Beautiful World.
Things have been pretty mixed recently. I've been busy that's for sure.
I'm free from the Abbey thanks to Drew who helped me out again. I just have to wait another day to close the account and I'm sorted. Also, I'm officially the worst girlfriend in the world ever. I didn't even have the money to get him a birthday present. I don't want to talk about that right now. >.<
In other news the panic attacks are back with avengence. I'm back on the happy pills, dosage to be upped next month so they can start councelling and CBT. I don't care what they do, so long as they stop the anxiety. I used to be really against the anti depressants but now I just don't care. I'll try anything that helps.
I'm still having to take sleeping pills, I didn't get a wink of sleep last night and I'm exhausted. I just hope I'm not getting addicted to them. The last thing I need is something else to worry about.
I'm still unemployed but I'm rolling with the maths tutoring and I still intend to take the NATS exam, simple because it's something to do. I mean for christsake I got turned down for a bar job today. It's not like I don't have any experience. Besides, they could train a monkey to do it. How badly does that suck!?
The good news is that JMU have given me an unconditional offer to study Japanese and International Business. I'm really psyched that I'm guaranteed a Uni course in September! I still haven't heard from Liverpool Uni but either way I'll be happy with what I get. Kuk Sool is going really well and I'm going to start on Fan Blades again on Wednesday. I can't wait! I think I'm improving but I'm still a mediocre student at best. I want to work harder.
Honestly though, I don't know how much more of this anxiety I can cope with. It's clear that my parents aren't taking it seriously and this morning made it painfully clear to me that no matter how much I think I need peoples help I will have to cope with this on my own. I don't mind standing on my own two feet. It's just not ideal right now.
I really, really hate being abandoned.
I'm free from the Abbey thanks to Drew who helped me out again. I just have to wait another day to close the account and I'm sorted. Also, I'm officially the worst girlfriend in the world ever. I didn't even have the money to get him a birthday present. I don't want to talk about that right now. >.<
In other news the panic attacks are back with avengence. I'm back on the happy pills, dosage to be upped next month so they can start councelling and CBT. I don't care what they do, so long as they stop the anxiety. I used to be really against the anti depressants but now I just don't care. I'll try anything that helps.
I'm still having to take sleeping pills, I didn't get a wink of sleep last night and I'm exhausted. I just hope I'm not getting addicted to them. The last thing I need is something else to worry about.
I'm still unemployed but I'm rolling with the maths tutoring and I still intend to take the NATS exam, simple because it's something to do. I mean for christsake I got turned down for a bar job today. It's not like I don't have any experience. Besides, they could train a monkey to do it. How badly does that suck!?
The good news is that JMU have given me an unconditional offer to study Japanese and International Business. I'm really psyched that I'm guaranteed a Uni course in September! I still haven't heard from Liverpool Uni but either way I'll be happy with what I get. Kuk Sool is going really well and I'm going to start on Fan Blades again on Wednesday. I can't wait! I think I'm improving but I'm still a mediocre student at best. I want to work harder.
Honestly though, I don't know how much more of this anxiety I can cope with. It's clear that my parents aren't taking it seriously and this morning made it painfully clear to me that no matter how much I think I need peoples help I will have to cope with this on my own. I don't mind standing on my own two feet. It's just not ideal right now.
I really, really hate being abandoned.