Sexuality and preconceptions

[luzifer_]

A few random thoughts that have been nagging at my brain lately. Construction may be flawed as I tend to write these things a little bit at a time, constantly adding a few sentences here and there over a few days

Comments

[luzifer_]

Mmm that is a good point too. I think people don't usually label close friends in the same way they do with strangers. It helps, for example, to distinguish between people you would like to get to know better, and people you might not be as interested in. I would for example be much likelier (especially right now as gender on the top of my mind nowadays) to talk to a person who visibly challenges the gender binary than one who doesn't, because I feel like we would have more in common and would therefore get on better. (However, I also know that this is not at all true in a lot of cases.. you don't do that for example and we get along great! And I've talked to some absolute idiots who do..) I dunno if that's a bad example because I don't know how good a label that is.. but like you said, at 16 we were both into the goth subculture and therefore it made sense for us to start talking. Seeing you lay the Tarot cards in the busaferð made me label you as someone who would be interested in 'darker', esoteric stuff (at least on the gothy side somewhere), and therefore as someone I would have stuff in common with.
I dunno, I'm just naturally bad with labels. D:

[sarahblack]

I think it's pretty natural to notice a visible trait, or behavior, and make a connection in your head between that behavior and a group of people who enjoy participating in that behavior.

It's what uniforms and flags are for. You see a dude wearing a soccer uniform, playing soccer, and you immeditely make this connection: "That guy belongs to soccer team A."

It's a very useful and logical thing to do. Imagine how lost we would be if we always had to check these things. "Um, excuse me mister? Are you definitely wearing that uniform because you're part of the team? Or are you just doing it to be ~ironic~?"

The problems start when this type of thinking starts making connections between less obvious "uniforms" and more ill-defined groups of people.

Like when you noticed me with the Tarot cards and identified me as belonging to the group: "goth". I was a gothy type person at the time, but I was also a lot of other stuff. With you and me everything turned out fine, but I'm sure other people made the same connection you made and decided they never wanted to talk to me. (Because they hate goths or whatever.)

And who knows? Maybe that person would have become my best friend if I hadn't been playing with Tarot cards, because we had everything else in common.

Uh. I'm just rambling now, aren't I?

[luzifer_]

Rambling is good.. I hope! It's what I do anyway.

Well, at least today we can never be really sure even with uniforms as easily definable as those as they might just be a fashion fad. Which is another thing I don't really get, related to the ideas about identity and labels and stuff.. I was talking to someone about this the other day, I can't remember who, about people who will dress a certain way in order to look like they belong to a certain group that they don't really belong to at all. Even just wearing jeans that have been ripped up before you bought them, in order to look like a rebel-type who will go out and get their jeans all ripped up because they 'just don't care', when in fact the only time they'll even leave the house it's go get into their expensive cars.
It's sending out a very confusing message, and I think if they do want to appear as a specific type, it usually means that somewhere inside them at least, they do wish to be that type.. in which case I don't understand why they don't just do it. I guess they're stuck in a specific type and are afraid to leave it?

Rambleramble. :B

Edit: And yes, I did apply a 'gothy' label to you due to your clothing and the Tarot cards. Obviously I did know that you were a lot of other things, but that was what was most apparent to me at that moment. Someone else may have looked at you and noticed something else, or made different connections and assumed other things, which may or may not have affected their judgment of you.

[sarahblack]

Yeah, that's so true. There are some signs which can be taken for granted, (like someone wearing an official military uniform, or a police uniform), but most of the time, you can't really know for sure what a person means by their clothes/accessories/behavior.

Like jazzqueen has talked about in the past - she altered her shirt so she wouldn't get as hot at her job, and one of her coworkers thought she was doing it to show off her body. (Eyeroll.) Because she wanted to reduce sweat, she got labeled as "sexy" or whatever.

Not awesome.

So yeah. Labeling is definitely a problematic practise. Even if it can be very helpful, it can also be harmful.

[luzifer_]

Exactly. And I do believe labelling causes more harm than not labelling. I can see how it can be helpful too, but I think the positive points are outweighed by the negative.