i count the smiles.
while this may sound ridiculous and a little pathetic, hear me out before you begin to judge me on the next thing i say.
i just spent the last hour going through all my pictures on facebook.
For a while i've considered this past year of school and the year in general to be the worst year of my life probably. I've been the most unhappy i've been in a long time, and i've been upset about many varying issues. That being said as i went through those pictures i came to the conclusion that i've been wrong. This has not been the worst year of my life at all. In fact it's probably been the best year of my life, maybe not in the sense that i've been the most happy but i have definitely experienced the most this year, i've learned a lot, and i've most certainly grown up in a snap. Looking back at those pictures i've realized who my true blue friends are, those people I can always count on to be there for me. They've given me advice, offered their love, and support, even their homes to me when i was in need. And though i did not always take their offers, they still came. This year i've had the most conflicting feelings about where i'm going and the choices i've made. I've made a lot of dumb choices. but fuck i had fun. and i've lied a lot, more so than i've ever lied before. and though i regret that i've lied about a lot of things, there is no way any of my adventures wouldve taken place without those lies. How is a girl supposed to drive two and a half hours up to virginia at 2am on the day before new years eve to stay in a amazing farmhouse with a bunch of kids who barely even know her name, and be able to ask her dad for permission? it was inevitable. My Hell that i've gone through this year with not only my stupid boy, but my crazy mother, has made me realize who i am and how i deal with..well. bullshit. not very well i may add, but more importantly i've realized how i want to now deal with those "struggles", and how i'm ready to move on from pain and lack of trust, to going out and finding what i really deserve. I've had to learn to accept a lot of bullshit. and thats good too. cause the world is full of just fuckin bullshit. Anyway, this is really rambling, all i'm trying to say is that it shows in the pictures. I think back to those happy moments i had with friends and i can remember the shit that was happening around that time, or i can just remember the smiles. the thing i noticed was that my friends and i, we dont pose for pictures like those kids who bring their cameras to the party for the drunken group shot. If there's a smile on my face it was real. and thats what i realized. I've had a good year with the people that really love me and thats all that matters in the end. My experimentations, rebellion, and stupidity, all that stuff came this year and that was fun too. Its hard sometimes to think of the good in life, cause in most cases it is overshadowed by the bad. but looking through pictures make the good times easier to pick out for me at least.. because the smiles were real... Senior year was fucked up for me i will not deny it...but it was a good year.
i just spent the last hour going through all my pictures on facebook.
For a while i've considered this past year of school and the year in general to be the worst year of my life probably. I've been the most unhappy i've been in a long time, and i've been upset about many varying issues. That being said as i went through those pictures i came to the conclusion that i've been wrong. This has not been the worst year of my life at all. In fact it's probably been the best year of my life, maybe not in the sense that i've been the most happy but i have definitely experienced the most this year, i've learned a lot, and i've most certainly grown up in a snap. Looking back at those pictures i've realized who my true blue friends are, those people I can always count on to be there for me. They've given me advice, offered their love, and support, even their homes to me when i was in need. And though i did not always take their offers, they still came. This year i've had the most conflicting feelings about where i'm going and the choices i've made. I've made a lot of dumb choices. but fuck i had fun. and i've lied a lot, more so than i've ever lied before. and though i regret that i've lied about a lot of things, there is no way any of my adventures wouldve taken place without those lies. How is a girl supposed to drive two and a half hours up to virginia at 2am on the day before new years eve to stay in a amazing farmhouse with a bunch of kids who barely even know her name, and be able to ask her dad for permission? it was inevitable. My Hell that i've gone through this year with not only my stupid boy, but my crazy mother, has made me realize who i am and how i deal with..well. bullshit. not very well i may add, but more importantly i've realized how i want to now deal with those "struggles", and how i'm ready to move on from pain and lack of trust, to going out and finding what i really deserve. I've had to learn to accept a lot of bullshit. and thats good too. cause the world is full of just fuckin bullshit. Anyway, this is really rambling, all i'm trying to say is that it shows in the pictures. I think back to those happy moments i had with friends and i can remember the shit that was happening around that time, or i can just remember the smiles. the thing i noticed was that my friends and i, we dont pose for pictures like those kids who bring their cameras to the party for the drunken group shot. If there's a smile on my face it was real. and thats what i realized. I've had a good year with the people that really love me and thats all that matters in the end. My experimentations, rebellion, and stupidity, all that stuff came this year and that was fun too. Its hard sometimes to think of the good in life, cause in most cases it is overshadowed by the bad. but looking through pictures make the good times easier to pick out for me at least.. because the smiles were real... Senior year was fucked up for me i will not deny it...but it was a good year.