"Daniel"
Daniel- Hebrew, I think. It means "God is my judge."
Not "Mom is my judge."
Not "Dad is my judge."
Not "The president of Uzbekistan is my judge."
God.
They don't seem to realize it. Mom, Dad, not quite so much the president of Uzbekistan (i don't think they ahve a president...)
Here, I have an idea, let's pretend this is a letter.
Mom, Dad...
I know you want what's best for me. Hell, that's what parents are supposed to do. I'm lucky to have parents who at least keep that sense of duty about them. You're worried for me and you care for me, and you love me and I love you. I follow your rules because I respect you. Most of them, at least.
I get plenty in return. Food, money, a little small talk here and there. But I never get listened to. You think I'm a moron because I put my school's administration down. Do you own research then. Find out on your own. I don't know why you can't take my observations first hand. The computer has a trojan. It's not just "slow," just fix it or let me do it. I don't know why you can't trust me with that. Give me my mail. If I get upset because I missed something, it isn't my fault, it's yours. But I take some responsibility anyways.
I'm not a dumb kid.
I think things through.
And I've certainly thought
So much about you.
You raise me, you feed me, you know i'm bright. But as soon as I say "please listen," I'm never right. I rarely get my words across to you, and it hurts. I am the result of your efforts, but you don't even want to pay attention when I say "Hey, yeah, this isn't working. Maybe if we try this..."
And I understand. That's what's killing me. I can't do anything too forceful because I understand where you're coming from.
I wish you understood.
But I can't live in a world of "I wish." The truth is, you'll be slamming God in my face until I move out. You'll start slamming it in more frantically when my time to leave draws near, but I'm telling you- after 17 years of gradually increasing frigidity towards it, I'm not going to get any warmer.
It's good to have people help you grow with religion.
But a religion that encourages a personal relationship with God... and then tells you what you need to do to hae a good Christian walk... I just can't anymore.
If I'm pursuing God, I want to discover Him on my own terms. What are you so afraid of? Shouldn't it lead me to him anyways? If not, then at least I had a shot to actually make my relationship actually personal.
The blunt version:
Butt the fuck out.
I respect you, but it can only go so far.
I am so ready to be done with wasting time in church.
I am so ready to shed this reputation I somehow got as being "the religious kid."
I am so ready to finally be independent.
Some call it selfishness... vanity... those are some of the less aberasive words used to describe what I'm considering... I'm not creating my own religion, dumbasses. God. Jesus. Bible. Keeping those. BOOM! Christianity.
Don't single me out because I'm more vulnerable than the other people who want to continue with their sins because they're not that big of deals.
Jesus accepted sinners. You do understand that we saw them accept Jesus. We saw a few of them change. Others just said they would, and we didn't hear about them. Whatever happened to Zaccheus after Jesus got crucified? What about Mary Magdalene? What happened to her? What about those lepers Jesus healed? The woman who touched his cloak?
We DO need to change when you accept Christianity. We need to love God.
But to abandon your sense of self entirely... to remove your own thoughts and considerations and setting guidelines and refusing to understand circumstances because EVERYTHIGN is fucking BLACK AND WHITE... it's an injustice to God's creation of free will.
Don't go out sinning for the hell of it. I won't.
But God loves the smoker. Especially the one that has accepted him
God loves the glutton, the slut, the alchoholic, the French-- once you say "omg i love you too! God. Jesus. Bible"-- you're done! Be good. Think things through. There isn't anything that is written in the Bible that God didn't intend for people to be able to figure out on their own anyways.
I'm leaving comments enabled. HOWEVER:
I don't want to hear about how awful I am or how bad this looks or how wrong it is.
I don't want to hear about how awesome I am or how great this looks or how right I am.
If you think it's *THAT* urgent, you have my s/n. IM me your own little quirks.
If that leaves room for any comments- shoot. If not, that sheet is getting baleeted.
But otherwise, this was just a vent.
Good night, I've overstayed my awake-time.
Not "Mom is my judge."
Not "Dad is my judge."
Not "The president of Uzbekistan is my judge."
God.
They don't seem to realize it. Mom, Dad, not quite so much the president of Uzbekistan (i don't think they ahve a president...)
Here, I have an idea, let's pretend this is a letter.
Mom, Dad...
I know you want what's best for me. Hell, that's what parents are supposed to do. I'm lucky to have parents who at least keep that sense of duty about them. You're worried for me and you care for me, and you love me and I love you. I follow your rules because I respect you. Most of them, at least.
I get plenty in return. Food, money, a little small talk here and there. But I never get listened to. You think I'm a moron because I put my school's administration down. Do you own research then. Find out on your own. I don't know why you can't take my observations first hand. The computer has a trojan. It's not just "slow," just fix it or let me do it. I don't know why you can't trust me with that. Give me my mail. If I get upset because I missed something, it isn't my fault, it's yours. But I take some responsibility anyways.
I'm not a dumb kid.
I think things through.
And I've certainly thought
So much about you.
You raise me, you feed me, you know i'm bright. But as soon as I say "please listen," I'm never right. I rarely get my words across to you, and it hurts. I am the result of your efforts, but you don't even want to pay attention when I say "Hey, yeah, this isn't working. Maybe if we try this..."
And I understand. That's what's killing me. I can't do anything too forceful because I understand where you're coming from.
I wish you understood.
But I can't live in a world of "I wish." The truth is, you'll be slamming God in my face until I move out. You'll start slamming it in more frantically when my time to leave draws near, but I'm telling you- after 17 years of gradually increasing frigidity towards it, I'm not going to get any warmer.
It's good to have people help you grow with religion.
But a religion that encourages a personal relationship with God... and then tells you what you need to do to hae a good Christian walk... I just can't anymore.
If I'm pursuing God, I want to discover Him on my own terms. What are you so afraid of? Shouldn't it lead me to him anyways? If not, then at least I had a shot to actually make my relationship actually personal.
The blunt version:
Butt the fuck out.
I respect you, but it can only go so far.
I am so ready to be done with wasting time in church.
I am so ready to shed this reputation I somehow got as being "the religious kid."
I am so ready to finally be independent.
Some call it selfishness... vanity... those are some of the less aberasive words used to describe what I'm considering... I'm not creating my own religion, dumbasses. God. Jesus. Bible. Keeping those. BOOM! Christianity.
Don't single me out because I'm more vulnerable than the other people who want to continue with their sins because they're not that big of deals.
Jesus accepted sinners. You do understand that we saw them accept Jesus. We saw a few of them change. Others just said they would, and we didn't hear about them. Whatever happened to Zaccheus after Jesus got crucified? What about Mary Magdalene? What happened to her? What about those lepers Jesus healed? The woman who touched his cloak?
We DO need to change when you accept Christianity. We need to love God.
But to abandon your sense of self entirely... to remove your own thoughts and considerations and setting guidelines and refusing to understand circumstances because EVERYTHIGN is fucking BLACK AND WHITE... it's an injustice to God's creation of free will.
Don't go out sinning for the hell of it. I won't.
But God loves the smoker. Especially the one that has accepted him
God loves the glutton, the slut, the alchoholic, the French-- once you say "omg i love you too! God. Jesus. Bible"-- you're done! Be good. Think things through. There isn't anything that is written in the Bible that God didn't intend for people to be able to figure out on their own anyways.
I'm leaving comments enabled. HOWEVER:
I don't want to hear about how awful I am or how bad this looks or how wrong it is.
I don't want to hear about how awesome I am or how great this looks or how right I am.
If you think it's *THAT* urgent, you have my s/n. IM me your own little quirks.
If that leaves room for any comments- shoot. If not, that sheet is getting baleeted.
But otherwise, this was just a vent.
Good night, I've overstayed my awake-time.