Office Space...
Corporate people. Some of the most loathsome people on the planet sit in air-conditioned offices, probably making more than you do. No, seriously, it seems the equation for today’s work force is: ‘The harder you work, the less you’re likely going to make this year.’ Which to some might seem baffling, odd and unfair. I know I’d agree. Oh, and yes, I know, there are a million of you out there who are those corporate people and are bound and determined to just say something, even in suggestion, to defend your case.
‘Well, you know, it’s not all wine and roses, I have to run a lot of paperwork all over the building, and sometimes my feet hurt.’ Or, ‘Some days I come home and I’m just as wiped out as you would be.’
As I would be if I... what? Had to put up with a sub-comfortable chair, a computer screen and many, many annoying people every day? - COME ON, WHAT THE FUCK. Wake up now, you’re on the Internet! You get angry about that sub-comfortable chair, computer screen and annoying people, yet you come home, log on and put up with the same crap, only now you’re smiling! What are you thinking? That is not pain and suffering!
Corporate people tick me off a great deal. I’ve been one, I didn’t like it, I really just couldn’t take the polite push-arounds I got from people making more than me or who sat in an office on a higher floor than mine. Now I’ve moved back into the world of the Every Day Consumer, and I realize corporate people are even bigger dicks than I had originally realized.
Say for example you have to call some random Corporate Company; we’ll call them Fujitsu Paint & Sony Tile. You call Fujitsu Paint & Sony Tile, and you’re looking for an answer to a simple question that the lady at the help desk could help you with, yet she chooses not to and follows that oh-so-irritating ‘Chain of Command’. She bounces you on to another desk where you get whatever oily, pimple-faced TWELVE-YEAR-OLD they just made a CEO. He explains oh-so-politely that he can’t help you and needs to bump you over to their tech support.
What he doesn’t tell you is tech support’s one big Queue where you’re lucky to get a place in line or not and the hold time’s something like thirty-five minutes. You wait, and wait, and then someone else answers the phone and, again, politely, informs you that the person you’re looking for is away from their desk.
AWAY. FROM THEIR FUCKING. DESK. Why in the fucking sam-fucking-ass-god-damn-piss-fuck-shit-HILL are corporate people NEVER. AT. THEIR FUCKING. DESKS! Big, cushy office, fat oak desk- NEVER THERE. So, undaunted, you hang up, decide you’ll call back later, walk down the road a piece for some coffee. Only when you arrive at whatever hole-in-the-wall, Abu Dhabi-Mart they just turned into a 7-Eleven, you find out that it’s CORPORATE POLICY not to sell coffee after 2 o’clock, because people hardly buy any. Well, gee, thanks a lot, FUCK ME- the guy who drinks coffee at 2 o’ clock, lemme just go back here to the cooler and get a can of JO BOB’S PISS-COLORED ENERGY SLURPEE.
You ever get a slug down of one of those energy drinks? Yeah, it tastes something like gargling with Listerine and cutting the edgy burn with the liquid diarrhea of a bulimic Olympic gymnast fresh out of a sushi bar.
P.S. It’s Bitch Day at Camp Hybrid. Suck it down.
Hybrid: Out.
‘Well, you know, it’s not all wine and roses, I have to run a lot of paperwork all over the building, and sometimes my feet hurt.’ Or, ‘Some days I come home and I’m just as wiped out as you would be.’
As I would be if I... what? Had to put up with a sub-comfortable chair, a computer screen and many, many annoying people every day? - COME ON, WHAT THE FUCK. Wake up now, you’re on the Internet! You get angry about that sub-comfortable chair, computer screen and annoying people, yet you come home, log on and put up with the same crap, only now you’re smiling! What are you thinking? That is not pain and suffering!
Corporate people tick me off a great deal. I’ve been one, I didn’t like it, I really just couldn’t take the polite push-arounds I got from people making more than me or who sat in an office on a higher floor than mine. Now I’ve moved back into the world of the Every Day Consumer, and I realize corporate people are even bigger dicks than I had originally realized.
Say for example you have to call some random Corporate Company; we’ll call them Fujitsu Paint & Sony Tile. You call Fujitsu Paint & Sony Tile, and you’re looking for an answer to a simple question that the lady at the help desk could help you with, yet she chooses not to and follows that oh-so-irritating ‘Chain of Command’. She bounces you on to another desk where you get whatever oily, pimple-faced TWELVE-YEAR-OLD they just made a CEO. He explains oh-so-politely that he can’t help you and needs to bump you over to their tech support.
What he doesn’t tell you is tech support’s one big Queue where you’re lucky to get a place in line or not and the hold time’s something like thirty-five minutes. You wait, and wait, and then someone else answers the phone and, again, politely, informs you that the person you’re looking for is away from their desk.
AWAY. FROM THEIR FUCKING. DESK. Why in the fucking sam-fucking-ass-god-damn-piss-fuck-shit-HILL are corporate people NEVER. AT. THEIR FUCKING. DESKS! Big, cushy office, fat oak desk- NEVER THERE. So, undaunted, you hang up, decide you’ll call back later, walk down the road a piece for some coffee. Only when you arrive at whatever hole-in-the-wall, Abu Dhabi-Mart they just turned into a 7-Eleven, you find out that it’s CORPORATE POLICY not to sell coffee after 2 o’clock, because people hardly buy any. Well, gee, thanks a lot, FUCK ME- the guy who drinks coffee at 2 o’ clock, lemme just go back here to the cooler and get a can of JO BOB’S PISS-COLORED ENERGY SLURPEE.
You ever get a slug down of one of those energy drinks? Yeah, it tastes something like gargling with Listerine and cutting the edgy burn with the liquid diarrhea of a bulimic Olympic gymnast fresh out of a sushi bar.
P.S. It’s Bitch Day at Camp Hybrid. Suck it down.
Hybrid: Out.