(no subject)
at this very moment, i feel more alone on this campus than i ever have before. wolfe2 and that crazy environment where i had people to turn to no matter the time of day seems a world away. even decker which was no safe haven but had its moments, and at least i had various havens to turn to, was 100% percent better than this. i'm in a single, no one's on my floor, i'm not even sure who's in the house-wouldn't matter cuz they don't really know me anyway. my best friends are out christmas shopping without me. it feels like they completely forgot about me in the last few months. and i hate that feeling. though i know i'm partially responsible for the break, i still feel like i've tried to repair some damage but with no success. my friends from home are so far away and living their own separate lives at their schools. so i sit here, not doing work, not doing anything, feeling ridiculously sorry for myself and ridiculously alone. for those of you that know me and truly know my fears, you know that being alone is number one. as an only child i fear having no one in life, and though i know that's not my reality at the moment, i still feel so alone. those that do care about me either don't fully understand or know what's been going on, and those that do aren't at school. i'm worried about myself because i don't feel like myself. i'm worried because i don't know if i'll ever get myself back, fully. i'm just worried in general and don't know what to do about anything. i hate this feeling, but feel so powerless to make it go away.