The Sweet Breakdown Ch7
Title: The Sweet Breakdown
Author: lycan_cub
Pairing: Hawkeye/BJ
Rating: R
Summary: BJ is broken and Hawkeye has to pick up the pieces.
After breakfast BJ sat in the Swamp alone. Hawkeye took his place in Post-Op. He let his thoughts drift to Peg. He became angrier when he thought about Erin calling another man dad. He felt broken and the pieces of him were scattered far apart from each other. He didn’t want to try to pick them up.
He saw the razor in the kit and he took it out. He looked at it not sure what exactly he wanted to do with it. He touched the cold metal thinking how simple he could make everything.
Peg didn’t want him around. Nobody wanted him around. Nobody knew what to say around him. All he kept getting were sympathetic looks everywhere. He hated feeling this way more than anything.
‘She broke you.’ BJ shook his head as tears started to stream down his face. He didn’t hear the door opened and Hawkeye walk in. He only knew he wasn’t alone when Hawkeye grabbed the hand he was holding the razor in.
“What the hell are you doing BJ?” BJ looked at Hawkeye and then looked down at his arm. He didn’t realize he started to cut into his arm.
“Is this what you want to do Beej?” Hawkeye asked, his voice coming out as a whisper. BJ looked at Hawkeye who was angry.
“I didn’t…,” BJ tired to talk but he didn’t know what to say.
“Do you really think this is worth trying to kill yourself over?”
“It’s my fault. Everything is my fault. If I wasn’t over here none of this would have happened.” BJ said through his tears.
Hawkeye took the razor. He walked over to his cot and grabbed his medical bag. He walked back over to BJ and started to treat the cut. BJ looked away from Hawkeye.
When Hawkeye finished wrapping the bandage around his arm, he gently took BJ face in his hands and turned his head to face him.
“You ever do that again I might kill you myself. And if you ever blame yourself for this mess she created, I will knock some sense into you.”
BJ wanted to look away. He didn’t like looking at Hawkeye when he was mad. BJ nodded his head and started to cry again.
“I’m sorry Hawk. I really didn’t mean to.”
Hawkeye’s face softened some and he sat next to BJ and pulled him into a hug. Hawkeye knew he had his work cut out for him. He was glad he came back to the Swamp when he did. All BJ needed right now was to be sent away for trying to commit suicide.
BJ’s grip on him loosened and BJ pulled away from him. Hawkeye looked at BJ. He was surprised when BJ kissed him, pushing him back onto the cot. Hawkeye didn’t kiss back because he was too shocked to. BJ pulled back. He looked vulnerable and apologetic.
“God I’m so sorry Hawk,” BJ said as he scrambled off of him and ran out of the Swamp. Hawkeye laid there and then he sighed.
“Stupid,” he said out loud. He couldn’t believe he just did that. Now BJ probably thinks I rejected him, Hawkeye thought as he quickly got off of the cot.
He ran out of the Swamp and looked around. He ran around camp asking if anyone had seen BJ. He looked everywhere but he couldn’t find him. Hawkeye sighed. Hawkeye shook his head. He walked back to the Swamp feeling like a complete jerk.
BJ sat on Father Mulcahy’s cot hoping Hawkeye wouldn’t come looking for him.