Do you ever check my away message...
I had a nightmare last night that I can't even begin to talk about- but I have felt the need to back track all day to make sure I am ok now- going thru my past relationship tends to comfort me that I have made progress and whats past is past and whats present is, well, now and good...bear with me...
HE represents a time in my life when I was innocent. I could never be anything but innocent with him, hence I froze that one time.
She represents my sexuality, but announced it more proudly than I ever could or will. I wish I had that confidence.
HE represents a time in my life when I was terrified- of him, of my body, and everything that was happening in between. I hate him for this, but, even though I should, I really wish I didn't.
HE represents my youth-raging lust and unstable emotions. I cant be anything but a lover to you, so we are nothing.
HE represents every maternal martyr instinct I have. When I couldn't save you, or convince you to save yourself, I forgot you completely.
HE represents my last attempt at a "bad boy". I regret this He the most, and have given up on befriending hairy men. We would have made good friends if I could express myself more verbally than physical. (of course, this is true for most of the other he's and she's)
He is my heart, and I know that even though I have many, many, many faults (I throw punches when I am frustrated, cry when I'm angry at myself, jelousoholic, probably can't have babies and ridiculously competitive) he wants me. And whats different this time is that I want him.
All the rest were just..there.
You see, my dream last night was a low blow from my own subconscious. I dont think anyone wants to revisit the worst time of their life, but to imagine that time as if it were happening in the present just ripped my heart out. He is different, and to imagine him possessing any such qualities of the rest is foolish. My subconscious is just plain mean, thats all.
HE represents a time in my life when I was innocent. I could never be anything but innocent with him, hence I froze that one time.
She represents my sexuality, but announced it more proudly than I ever could or will. I wish I had that confidence.
HE represents a time in my life when I was terrified- of him, of my body, and everything that was happening in between. I hate him for this, but, even though I should, I really wish I didn't.
HE represents my youth-raging lust and unstable emotions. I cant be anything but a lover to you, so we are nothing.
HE represents every maternal martyr instinct I have. When I couldn't save you, or convince you to save yourself, I forgot you completely.
HE represents my last attempt at a "bad boy". I regret this He the most, and have given up on befriending hairy men. We would have made good friends if I could express myself more verbally than physical. (of course, this is true for most of the other he's and she's)
He is my heart, and I know that even though I have many, many, many faults (I throw punches when I am frustrated, cry when I'm angry at myself, jelousoholic, probably can't have babies and ridiculously competitive) he wants me. And whats different this time is that I want him.
All the rest were just..there.
You see, my dream last night was a low blow from my own subconscious. I dont think anyone wants to revisit the worst time of their life, but to imagine that time as if it were happening in the present just ripped my heart out. He is different, and to imagine him possessing any such qualities of the rest is foolish. My subconscious is just plain mean, thats all.