The things that interrupt your dreams and what you do with interference
The sleeping thing shouldn't be a challenge. I'm exhausted.
the problem is, I get into bed and can't stop thinking about all the things that I'm not doing. I need to be in a lab, working. and memorizing amino acids. and researching. and writing the intro to my semester-long paper. and and and...
and what sucks is that this started when I dropped Prokaryotic, which I knew I shouldn't have done, and I let my adviser tell me to... after arguing with her about it for a week. and then I got to a day where I didn't care, so I just dropped it. and now I'm feeling half-assed and like I've got too much time and not enough push and there's no scramble and I'm going nuts. my drive is going to drive me right off a cliff. Brenda may understand schedules really well, and she had a really good point, that my schedule was way too heavy, particularly with the topamax side effects, and especially if my migraines get worse as soon as I switch drugs, but I really should have just listened to myself... that was idiotic, and I've done this before and decided not ever to do it again (though usually with regards to my mother... and I think that particular resolution I have kept) but *ughhhhhhhh* I just want that class back. I knew it was keeping me sane, I don't know why I let her convince me it was going to be the thing that made me miserable. guh. figures I'd knock off the one thing holding it together. it's nice to be done when I walk out of cloning lab at 5, don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily want to go to another class right after. But I really really need to go to that class. I really really need to have not dropped that class.
uhhh that was dumb. why do I listen to people who are smarter and more grown up and don't know me better than I know myself?
So yeah. That's why I'm awake right now and not sleeping. Not because I'm being useful. Because I can't stand being useless, and I've exhausted all the useful. and I'm going insane. and I need to run, and running's adding up to running away because there's not enough challenge here, there's no more impossible.
the problem is, I get into bed and can't stop thinking about all the things that I'm not doing. I need to be in a lab, working. and memorizing amino acids. and researching. and writing the intro to my semester-long paper. and and and...
and what sucks is that this started when I dropped Prokaryotic, which I knew I shouldn't have done, and I let my adviser tell me to... after arguing with her about it for a week. and then I got to a day where I didn't care, so I just dropped it. and now I'm feeling half-assed and like I've got too much time and not enough push and there's no scramble and I'm going nuts. my drive is going to drive me right off a cliff. Brenda may understand schedules really well, and she had a really good point, that my schedule was way too heavy, particularly with the topamax side effects, and especially if my migraines get worse as soon as I switch drugs, but I really should have just listened to myself... that was idiotic, and I've done this before and decided not ever to do it again (though usually with regards to my mother... and I think that particular resolution I have kept) but *ughhhhhhhh* I just want that class back. I knew it was keeping me sane, I don't know why I let her convince me it was going to be the thing that made me miserable. guh. figures I'd knock off the one thing holding it together. it's nice to be done when I walk out of cloning lab at 5, don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily want to go to another class right after. But I really really need to go to that class. I really really need to have not dropped that class.
uhhh that was dumb. why do I listen to people who are smarter and more grown up and don't know me better than I know myself?
So yeah. That's why I'm awake right now and not sleeping. Not because I'm being useful. Because I can't stand being useless, and I've exhausted all the useful. and I'm going insane. and I need to run, and running's adding up to running away because there's not enough challenge here, there's no more impossible.