Thinking a lot lately
I don't know whats been going on with me... I seem to be having this good balance of working hard and playing hard for the past couple weeks. I can't help but think of all the thoughts in my head... Melissa and Audrie were on my mind last night.. Audrie just seems like the biggest waste of time ever - and the more i talk to her and the more I dont talk her remind me of why i didn't want to date her the first place... too indecisive.. too unemotional.. she doesn't want what i want and that more out of life.. I dunno - she seems almost careless about how i feel and how i want to go about things more involved with people who "seem" no good for her but w/e.. not my choice..and she gets mad when I ask questions - she doesnt understand that I have no idea how she feels about me - so i feel like i have to ask to know.. i shouldnt have to... i should be able to call her and she says pete i miss you - or use little words to make me know she actually cares - baby, hunnie, i dont care anything.. she used to call me all the time... i stopped to see how much she would call and since i got back its been close to none.. and melissa... i guess im still kinda bent out of shape about it.. bleh i really don't have much to say.... and the odd thing is i've met so many people in these past few weeks - beautiful women my age - and I just don't flirt.. im almost unphased by them...Almost too picky... I guess melissa is exactly what i wanted and now i can't have it so im throwing my hissy fit.. and audrie is just... well...old flame that for w/e reason im trying to rekindle even though its a retarded and stupid idea on my behalf...
Things at home aren't too great --- me and my dad re getting that tension where i know he wants to fight me... but things have changed so much..its been years... he gets mad at these idiotic falicies he builds in his own mind of how his own family is out to get him... he's chosen to ignore me for whatever reason and in my rebuttle have chosen to push him til he cracks - which is a first for me... my mom is talking about throwing him out of the house... this sunday.. My father is such a complex person that I don't want to understand anymore - its been 22 hard years just to get him to treat more like a son and less like an enemy.. communication is open amongest us - except for him - he has this Im ALWAYS right and ur ALWAYS wrong - him and my mom are arguing over the fact she wouldnt let him eat her snacks.. --- he's decided to buy his own groceries and not let us have any.. how fuckin odd is that i feel like taking a baseball bat to his eggs and pouring his oj down the sink - i mean.. who fucking does that? are you kidding me?
stress like this makes me wants to save my money quicker to join the navy... save up enough to pay off the court fees and asap and just get the fuck out! im sick of it... the only good thing i have left is my friends...and not even my best friends at that...
Ive been mad at rita for leaving me once to edwins...
I shouldnt be cus she warned me to hurry up - but shes supposed to be my homie - i can just hurry and get ready.. she wouldnt be at half the parties with me if i never invited her... i dunno thats so gay to hold something like that against her.. shes a good person.
bobbys gone, kevins gone, russ, laurie, steph lives in alexandria, kellie in georgia, melissa at radford.. all these people i used to tell me life to are gone but jesse.. and even that is barely there... clouded by work schedule and gym...
this is my breaking point... i feel im going to snap at any minute.. the fact valentines day approaches for the 5 year without a valentine makes me sick - makes me think more on how i miss melissa not only as a friend but as a girl i could show love to or anyone for that matter... whack.
Im out.
Things at home aren't too great --- me and my dad re getting that tension where i know he wants to fight me... but things have changed so much..its been years... he gets mad at these idiotic falicies he builds in his own mind of how his own family is out to get him... he's chosen to ignore me for whatever reason and in my rebuttle have chosen to push him til he cracks - which is a first for me... my mom is talking about throwing him out of the house... this sunday.. My father is such a complex person that I don't want to understand anymore - its been 22 hard years just to get him to treat more like a son and less like an enemy.. communication is open amongest us - except for him - he has this Im ALWAYS right and ur ALWAYS wrong - him and my mom are arguing over the fact she wouldnt let him eat her snacks.. --- he's decided to buy his own groceries and not let us have any.. how fuckin odd is that i feel like taking a baseball bat to his eggs and pouring his oj down the sink - i mean.. who fucking does that? are you kidding me?
stress like this makes me wants to save my money quicker to join the navy... save up enough to pay off the court fees and asap and just get the fuck out! im sick of it... the only good thing i have left is my friends...and not even my best friends at that...
Ive been mad at rita for leaving me once to edwins...
I shouldnt be cus she warned me to hurry up - but shes supposed to be my homie - i can just hurry and get ready.. she wouldnt be at half the parties with me if i never invited her... i dunno thats so gay to hold something like that against her.. shes a good person.
bobbys gone, kevins gone, russ, laurie, steph lives in alexandria, kellie in georgia, melissa at radford.. all these people i used to tell me life to are gone but jesse.. and even that is barely there... clouded by work schedule and gym...
this is my breaking point... i feel im going to snap at any minute.. the fact valentines day approaches for the 5 year without a valentine makes me sick - makes me think more on how i miss melissa not only as a friend but as a girl i could show love to or anyone for that matter... whack.
Im out.