(no subject)
So I've got a game plan in the works for the next two - three years of my life. I concocted it on some stranger's stone fence on 1st street while picking their roses and playing "he loves me, he loves me not" (the answers to that question were decidedly in the negative as I found out today but we won't focus on that right now).
My plan is this--
1) Spend the next summer and fall working my ass off, saving money.
2) In February, fill out my FAFSA and apply for student grants to go back to school.
3) Get accepted to college out in California for the fall of 2008--I'm thinking maybe USC, or Berkeley (I've got connections at Berk, so we'll see).
4) Go back to school and either pursue my masters, or go back for digital art and photography. After a long talk with two professional photographers, this seems like a valid, marketable pursuit. Plus, I'll be doing something I love. Finally.
5) Move to California under the grace of student loans.
6) Decide whether I really want to live out there--all the while working to improve my education. I'm young, and by the time I get my master's or second degree, I'll only be shy of 26.
This is the best way to get out there, short of suddenly getting some fantastically well-paying job. I dont' even feel bad about the loans, because it's a valid investment and I don't plan to piss the away. And it's worth it to me to have more education, and to go where I want to go with a purpose.
I've decided, that in light of everything--losing my job, having to move out of my apartment with nowhere to go because the new place isn't finished, friends going nutters, and love now definately out of my reach--I've not got that much to lose. And I can't help but feel, and I know certain people would argue, that these things have been happening for a reason. Circumstances are pushing me to better myself and my situation. And god knows that I've spent the better part of my life working towards this. I can see it in the distance, and I'd by lying if I said it wasn't scary as hell.
But I guess if life has taught me anything, is that the good things almost always come with a price. And leaving Evansville, leaving Indiana...it's going to hurt. Like hell. As much as I sometimes try and deny them, my roots are here. I'm a mid-western girl. I'm tall. I'm built sturdy. I have a slight accent. I've still got the sensibility my parents and grandparent's taught me. I enjoy drinking beer and shooting whiskey with my friends (whom I love dearly). I'm not afraid to get dirty, to not be model-sized, or to not be perfectly cool. And I'll never give that up, no matter how the city lights may blind me.
I'm not sure how I'm going to go over out there, if at all. I have a feeling that people are either going to love me or hate me. But that's a risk I'm willing to take. Because sometimes when you want something, you have to give up that which made you safe. And I might as well get this into my head, now--
When I get out there, I will have NO ONE. No family. No friends. Nobody to even call if I get lost or can't find the nearest grocery store. And for a time after I get there, I will want to come back home. But I won't. Because I'll be too damn proud. And eventually, I'll find that I know exactly where I'm going. And that I won't be spending everyday or night alone. And my friends will visit (I hope) and my family will visit (my mom wants to move to Reno if I go to CA). And I'll look back when I'm 27, 28, 30, and realize that while the fear was needed, that I shouldn't have waited so long to come.
My plan is this--
1) Spend the next summer and fall working my ass off, saving money.
2) In February, fill out my FAFSA and apply for student grants to go back to school.
3) Get accepted to college out in California for the fall of 2008--I'm thinking maybe USC, or Berkeley (I've got connections at Berk, so we'll see).
4) Go back to school and either pursue my masters, or go back for digital art and photography. After a long talk with two professional photographers, this seems like a valid, marketable pursuit. Plus, I'll be doing something I love. Finally.
5) Move to California under the grace of student loans.
6) Decide whether I really want to live out there--all the while working to improve my education. I'm young, and by the time I get my master's or second degree, I'll only be shy of 26.
This is the best way to get out there, short of suddenly getting some fantastically well-paying job. I dont' even feel bad about the loans, because it's a valid investment and I don't plan to piss the away. And it's worth it to me to have more education, and to go where I want to go with a purpose.
I've decided, that in light of everything--losing my job, having to move out of my apartment with nowhere to go because the new place isn't finished, friends going nutters, and love now definately out of my reach--I've not got that much to lose. And I can't help but feel, and I know certain people would argue, that these things have been happening for a reason. Circumstances are pushing me to better myself and my situation. And god knows that I've spent the better part of my life working towards this. I can see it in the distance, and I'd by lying if I said it wasn't scary as hell.
But I guess if life has taught me anything, is that the good things almost always come with a price. And leaving Evansville, leaving Indiana...it's going to hurt. Like hell. As much as I sometimes try and deny them, my roots are here. I'm a mid-western girl. I'm tall. I'm built sturdy. I have a slight accent. I've still got the sensibility my parents and grandparent's taught me. I enjoy drinking beer and shooting whiskey with my friends (whom I love dearly). I'm not afraid to get dirty, to not be model-sized, or to not be perfectly cool. And I'll never give that up, no matter how the city lights may blind me.
I'm not sure how I'm going to go over out there, if at all. I have a feeling that people are either going to love me or hate me. But that's a risk I'm willing to take. Because sometimes when you want something, you have to give up that which made you safe. And I might as well get this into my head, now--
When I get out there, I will have NO ONE. No family. No friends. Nobody to even call if I get lost or can't find the nearest grocery store. And for a time after I get there, I will want to come back home. But I won't. Because I'll be too damn proud. And eventually, I'll find that I know exactly where I'm going. And that I won't be spending everyday or night alone. And my friends will visit (I hope) and my family will visit (my mom wants to move to Reno if I go to CA). And I'll look back when I'm 27, 28, 30, and realize that while the fear was needed, that I shouldn't have waited so long to come.