Yeah
I think I figured out why Im doing so poorly. I think its because that E we did had some meth in it. Whatever...I give up already. Im so tired of acting. At least I have Joe. Hes the one thing thats keeping me sane. Im so lucky to have him...hes just such a wonderful wonderful man. Well Im not looking foward to converting to catholicism...but he is so worth it. It's just weird I'm a protestant jew! Then I'll be a protestant catholic jew! We found this beautiful treatment facility but they wont accept me because my diagnosis isnt addiction. The *best* place for me is in AZ but it costs $50 thou for 4-6 weeks!
Okay hold on let me organize my thoughts a bit better.
Havent gone to school in three weeks. All I wanna do is use my escapism tactics...which I'm totally abusing: I.E. sleeping, drugging, running away to Jamie's house, getting fucked up every night. At least I have tropics. I can go and have two long islands for $10 dollars! Im trying to be better with my intake...I was drinking too much so now I've cut back to 2-4 drinks a night...but honestly I consider a long island to be one drink, Joe says its 2. Joe is training to be the "bar bitch" there. I wish his family knew about me cause I'd run away to Texas with him this summer and never come back. I know running away wont change the problem...but it would definatly be different...and maybe thats what I need. Well let me keep on topic. Im proud of him, hes doing his best to get jobs. He applied at: Safeway, Tropics *got the job*, Radio Shack, Sizzler, and I think Maui Tacos.
I'm so in love with Joe. It sucks that we bicker, but at least it never lasts too long. I know how he feels and I feel like I might have found the one. Its just so hard to be certain, but he feels so right to not be you know? I dont think I could have asked for anything more in a mate. Someone who constantly reminds me of how beautiful I am as a person and asthetically. Someone whos been there too down some of my most trecherous paths. Someone who has been engaged. Someone who I enjoy laughing with all the time, even when tears are coming. Someone who holds my hand and calms me down when Im hysterical. Someone I can almost fully and openly communicate with. Someone who is accepting of my sexuality and would let me be with other women if thats what I needed. And you know, just knowing that if I needed to I could is calming in its own way. Someone who is my sexual match, who will let me push there bounderies a little or help set new ones. I could go on and on...but I wont...theres not enough blogging room in the world to define my undying devotion for him. This promisment (promise ring + engagement) ring is gorgeous, it reminds me of him. This enagagement is different...I dont feel pressured to get married at all...because I know we have a lifetime together to tie the knot, why rush it? Plus we're having a mock wedding for just us and our friends...its a bummer because whenever we do it, someone we love will be missing. If we do it before August, Rikki (Jamie's husband) wont be there. But if we do it after August, Joe's wannabe best mans Dr. Kraft and Duckie wont be there, they'll be back in Texas. But Jamie is going to be our flower/condom girl, and we're going to have it on the beach.
I dont know what other topics to cover except that I need some deoderant cause I STINK! bye
Okay hold on let me organize my thoughts a bit better.
Havent gone to school in three weeks. All I wanna do is use my escapism tactics...which I'm totally abusing: I.E. sleeping, drugging, running away to Jamie's house, getting fucked up every night. At least I have tropics. I can go and have two long islands for $10 dollars! Im trying to be better with my intake...I was drinking too much so now I've cut back to 2-4 drinks a night...but honestly I consider a long island to be one drink, Joe says its 2. Joe is training to be the "bar bitch" there. I wish his family knew about me cause I'd run away to Texas with him this summer and never come back. I know running away wont change the problem...but it would definatly be different...and maybe thats what I need. Well let me keep on topic. Im proud of him, hes doing his best to get jobs. He applied at: Safeway, Tropics *got the job*, Radio Shack, Sizzler, and I think Maui Tacos.
I'm so in love with Joe. It sucks that we bicker, but at least it never lasts too long. I know how he feels and I feel like I might have found the one. Its just so hard to be certain, but he feels so right to not be you know? I dont think I could have asked for anything more in a mate. Someone who constantly reminds me of how beautiful I am as a person and asthetically. Someone whos been there too down some of my most trecherous paths. Someone who has been engaged. Someone who I enjoy laughing with all the time, even when tears are coming. Someone who holds my hand and calms me down when Im hysterical. Someone I can almost fully and openly communicate with. Someone who is accepting of my sexuality and would let me be with other women if thats what I needed. And you know, just knowing that if I needed to I could is calming in its own way. Someone who is my sexual match, who will let me push there bounderies a little or help set new ones. I could go on and on...but I wont...theres not enough blogging room in the world to define my undying devotion for him. This promisment (promise ring + engagement) ring is gorgeous, it reminds me of him. This enagagement is different...I dont feel pressured to get married at all...because I know we have a lifetime together to tie the knot, why rush it? Plus we're having a mock wedding for just us and our friends...its a bummer because whenever we do it, someone we love will be missing. If we do it before August, Rikki (Jamie's husband) wont be there. But if we do it after August, Joe's wannabe best mans Dr. Kraft and Duckie wont be there, they'll be back in Texas. But Jamie is going to be our flower/condom girl, and we're going to have it on the beach.
I dont know what other topics to cover except that I need some deoderant cause I STINK! bye