the future
the future...a really scary phrase when you're a senior in college looking at your last few weeks on the campus you've come to call home. yes, i'll still be a college student for a few more months, but i won't feel like much of one. dublin will be fantastic--two month vacation, with a little teacher business on the side. but when i come back to the states, reality will hit me harder than a ton of bricks. i have to immediately look for a job--any job basically so i can get my foot in the door in an extremely competitive market in which i'm be competing with some of my best friends in the world. that sounds swell, doesn't it. i have to look for a job...but where do i start? at home, here, pa, delaware, somewhere in the middle? i've never felt this unsure of anything before.
in two months my life will be drastically different. i'll be in a foreign country, living a dream. then i'll return back to this place, but not in the same capacity as i am now as i write this. i will no longer be an undergraduate of tcnj--i will be a student teacher, a teacher being paid via credit. my days of sleeping in late, staying up late will cease to exist--at least during the week.
i do not want to be an adult. the kid who's acted like a 40 year old for 15 years is freaking out about growing up. yes, its true. i'm scared to death. change and me kinda hate each other. i'm rather used to things the way they are, and i like them right now.
yes making money will be fantastic, but in what sense will i be making money. full-time, long term sub, day-by-day sub? will i like it? will it be a place and a situation i detest? if that's the case, what will i do? graduate school? that scares me about as much if not more than a job.
my head hurts. i wish i had some clarity. i just feel like i'm going through the motions, and i'm not sure why i'm even bothering. i have this overwhelming sense that its all for naught.
i just want that remote control that freezes time. actually i want one that goes back in time. i'd go back to late march 2006. that was my happiest.
ps. i'm sorry for being a hypocrite. ilu.
in two months my life will be drastically different. i'll be in a foreign country, living a dream. then i'll return back to this place, but not in the same capacity as i am now as i write this. i will no longer be an undergraduate of tcnj--i will be a student teacher, a teacher being paid via credit. my days of sleeping in late, staying up late will cease to exist--at least during the week.
i do not want to be an adult. the kid who's acted like a 40 year old for 15 years is freaking out about growing up. yes, its true. i'm scared to death. change and me kinda hate each other. i'm rather used to things the way they are, and i like them right now.
yes making money will be fantastic, but in what sense will i be making money. full-time, long term sub, day-by-day sub? will i like it? will it be a place and a situation i detest? if that's the case, what will i do? graduate school? that scares me about as much if not more than a job.
my head hurts. i wish i had some clarity. i just feel like i'm going through the motions, and i'm not sure why i'm even bothering. i have this overwhelming sense that its all for naught.
i just want that remote control that freezes time. actually i want one that goes back in time. i'd go back to late march 2006. that was my happiest.
ps. i'm sorry for being a hypocrite. ilu.