I not ...
So, what I'm I not good enough for you? Am I too good? I never try to hurt anyone, try being the oprative word, but still. I don't mean to when I do and I do feel sorry. If I really wanted to get uber caought up in myspace drama I would send this to you, but you know what? I just need to get it out of my system. Aaron, I know you're not reading this right now, and I doubt any of this will ever reach your ears. You hurt me. I have never been hurt like that before. It's not the myspace thing. I could really care less about this stupid site. I could. I use it to comunicate with friends I don't see often and my sister and cousins. But regardless of all that, you hurt me. I chose you over Brian. WHY DID I CHOOSE YOU OVER BRIAN!?!?!?!? It's a question that can never be answered. I am officially atributing a fair number of my mental problems to you. You fail to see that beating around the bush is a wast of time. Either one of us could be dead tomarow, and then where does being cryptic get you. You can blame Dan for that realization. Yet, I digress. I chose you. I had to walk on eggshells on the person I thought would be my friend for years. It is partly your fault that we are curently not speaking. Thank you. Your words drive me to either get angry or suisidal. I don't want to die. I don't want to kill. I don't want to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and have you hate me for it. You are being a dick. I try to be a good friend. I try to be there for everyone. That includes you. I made you two promices that I have never made anyone else at the same time. If you don't remeber what they are, then you are less of a man than I though you were. I however, will not go back on my word. I will hold true to those promices. If someone does tell you to read this, remeber, I rarely ask for anything from you but to listen. I suppose that's my biggest issue with you. You never just listen. You always have to give your input. Sometimes all people need is to just talk. I didn't talk all through high school, and now I'm making up for it. I have things to say. I try to get my point accross as best I can. Understanding is the key to any relationshipl. I think I understand you better than you understand me. You don't understand why I don't have much life expierance and you don't seem to think I have any kind of wisdom. You are dead wrong. I learn form history. My parents, my sister, my friends. I look at their past mistakes and decisions and I see. I see what I might do. But you seem to think the only way to gain any street smarts is through experience. It certianly helps, no doubt about it, but it's not just that. I have seen things through my father's eyes. I have seen things through the eyes of my mother. My sister's eyes are mine as well. What one of us knows, so does the other. It's different for me. I'm not... like you. I can't be like you, and I think, somewhere inside, you want me to. You once told me that I was one of your best friends. I don't take that kind of thing lightly. You hurt me when you said that. I have an obligation to you now. I have that obligation to anyone who refers to me as one of their "best friends". That's why you have never been one of mine. I hope you get something out of this if you do stumble accross it. To the rest of you mysterious readers, I hope you see something in it too. I'm mostly just writing out my ass here, so ask if you need clarification... Or not. Whatever I don't care right now.