sleepwalking.
Meetings and presentations and networking and seminars and lots and lots of new ideas and nothing changes. Repackaging might work, but only if no one catches on. At what point will I get to make the change that everyone says they want?
I make a joke, in a meeting, about how I'm just going to start doing what I want because I have nothing to lose. It's true, but no one laughs. It's all egos at this point, anyway. I'm tired of being too young to get credit.
My ideas are good, but obviously better when someone else has them. Why should a word mean more when it is spoken by someone with more experience, when their experience hasn't been that great? I may be new, but I'm not green.
There are days when I want to use the power that I possess. Days when I want to go above and beyond the heads above and beyond me. Days when I don't care about corporate niceties and chains of command. These are the days when I take lots of notes as I watch certain scenerios play out in the dark recesses of my head. These are generally the days when I am full of vitriol and end the day on the treadmill or with weights pulling my body in pieces. Those are the best endings.
My muscles are sore. Too much stress means workouts get longer. Limits get pushed just a little further. It takes more and more and more exertion to clear my head. Sleep doesn't happen often, and when it does it's plagued and pulled apart by doubts and anger and worry. Without sleep muscles don't heal. Eyelids are heavy but refuse to stay shut.
During the day, sleep deprivation is masked by the finest of foundations and creams that smell like the inside of my grandmother's purse. A smell that tells the world that everything is okay, even when it isn't. Acrylic nails hide the fact that stress has taken what should be underneath, one anxious nibble at a time.
I sit and listen to someone else take credit for the things that I have thought. My head pounds and my body aches. When will I get credit for this?
I make a joke, in a meeting, about how I'm just going to start doing what I want because I have nothing to lose. It's true, but no one laughs. It's all egos at this point, anyway. I'm tired of being too young to get credit.
My ideas are good, but obviously better when someone else has them. Why should a word mean more when it is spoken by someone with more experience, when their experience hasn't been that great? I may be new, but I'm not green.
There are days when I want to use the power that I possess. Days when I want to go above and beyond the heads above and beyond me. Days when I don't care about corporate niceties and chains of command. These are the days when I take lots of notes as I watch certain scenerios play out in the dark recesses of my head. These are generally the days when I am full of vitriol and end the day on the treadmill or with weights pulling my body in pieces. Those are the best endings.
My muscles are sore. Too much stress means workouts get longer. Limits get pushed just a little further. It takes more and more and more exertion to clear my head. Sleep doesn't happen often, and when it does it's plagued and pulled apart by doubts and anger and worry. Without sleep muscles don't heal. Eyelids are heavy but refuse to stay shut.
During the day, sleep deprivation is masked by the finest of foundations and creams that smell like the inside of my grandmother's purse. A smell that tells the world that everything is okay, even when it isn't. Acrylic nails hide the fact that stress has taken what should be underneath, one anxious nibble at a time.
I sit and listen to someone else take credit for the things that I have thought. My head pounds and my body aches. When will I get credit for this?