Floating down a rabit hole with a duct tape parachute
Girl says to me: "So... am I yours?"
I says to her: "Well... I'd hope so."
I got a raise. 11more cents/hour. Eeeee!!!! :D
I've discovered that any sort of endearment from anyone makes me feel like they are full of shit... best example I have is when my mother tells me she Loves me. So far there is only one person that I come close to believing. Last person I believed betrayed me. I'm fully expecting this one to do the same, which implies that I don't truly believe this new girl. I'm not going to deny that. This isn't easy. There is no solution for a problem like this. It jsut takes me diving in. I don't know if I can do that anymore.
This last breakdown was worse than anything I've ever been through. I've suffered massive chunks of memory loss. I've experienced unexpected outbursts ranging from uncontrollable self destructive behaviors to more tears than any man should ever admit. All this resulted in loosing the best friend I've ever had which only mad things worse. I punched my younger brother in the eye. I've developed a constant underlining fear of myself.
In good news I've become such an asset to my job for sales that my bosses used me as their Ace card when their boss was doing a walk of our store. In the past year I've won every sales contest we've had at work. I won $50 worth of anything in the store and a $200 Calphalon toaster oven. Also, after my annual review I got a raise.
Mellissa is awesome. I've made sure she is completely aware of all my current "issues". She seems to be in it to win. She says she understands and she's not going anywhere. She even broke up with her boyfriend not "for me" but "because of me". Of course I'm scared. I don't want to hurt her and I don't want to be hurt either. I jsut need to remember to breath, enjoy the moment, and remember that I can handle any future.
I says to her: "Well... I'd hope so."
I got a raise. 11more cents/hour. Eeeee!!!! :D
I've discovered that any sort of endearment from anyone makes me feel like they are full of shit... best example I have is when my mother tells me she Loves me. So far there is only one person that I come close to believing. Last person I believed betrayed me. I'm fully expecting this one to do the same, which implies that I don't truly believe this new girl. I'm not going to deny that. This isn't easy. There is no solution for a problem like this. It jsut takes me diving in. I don't know if I can do that anymore.
This last breakdown was worse than anything I've ever been through. I've suffered massive chunks of memory loss. I've experienced unexpected outbursts ranging from uncontrollable self destructive behaviors to more tears than any man should ever admit. All this resulted in loosing the best friend I've ever had which only mad things worse. I punched my younger brother in the eye. I've developed a constant underlining fear of myself.
In good news I've become such an asset to my job for sales that my bosses used me as their Ace card when their boss was doing a walk of our store. In the past year I've won every sales contest we've had at work. I won $50 worth of anything in the store and a $200 Calphalon toaster oven. Also, after my annual review I got a raise.
Mellissa is awesome. I've made sure she is completely aware of all my current "issues". She seems to be in it to win. She says she understands and she's not going anywhere. She even broke up with her boyfriend not "for me" but "because of me". Of course I'm scared. I don't want to hurt her and I don't want to be hurt either. I jsut need to remember to breath, enjoy the moment, and remember that I can handle any future.