Why?
Why do I have to fall in love with somebody that is so far away from me?
Why do I fall so hard for the people I can't have next to me?
Why do I do the things I do whenever I tell myself not to do it, but do it anyways?
Sometimes I don't understand myself and I can't understand why some people can read me better than what I can of my own self. I just don't get it sometimes, it's not me. The past two years have fucked me up to the extreme now, I hate the way I'm feeling right now and for the rest of the time being. I just wanna wish everything away and wish that none of this would have happened to me. Everything just seems to go wrong now a days and I don't like it one bit. It just seems like everything is closing in on me and I can't do anything about it. I just wish what happened to me few years ago never even happened to me, I sit and I wonder how my life would be if that shit never came into my life. Would I be better or better for the worse? I can't deicde that now sicne it's already done happened to me.
I've cried so much over this week and last weekend I feel so drained right now, you wouldn't believe. I'm so weak about certain things now, it's hard for me now to watch couples and their relationships sometimes. It's hard for me to understand the meaning of love half the time and the meaning of life. I don't understand most of that anyways, I'm just lucky enough that I have people in my life that helps me cope with all this and help me get through this as well. I couldn't last one day on my own living like this or living this way for the rest of my life for that matter. I'm so lost and confused about absolutely everything it's..it's just I don't know, unbelieveable, I guess to some people.
Everything just seems a blah to me now, half the stuff I do, I'm to weak to even continue it. I'm tired of feeling like this, I just feel like a complete depress person and this isn't me. I don't like the feeling, I want to be able to feel other things, too, but I can't, some things I just feel too numb to understand.
I don't know, I'm just confused about everything and completely empty and torned up inside, but I do thank certain people who has helped me with this and tried their damnest to help me cope with this and been there for me to cry on and help me.