“Um, yeah, lead the way.”
The diner wasn’t far and within half an hour they were seated with their orders in front of them.
“Wow, this looks great,” Jared commented as he practically salivated over his steak. Jensen just chuckled and chose not to say “I told you so.”
“So, I haven’t seen Chris for a while, is he still hanging out with Sandy?” Jensen chose to ask instead, starting them off on familiar and friendly ground.
“You know, I haven’t seen Sandy either, so I’d say it’s a fair bet that they’re still holed up somewhere,” Jared said waggling his eyebrows and sticking his tongue between his teeth.
Jensen watched Jared’s pink tongue get squashed between his white teeth and licked his lips absently.
Clearing his throat, he stared at his food. “I sense love in the air,” he smiled, knowing that Jared was just as happy for Chris and Sandy as he was.
“It’s about time; Sandy could use some loving in her life,” Jared said after swallowing a mouthful of steak. “If there’s anyone that deserves it, it’s her!”
“What about you?” Jensen probed, staring at Jared, so he didn’t miss his reaction.
“What about me what?” Jared asked, confused.
“You ever been in love?”
“Oh,” Jared paused, frowning into his beer before taking a loud, deep gulp. “I thought I was-once-a long time ago.” His eyes rose to meet Jensen’s, and Jensen gasped at the overwhelming sadness he saw buried in there, along with a fair mixture of pain, and was that-fear?
“Got burned huh?” Jensen said knowingly; he knew just how that felt.
“You could say that,” Jared said quietly. Jared’s knuckles whitened around his beer bottle, and Jensen winced, hoping he wouldn’t break it.
“What happened?” he asked cautiously, but curious to find out who it was that had hurt Jared so badly.
“He just-” Jared stared at the table, his eyes haunted as though he was staring into the past. “He wasn’t the person I thought he was,” Jared finished, his voice quivering so badly Jensen reached out and took the hand that didn’t have a death grip on the beer bottle.
“I know how that goes,” he said sympathetically. Jared glanced up, his eyes swimming with tears and Jensen really wanted to ask more, but Jared jumped on the change of focus.
“You were in love once?” Jared sat up straighter, drained the rest of his beer, and finally let go of the bottle, but his fingers still gripped Jensen’s hand tightly, and Jensen revelled in the touch.
“I guess you could call it love; I don’t think I’ll ever know if it was returned though,” Jensen frowned and prodded his food with his fork. “I think maybe I wanted it to be love, so I tried harder to make it that. Does that make sense?”
“More than you know,” Jared nodded wistfully, and then he stared into Jensen’s eyes seriously. “But I can tell you for sure, that just trying to make it real doesn’t make it happen. Staying just makes it worse and more painful, and the longer it goes on the harder it is to leave.”
Jensen studied Jared, who smiled sadly at him before turning his attention to his dinner. This wasn’t what Jensen had in mind when he’d asked Jared on a date; he hadn’t intended it to be a painful trip down memory lane, so he decided now was the best time to change the subject.
“So, how’s the juggling going?” Jensen asked.
Jared looked up at him and grinned, obviously very grateful for the change in conversation.
“I’ve broken one lamp, knocked over two drinks, and almost cooked one when it landed on the stove while I was cooking my dinner last night,” Jared reeled off his failures. He released Jensen’s hand so he could demonstrate wildly with his arms.
“Jesus Jared, you really are lethal aren’t you?” Jensen laughed, pleased when he saw that twinkle in Jared’s eyes return.
“But, I have managed to catch them, the accidents mostly happened when I tried to take it further,” Jared admitted only making Jensen laugh harder.
“Maybe we should make you practice in a wide open space; save the breakables,” Jensen suggested with a mischievous grin.
“Oh yeah, so all the passers by can laugh at me too,” Jared sulked, pouting his lips in a way that went straight to Jensen’s groin. Jensen swallowed, hard, and cleared his throat.
“So, you um, want desert?” he asked when he noticed their plates were empty.
“Of course, you can’t have a dinner without desert; it’s the best part of the meal,” Jared said incredulously.
Jensen’s heart leapt as he watched Jared bounce in his seat, grab the menu and start scanning the deserts, his mouth practically drooling at the options.
“Urgh, I can’t decide,” Jared moaned. “I really like the sound of the blueberry cheesecake, but the chocolate gateau is just a classic after dinner treat.”
“Tell you what, why don’t we get both, and we can share?” Jensen suggested, and Jared’s face lit up like a kid who was just told he could get both toys from the store.
“Deal,” Jared agreed, and they stared at each other happily for a moment before Jensen raised his hand and signalled the waitress over.
In no time, they had the two deserts between them, and Jared was digging in with enthusiasm. Jensen just watched as Jared shoved a forkful of the chocolate gateau into his mouth, groaning around the cutlery and pulling it out agonisingly slowly, sucking off every last remnant of chocolate. Jensen’s breath became short as Jared’s tongue came out to sweep across his lips, his eyes closed in ecstasy, and Jensen’s hand gripped his napkin hard enough to feel his nails digging into his skin through it.
Jared looked up and saw Jensen watching him. He blushed and gave an embarrassed smile.
“What?” he asked.
“You really love your deserts, don’t you?” Jensen choked out.
“Hell yeah; this is delicious,” Jared nodded enthusiastically. “Here, we’re supposed to be sharing. Try some.” Before he knew what was happening, Jared was leaning over the table and shoving a forkful of gateau into Jensen’s mouth. Jensen gaped around the mound of desert and struggled to get it all into his mouth and not on it; it didn’t help that he was trying not to laugh and spit it all out again.
Jared laughed out loud and continued to hold the fork in Jensen’s mouth until he had managed to close his mouth around it, and then he slowly pulled it out past his lips. Their eyes locked on each other, all laughter stopped, and the air became charged. Jared’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, his gaze flicking from Jensen’s mouth to his eyes.
“Um, I’m just gonna-use the restroom,” Jared said suddenly and dashed from the table. Jensen watched him go in confusion. Had Jensen spooked him? Jensen had thought they were getting along great. Jensen sighed, and ate some of the blueberry cheesecake, it was really good. Jared would love it.
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