sleep, and why I can't.
I can't really remember the last time I slept through the night. Even before I was pregnant, I would lie awake and toss and turn most nights. Even after rigorous exercise. The truth, it seems, is that I inherited my father's insomnia. Thanks dad.
I don't remember really waking up, because I don't think I was really asleep. I doze, sure, but my consciousness ebbs and flows in ways that confuse reality. I think I've been actively awake for over an hour already.
I can't turn off my brain on command, which seems to be the biggest problem. Maybe this is preparation for what is to come n just a few months? (By the way, the bean is very much a boy bean)
Around 2:30 (in the morning), I could no longer ignore the hunger pangs. I kept hearing an ominous voice telling me, "if you're hungry, your baby is hungry." This Jewish guilt thing does not mesh well with motherhood, I'm afraid. I woke up and ate a cheese stick for two reasons: 1) the cheese stick is relatively low in carbs, which is important when you gained 13 pounds in your fifth month of pregnancy (true!), and 2) it was the first thing I saw in the fridge.
M is sleeping soundly, and has been for months. I'm trying hard not to be resentful, but I'm tired and crankiness is bound to follow.
When I woke up, I decided not to put on my glasses, hoping that the dulled edges would lull me to sleep; instead, I'm just squinting. It's back to the trenches, I suppose, for another attempt at something like sleep.
I don't remember really waking up, because I don't think I was really asleep. I doze, sure, but my consciousness ebbs and flows in ways that confuse reality. I think I've been actively awake for over an hour already.
I can't turn off my brain on command, which seems to be the biggest problem. Maybe this is preparation for what is to come n just a few months? (By the way, the bean is very much a boy bean)
Around 2:30 (in the morning), I could no longer ignore the hunger pangs. I kept hearing an ominous voice telling me, "if you're hungry, your baby is hungry." This Jewish guilt thing does not mesh well with motherhood, I'm afraid. I woke up and ate a cheese stick for two reasons: 1) the cheese stick is relatively low in carbs, which is important when you gained 13 pounds in your fifth month of pregnancy (true!), and 2) it was the first thing I saw in the fridge.
M is sleeping soundly, and has been for months. I'm trying hard not to be resentful, but I'm tired and crankiness is bound to follow.
When I woke up, I decided not to put on my glasses, hoping that the dulled edges would lull me to sleep; instead, I'm just squinting. It's back to the trenches, I suppose, for another attempt at something like sleep.