Back on the wagon
Monday marked the first day in two weeks that I was officially back on the weight loss wagon. I forced myself to go walk/run on the treadmill at the Y and I started journaling my points. Surprisingly I feel ...okay and kind of like it is the first day of school. You know, how you hate being back into a routine after the freewheeling days of summer (or my two week sit on the couch/eat-a-thon) but the structure some how feels right. At first I was frustrated that I was so tired and sore and wasn't doing my normal Zumba class but I realized I needed to go back to baby steps. I had been out of the exercise loop for 2 weeks and jumping right back into high intensity exercise wasn't going to do me any good. I'd probably hurt myself and/or throw up on the shiny wooden floors of the exercise studio. So, I hamstered it on the treadmill while watching "Top 20 Villains of All Time" on Bravo and felt myself getting back into my groove.
One night last week, after I felt like I was going to eat everything in my pantry and just wanted to jump out of my skin, I did a little cruising around the Weight Watchers message board and looked for inspiration. I found the 200 Pounds to Lose board and I checked out a bunch of those posts. Holy shit, those people are admirable. I have about 50 pounds to go before I hit my goal and I whine my ass off about that fact every single day. The posts I read were from people who are in the process of shedding over 200 pounds and they were doing it! They were kicking ass, getting on with it and not whining a bit. Someone on the boards recommended reading the book Half-Assed by Jennette Fulda (check out her blog on www.pastaqueen.com ). I finished the book in one day (I am a fast reader) and something she wrote really hit home with me. She will always be a fat girl and will always have to be vigilant as far as her weight is concerned. She knows what she has to do to keep the weight off and even if it sucks she is going to do it. She doesn't have a choice.
I guess it is finally hitting me- I will always struggle with my weight and my hatred for exercise. I wish I could have the metabolism of a hummingbird and eat bags of Doritos (mmmm Doritos) without gaining an ounce but it isn't going to happen. What's that old saying? You could wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one fills up first? Well, that's where I am. It is no longer a vanity thing (although the muscle definition I am getting is nice as are the smaller sizes in clothes) but more of a health issue. I will always struggle with my weight because I want to live a long life. I want to be healthy and that isn't going to happen by snarfing and sitting. I lost my health twice when I was pregnant and while that was frightening I knew it was temporary. I don't want to get the permanent diseases like cancer, diabetes and heart disease that runs in my family. I love myself too much for that. So, I'll have to suck it up and put away the junk and put on the Nikes. I feel strangely empowered.
Hot Damn.
One night last week, after I felt like I was going to eat everything in my pantry and just wanted to jump out of my skin, I did a little cruising around the Weight Watchers message board and looked for inspiration. I found the 200 Pounds to Lose board and I checked out a bunch of those posts. Holy shit, those people are admirable. I have about 50 pounds to go before I hit my goal and I whine my ass off about that fact every single day. The posts I read were from people who are in the process of shedding over 200 pounds and they were doing it! They were kicking ass, getting on with it and not whining a bit. Someone on the boards recommended reading the book Half-Assed by Jennette Fulda (check out her blog on www.pastaqueen.com ). I finished the book in one day (I am a fast reader) and something she wrote really hit home with me. She will always be a fat girl and will always have to be vigilant as far as her weight is concerned. She knows what she has to do to keep the weight off and even if it sucks she is going to do it. She doesn't have a choice.
I guess it is finally hitting me- I will always struggle with my weight and my hatred for exercise. I wish I could have the metabolism of a hummingbird and eat bags of Doritos (mmmm Doritos) without gaining an ounce but it isn't going to happen. What's that old saying? You could wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one fills up first? Well, that's where I am. It is no longer a vanity thing (although the muscle definition I am getting is nice as are the smaller sizes in clothes) but more of a health issue. I will always struggle with my weight because I want to live a long life. I want to be healthy and that isn't going to happen by snarfing and sitting. I lost my health twice when I was pregnant and while that was frightening I knew it was temporary. I don't want to get the permanent diseases like cancer, diabetes and heart disease that runs in my family. I love myself too much for that. So, I'll have to suck it up and put away the junk and put on the Nikes. I feel strangely empowered.
Hot Damn.