Everest Blues, Harlequin News...
This... was inspired by the thought I had this morning when I woke up: Inside me, I actually do have the ability to be human. I'm a little frightened by this, but at the same time, the thrill is like that innocent giggle that I'm incapable of. Are we ready yet?
Huh.
...Okay..
I've had an interesting day. I've had an interesting week, an interesting life. It's amazing how sometimes things can be so absolutely hopeless yet feel so good at the same time. I feel like, even though things are crashing down faster than I can stop them, it's a good thing that they're falling. The very act of them crumbling to the ground at my feet, it's like a new beginning. It's a blessing more or less, even if it's one that's a little hard to swallow, it's still a blessing. It's like my old life- that old sin, that old routine, song and dance- whatever- it's like it's going away because at some point I realized I didn't need it.
It's when things break that we feel the most real. Anyone will tell you that they never knew what strength was in them until the day that strength was tested by the unforgiving Goddess, Life. It's that moment when you feel you're ready to break with everything else that's falling to pieces that you realize you still have the will to continue lifting your hands up and trying to catch those pieces before they fall. It's when you realize you have the kind of patience and iron will to sit there and glue those pieces back together, even if it's in vain. You know it'll never be the same and yet, despite the heartache and the shock of it all, you don't care. You smile. You feel. It's a good thing and your body doesn't want to stop it, even though your head's telling you it needs to end.
I feel that. It's an encouraging feeling, to be at that point and still willing to take out the old broom and dustpan and pick up what remains of your life after the wolves have had their share and the hyenas have shredded what's left. I feel like a new man babysitting the old me until that old me dies. And I like that I have the will to put up with myself. I like that I'm not as weak as I thought but at the same time, I still like being not-strong-enough. It's a challenge that everyone should undertake because it really affirms who you are to you and no one can take that from you. Once you know who you are, I truly believe that's when we actually grow wings and fly.
It's soul, really. It's that part of you that's literally invulnerable. Sure it can get hurt, sure it can get mangled and beaten and most certainly depressed, but at the end of any long journey it's still all right. It seems to always be better than before when you finally get over it. Perhaps that's the essential part of being alive? That soul. It's not a spiritual thing so much as a you thing. It's you and it's real. It's the substance of all people. It responds to any and everything you feed it because it was designed that way, while at the same time it helps you better understand the things that go right and the things that go wrong. When your world stops spinning, it's still there to comfort you and keep you time after time. I suppose you can equate that to constantly having someone or something to fall back on, even when you hit rock bottom or you top out.
But you don't worry, right? You just keep on keeping on, you take that step and then another and then one more after that and you wonder: Way back then when I was crying, why did I feel so weak if I'm still here and I'm still strong? Why did I choose that moment to falter?
Because you're human and you can't help being who you are, what you are, when you are. It's why runners run. They run like they're running from something eternally, they run and each day it gets easier and easier to run farther than before. It's how they feel free. Imagine with me for a moment that you're a runner and you have the stamina of God. You set out one day and you run and you never stop because you don't have to. No water, no terrain, no weather, no disaster can stop you. You're not held captive by fear of oppression be it religious, racial or financial. You have no feelings of prejudice or pride. It's just you and the road, the sound of your feet hitting pavement like a hypnotic mantra and that euphoric realization that nobody can stop you but you sets in. Suddenly you're weightless, suddenly your mind flees from you and then... You have wings.
One more night. We can always say that. Night is when it's dark, it's when it's bleak and your terrified of what's just outside your cone of vision. One more night. That's determination, that's power, that's your strength. One more night. You walk it regardless. You're not afraid. You're terrified but you're not afraid. You write the experience down on that blank chalk board in your head and you can't help but grin like a jackal. You're not afraid but you're terrified. It's the thrill. One more night. DAMNIT, you can't stop. It's like a drug. Motivation is a drug. Once you master it, once you realize that it's a switch in your mind that you flip and suddenly you're invincible. You. Can't. Stop it.
I feel as buoyant as a duck, as light as a cloud. I feel as sinkable as a wrecked ship and as heavy as a mountain. It's when the music stops, when the Piper stops piping and takes a moment to breathe. It's that silence, that crisp, golden silence that stops your heart and leaves you breathless as well.
Only in this song, you actually wait around for the next tempo.
P.S. Drum a new beat, drummer. Spin a new tale. Dream a new dream. There's nothing wrong with marching to your own drum. The point of it all is to keep marching!
Hybrid: Out.
Huh.
...Okay..
I've had an interesting day. I've had an interesting week, an interesting life. It's amazing how sometimes things can be so absolutely hopeless yet feel so good at the same time. I feel like, even though things are crashing down faster than I can stop them, it's a good thing that they're falling. The very act of them crumbling to the ground at my feet, it's like a new beginning. It's a blessing more or less, even if it's one that's a little hard to swallow, it's still a blessing. It's like my old life- that old sin, that old routine, song and dance- whatever- it's like it's going away because at some point I realized I didn't need it.
It's when things break that we feel the most real. Anyone will tell you that they never knew what strength was in them until the day that strength was tested by the unforgiving Goddess, Life. It's that moment when you feel you're ready to break with everything else that's falling to pieces that you realize you still have the will to continue lifting your hands up and trying to catch those pieces before they fall. It's when you realize you have the kind of patience and iron will to sit there and glue those pieces back together, even if it's in vain. You know it'll never be the same and yet, despite the heartache and the shock of it all, you don't care. You smile. You feel. It's a good thing and your body doesn't want to stop it, even though your head's telling you it needs to end.
I feel that. It's an encouraging feeling, to be at that point and still willing to take out the old broom and dustpan and pick up what remains of your life after the wolves have had their share and the hyenas have shredded what's left. I feel like a new man babysitting the old me until that old me dies. And I like that I have the will to put up with myself. I like that I'm not as weak as I thought but at the same time, I still like being not-strong-enough. It's a challenge that everyone should undertake because it really affirms who you are to you and no one can take that from you. Once you know who you are, I truly believe that's when we actually grow wings and fly.
It's soul, really. It's that part of you that's literally invulnerable. Sure it can get hurt, sure it can get mangled and beaten and most certainly depressed, but at the end of any long journey it's still all right. It seems to always be better than before when you finally get over it. Perhaps that's the essential part of being alive? That soul. It's not a spiritual thing so much as a you thing. It's you and it's real. It's the substance of all people. It responds to any and everything you feed it because it was designed that way, while at the same time it helps you better understand the things that go right and the things that go wrong. When your world stops spinning, it's still there to comfort you and keep you time after time. I suppose you can equate that to constantly having someone or something to fall back on, even when you hit rock bottom or you top out.
But you don't worry, right? You just keep on keeping on, you take that step and then another and then one more after that and you wonder: Way back then when I was crying, why did I feel so weak if I'm still here and I'm still strong? Why did I choose that moment to falter?
Because you're human and you can't help being who you are, what you are, when you are. It's why runners run. They run like they're running from something eternally, they run and each day it gets easier and easier to run farther than before. It's how they feel free. Imagine with me for a moment that you're a runner and you have the stamina of God. You set out one day and you run and you never stop because you don't have to. No water, no terrain, no weather, no disaster can stop you. You're not held captive by fear of oppression be it religious, racial or financial. You have no feelings of prejudice or pride. It's just you and the road, the sound of your feet hitting pavement like a hypnotic mantra and that euphoric realization that nobody can stop you but you sets in. Suddenly you're weightless, suddenly your mind flees from you and then... You have wings.
One more night. We can always say that. Night is when it's dark, it's when it's bleak and your terrified of what's just outside your cone of vision. One more night. That's determination, that's power, that's your strength. One more night. You walk it regardless. You're not afraid. You're terrified but you're not afraid. You write the experience down on that blank chalk board in your head and you can't help but grin like a jackal. You're not afraid but you're terrified. It's the thrill. One more night. DAMNIT, you can't stop. It's like a drug. Motivation is a drug. Once you master it, once you realize that it's a switch in your mind that you flip and suddenly you're invincible. You. Can't. Stop it.
I feel as buoyant as a duck, as light as a cloud. I feel as sinkable as a wrecked ship and as heavy as a mountain. It's when the music stops, when the Piper stops piping and takes a moment to breathe. It's that silence, that crisp, golden silence that stops your heart and leaves you breathless as well.
Only in this song, you actually wait around for the next tempo.
P.S. Drum a new beat, drummer. Spin a new tale. Dream a new dream. There's nothing wrong with marching to your own drum. The point of it all is to keep marching!
Hybrid: Out.