Popslash. Love, Seriously

[luxshine]

Title: Love, Seriously
Fandom: Popslash.
Characters: Brian/Joey
Word Count: 9,978
Rating: PG-13
Summary: AU. Howie decides to call for some supernatural help to find a date for his friend Brian.
Author's Notes: This was written for DWNOGA 2008 for Mette (Bubbleforest), who asks the most challenging pairings I’ve ever seen, which makes writing tons of fun. Betaed at record speed by Otherdeb.



Looking back, Brian figured that his problems really began the day he arrived at the bookstore and discovered that St. Anthony was upside down.

There had been hints before, since the day when Howie announced that they needed to find a temp worker for ‘Hidden Treasures’, their used bookstore/coffee shop, because he was getting married sometime next year.

Brian was delighted by the news, because he loved Howie like a brother and if anyone deserved to be happy, it was him. The problem began when Brian realized that Howie wanted everyone to feel the same way as he did and had started very obviously trying to ensure that none of his friends were single as the wedding date approached.
But Brian didn’t believe in “Love”. He believed in attraction, in friendship, in lust, and even in living together just for appearances’ sake, but the actual, heart stopping, knee melting feeling that made birds sing and flowers bloom was, at least in his mind, just a very convenient way to sell greeting cards.

Unfortunately, Howie felt otherwise, so he had lived through a month of his friend trying to fix him up with every single one of his female cousins. When Brian told him he simply wasn’t interested in women, Howie had then introduced him to Maria.

“Well, being gay is no reason why you can’t go out on a date with my cousin Maria,” Howie had said that day, obviously not faced at all by the revelation. “I’m pretty sure you two have a lot in common.”

“D, man, I know, but I don’t think Maria and I will be ever more than friends. And you shouldn’t be trying to hook her up with a gay man. It’s rude,” Brian answered. He had met Maria José once or twice, and while she was a very nice girl, she was still a girl, and Brian had promised himself he would never lead on a girl to believe he could be romantically interested in then, after seeing the glorious failure of his cousin Kevin’s marriage.

“Maria only dates gay men,” Howie pointed out, laughing. “Comes with the territory of being gay himself.”

“Maria is a man?” Brian had been shocked at that particular revelation. Maria was, at least according to him, a small, delicate woman with long black hair and a tendency to wear very short skirts and very tight top tanks. He sincerely doubted anyone would believe she was in fact, a he.

“You’re thinking of Maria José,” Howie had laughed, shaking his head. “I’m talking about José Maria, her brother. “

So Brian had accepted going on one date with José Maria, who, despite being called Maria by almost all his family was nothing like his younger sister, and in fact looked like the long-lost brother of Antonio Banderas. But they had had nothing in common, and two days later, José Maria met someone else, and that had been the end of it.

Unfortunately, it hadn’t been it for Howie, who had moved from family, to friends. When Brian simply didn’t click with anyone, Howie started to take desperate measures.

“The problem, mi amigo,” Howie would say, as they got ready to close the store for the day. “Is that you’re too picky. I bet you separate the peas on your plate if they’re not perfectly round and green.”

And so it went for a month more or so, in which Howie would point out different costumers to Brian, in an attempt to hook him up, since the wedding loomed closer and closer and Brian still didn’t have a date, which totally ruined the seating arrangements. The only consolation Brian had, was that he wasn’t Howie’s only single friend, so from time to time, Howie would turn his matchmaking impulses toward ‘helping’ someone else.

Brian would’ve forgotten all about it in time, if it wasn’t for the upside down St. Anthony.

The statue itself was new. Brian only knew it was St. Anthony from a visit to Howie’s house where Howie’s grandmother kept a statue of every single saint she prayed to inside a display cabinet filled with candles, hand knitted mantles, fresh cut flowers and a small prayer book open next to each statue. The fact that it was upside down, carefully perched between two stacks of books was just an added oddity.

“Howie… Why do we have an upside down Saint Anthony in our office?” Brian asked, putting down his morning coffee. He didn’t spent much time in the office, since he usually preferred to be outside helping possible clients to find books, so he wasn’t sure of how recent that particular development was.

“I’m asking him to get you a boyfriend,” Howie said, casually, not even lifting his head from whatever he was reading. “Either he gives you one, or he stays like that.”

“What?” Brian sat down, looking at the painted eyes of the saint in front of him. The way it was perched on its own halo made it look strangely comical.

“Grandma Tita says he never fails,” Howie smiled wickedly. “That’s how five generations of Flores got their husbands. Cousin Pamela was considered unmarriageable by everyone, and St. Anthony came through. She got married last month.”

“Your last name is Dorough,” Brian pointed out, but made no move to straighten up the plaster saint. Yet. If Howie wanted to put a family heirloom in danger, it was no skin off Brian’s back.

“My mom’s last name is Flores. If we lived in Puerto Rico instead of San Francisco, I would be Howard Dorough Flores, so it counts. And Grandma Tita is never wrong when it comes to saints. She says that if you want to get married with a perfect match, Saint Anthony is the one to go to.”

“I’m not sure you should ask a Catholic saint to get a Baptist man a boyfriend,” Brian sighed, as he checked the paperwork for the last books they had bought. “I’m pretty sure that your grandma wouldn’t approve anyway.”

“Saint Anthony intercedes for you to God, and your God is my God. Besides, Grandma Tita loves you. Actually, this was her idea. She loaned me her special St. Anthony for this,” Howie waved at him with a movement that clearly said ‘let me worry about the details.’ “Then again, she loves everyone. But trust me. This will work.”

Brian let the subject drop, hoping that Howie would feel satisfied with the plaster saint in the office. It was better than going into yet another month of blind dates or internet dating. Of all Howie’s plans, it was the least intrusive.

* * *

Brian had about a month of peace before Howie decided that perhaps Saint Anthony wasn’t quite the solution to the problem. Once again, Brian attempted to convince Howie that there was no problem at all, but when Howie was in yenta mode, it was impossible to stop him. So Saint Anthony stayed upside down, but now there were other things.

Like teas.

If Grandma Tita was the one to go to when you needed some heavenly help, Aunt Lupita was the one to go if you needed some natural healing. Brian was never one to scoff at the healing powers of nature, but when Howie brought to the office a foul smelling concoction that was supposed to be Toloache tea, and the perfect solution to all romantic problems he decided to put a stop to it. A quick Google search was enough to convince Brian to stop Howie from offering that in the bookstore coffee shop, but Howie didn’t quite give up. There were small clumps of herbs hanging around some of the bookshelves, small sacks of seeds in the drawers, and Aunt Lupita was starting to become a permanent visitor at the shop, preparing new herbal infusions that were supposed to attract love.

Brian didn’t complain about that because the clients liked her a lot, and she was very good at offering natural remedies. And unlike her nephew, Lupita didn’t take Brian’s singleness as a personal offense.

“I think you should know that we’re in August, Mr. Litrell.”

Fortunately for Brian, Howie didn’t quite let his matchmaking tendencies win against his business instincts, so they had hired a young woman as the new cashier and general shopkeeper. Alecia was a very outspoken person, and she and Brian had hit it off as friends almost immediately, to Howie’s general annoyance.

“What’s wrong, Pink?” Brian asked, smiling as he put a very battered copy of Stephen King’s The Shinning back on the shelves. Once she found out that Brian and Howie didn’t have any uniform policy in Hidden Treasures, she had dyed her hair in a very bright shade of pink and so, the nickname had stuck.

“Mr. Dorough is hanging mistletoe on the front door. With small red bows and all the works.” Pink pointed to the main entrance where, sure enough, Howie was standing on a folding stair drawing amused looks from the passersby. “Isn’t it a bit early for Christmas decorations?”

“Well, this way we can beat Barnes and Noble for those early shoppers,” Brian joked but, even so, he decided to go and talk to Howie. Things were starting to get out of hand.
“Howie, what are you doing?” Brian asked, pointing cautiously to the small bundle of green leaves that was hanging innocently over his head.

“Mistletoe calls to true love,” Howie explained as he came down the steps. “It’s not just for kissing, you know.”

“Howie, I don’t mind if you keep all this inside our office, but out here is another story. Our customers may complain.”

“We’re getting new customers now,” Howie pointed out to the back of the store, where Aunt Lupe was talking to two very eager teenage girls. Brian had no idea what they were talking about, but given the way they were giggling, it was probably about a high school crush. “We’re being called the Love Bookstore.”

“And, as nice as that name is, are they even buying books?” Brian sighed tiredly. “Because that’s what Hidden Treasure sells. Well, that and good tea, but if you’re out here hanging mistletoe, who’s making the tea?”

“Aunt Lupe,” Howie answered, smiling. Before Brian could continue his rant, Howie lift his hand amiably. “Look, I get it. Just… give me one last chance, ok? Tonight, at your apartment. Just one more try and we’ll go back to selling books.”

“One last time?” Brian repeated, waiting for Howie to nod. A little voice in the back of his head told him that he was making a mistake by not stopping the foolishness right then, but they had been friends for almost seven years so he figured he owed him a bit of trust. “Fine. We’ll go after closing time.”

“I’ll meet you there,” Howie clapped his back. “Around nine?”

“Sounds perfect to me,” Brian answered back, smiling.

Famous last words.

* * *

“So I was thinking about what you said, you know, about a saint not being the best person to ask for a boyfriend,” Howie started saying as soon as Brian opened the door, without even a hello. “And you’re right. We should’ve started with someone who does have some history of approving of gay relationships.”

“Please tell me you didn’t find a patron saint for single, gay men,” Brian crossed his arms, feeling incredulous. He went to the kitchen to warm some water for tea. It was part of their routine as friends, and he wasn’t going to break it up just because Howie was being weird.

“Not exactly,” Howie laid the dusty old tome he was carrying on the kitchen table. Brian didn’t recognize it so he made a mental note of reminding Howie that if he wanted a book from the store, he had to put it away before they put into the inventory. “You know, back before Christianity, people were far more accepting of alternative lifestyles. So I thought, well, what if we could get any of their guys to help?”

“Their guys?” Brian lifted an eyebrow. “Howie, were you drinking Grandma Tita’s toloache?”

“Look, a lot of our traditions and beliefs are sanitized versions of what our forefathers believed,” Howie explained, passing the pages carefully. “Like Halloween, and Dia de Muertos. So why not love rituals? And don’t worry, I’ve thought a lot about this. We’re just calling in an expert.”

“An expert?”

“Oh, yeah,” Howie grinned, opening the book and showing him a page. “Eros, also known as Cupid. This here is an incantation to call for his aid in all love matters.”

“Howie… you do know Cupid is a myth, right?” Brian shook his head, amused. “I mean, this has zero chance of working.”

"Oh, you of little faith!" Howie laughed, walking towards the living room. "Look, we've tried everything with you. If you weren't so damn picky, I wouldn't have had to get to this point. So, really, it’s your fault!"

"I told you, I don't want a date, I'm perfectly fine being single." Brian crossed his arms, not letting his annoyance show.

"Brian, it's been two years since you last dated," Howie was lighting some white candles on the coffee table. "And I remember how happy you were with Drew, even if you lied to me and told me he was a she. So don't tell me that you don't want someone to love."

"Drew was the exception to my rule," Brian mumbled. He could insist to everyone who mattered that he didn't believe in love, but the truth was that he had loved Drew. But when things had gone sour with him, when his carefully constructed world had fallen to pieces, Brian decided that he was not going to bother again. "This is the last thing, right?" Brian asked, looking at the lit candles that now were carefully placed as a circle around the coffee table.

“I promise, if this doesn’t work, I’ll leave you alone,” Howie crossed his fingers over his chest, to prove he was being serious. That was more than enough to convince Brian completely, so he let Howie continue with the so-called ritual preparations, that looked a bit like if they had been pulled out from a girls’ magazine Valentine’s Day special.

The white candles, he could understand. The pink ones looked a little too stereotypical for a gay man, but Brian tried to keep an open mind to Howie’s ideas, after all, his friend had the best intentions. Then there were the white and red ribbons that Howie insisted that Brian had to tie around every candle, and the rose petals around the living room. The final touches were lavender incense, and Brian’s aftershave that Howie had brought out from the bathroom, and at the end, Brian was feeling like if he had stepped into a fifteen-year-old’s pajama party, but he was still figuring that it would be a short while before it was all over and Howie got the whole “mystic love help” thing out of his system.

Until the coincidences began.

As soon as Howie said the last word of the incantation, the room started shaking. For one second, Brian had the hysterical thought that maybe it was their fault, but then, they lived in San Francisco. Earthquakes were very common, so it was just a coincidence. Just as the movement that blow out the candles had been, and the power that went down leaving them in complete darkness had been.

All those were coincidences, but they would have no future consequences for Brian’s life.

Until the roof caved in on top of the coffee table, and they could see a human figure falling down with it.

* * *

Once the dust had settled, Brian realized that the man who had fallen down the ceiling was unconscious. Fortunately, his cell phone was still working, so he called an ambulance.
While they were waiting for the ambulance, Howie was strangely subdued. He picked up the candles and hid all the evidence of the foolishness that they had been doing when the earthquake hit so the paramedics wouldn’t witness it. Carefully, Brian tried to clean up the path to the man, mindful of not moving him to avoid hurting him more.

It was only then when he got a good look at his impromptu visitor. Even when he was covered in plaster, his face was very clean and, thankfully, there weren’t any signs of bruises or bumps that Brian could see. In fact, the strange visitor looked as if he was sleeping under the broken plaster, given how peaceful he was.

The man had short brown hair with yellow streaks dyed all over it, which, under the light of the broken ceiling, looked a lot like sunlight filtering across his hair. He also had a short, carefully trimmed beard, and, at least on the ear Brian could see, one small gold earring.

“He’s gorgeous,” Brian said, wistfully, before he could stop himself.

“Did you say something?” Howie asked, walking to his side. There was a lot of dust all over his shoulders, but he seemed to be fine.

“I was just wondering where this guy came from,” Brian answered, not wanting to voice what he had been thinking of. “He doesn’t look hurt, does he?”

“Not really,” Howie agreed, and they both looked up at the almost perfect circular hole on the ceiling. To Brian’s surprise, it was not only his apartment the one that had a hole, the one over it had lost the exact same portion of roof. And above, the only thing that they could see was the night sky. It was a cloudless night, so the stars were very bright, and after a moment of silence, Howie turned around to see Brian. “You don’t think… it actually worked, do you?”

Brian turned sharply to see Howie, about to tell him that he was being foolish when, the man under the rubble moaned, making Brian forget all about his friend’s silly suggestion. He kneeled carefully next to the man, not really knowing what to do. In the distance, he could hear sirens and he knew that the ambulance was coming. He was hoping they would get there fast, before he gave in to the impulse of running his fingers through the man’s hair.

“Don’t try to move, you could be hurt,” Brian said, biting his lips as the man opened his eyes and looked at him. His eyes were brown, deep and bright. If Brian had been a more romantic man, he would’ve said that there was a glint of amusement in them, but he wasn’t, so he knew that he was probably just watching a very disoriented guy who had just had the floor literally pulled from under his feet.

“Where am I?” The man asked, his voice surprisingly steady for someone who probably had a concussion.

“San Francisco?” Brian felt confused, as if he had been the one that hit his head and not his visitor. “I’m sorry, you don’t remember where you were before you fell?”

“I fell?” The man laughed, and Brian wanted to laugh with him. That was how contagious the sound was. “Well, at least it wasn’t the hangover…”

“Yes, you fell. Don’t try to stand up,” Brian told him, just as Howie opened the door to reveal two paramedics. “You could have a concussion or something…”

“That would explain the spinning room, yeah,” the man tried to nod, but his smile turned into a grimace of pain. “Ow. Never doing that again.”

“Sir?” One of the paramedics, a tall brunette woman, kneeled next to Brian. “Can you tell me your name?”

“For you? The world,” the man smile grew brighter, and Brian felt a weight settle on the top of his stomach. Of course, the first guy that he considered really handsome would be completely straight. “Cupid, God of Love. Eros, for my friends.”

“That doesn’t sound right,” Brian looked at the paramedic. If the cute guy had hit his head on Brian’s coffee table and got amnesia, Brian would never forgive himself. Even if he had never met the guy, he couldn’t help but feel responsible.

“It’s all right,” the other paramedic reassured him, as he brought up the stretcher. “Your friend is probably just confused from the fall. Last week we had a Superman, two Britney Spears, and a guy who swore was the real Jack Bauer. A little rest, and he’ll be back to normal.”

“But just to be sure, Cupid is going to come with us to the ER,” the brunette patted Brian in the shoulder. “Do you want to come in the ambulance, and keep him company?”
Brian was going to say that he could follow them in his car when the guy took his hand, grasping it with surprising strength. “Of course he is. The more, the merrier.”

It was then thant Brian learned that the self-appointed God of Love rarely accepted a negative answer.

* * *

Brian and Howie weren’t allowed to sit with ‘Cupid’ during the doctor’s examination, so they were left to worry in the waiting room of the ER. Brian was trying to ignore the worried feeling
that crept into his mind every time he remembered that the guy had proudly claimed to be a mythological Greek god, as he was worried about finding out the man’s real identity. He also tried to ignore the warmth he had felt when ‘Cupid’ clasped his hand

Howie had been very quiet when he arrived at the hospital, having followed the ambulance in his car. At first, Brian had thought that was due to the shock of seeing a man fall from the ceiling, but then he saw that Howie had brought the book with him and was re-reading the incantation he had done before the earthquake hit.

“What are you doing, Howie?” Brian asked in hushed tones.

“Do you think this worked?” Howie asked in turn, pointing at the old tome. “That it actually worked?”

“Give me that,” Brian took the book and closed it, keeping tabs of the page that Howie had been reading with his fingers. The book was heavy, leather bound and smelled like dust and something more, a faint scent of moistness, as if it had been kept in storage for years. The pages were turning yellow, and the ink was a brownish faded color, not exactly sepia, but close. Without his toolkit, Brian couldn’t be sure, but he could almost bet that the book was at least a hundred years old. Either that, or it was a very good imitation.

There was nothing written on the cover, the title page was missing and the writing -that looked almost handwritten-, was in Spanish.

“Howie, where did you got this?”

“Grandma Tita,” Howie shrugged, taking the book back. “She said it was time to bring the big guns.”

“Wait… Why does Grandma Tita have a book with spells to call pagan gods?” Brian frowned. He didn’t want to lend credence to Howie’s silly ideas that the spell had worked, so he just focused on the high improbability that a very devout woman had a book like the one Howie had brought.

“It isn’t hers,” Howie explained. “Grandma is worried for you, so she asked a friend to loan it to her. It was, like, a last resort.”

“With all due respect, Howie, your grandmother is weird,” Brian sighed, leaning back against the wall. “I just hope that guy is all right.”

“You liked him, right?” Howie smiled, teasing him despite the situation.

“Howie…”

“I saw you blush when he took your hand,” Howie continued, as if he hadn’t heard Brian’s warning. “It’s the first time I’ve seen you blush.”

“It must have been your imagination,” Brian said, narrowing his eyes. “The guy was contused, covered in plaster and unconscious. Hardly pin-up material.”

“And yet, here we are.” Howie closed his eyes, looking mightily satisfied with himself. “We could’ve just told the paramedics we don’t know him, we didn’t have to come all the way here.”

Brian glared at Howie, but decided not to answer. Howie was right. There was no need for them to be there, not since ‘Cupid’ was now in the care of professionals. If, as the paramedic had said, the confusion was temporary, he would remember his name and everything he needed to call his own family. If the guy was a bit more damaged, they had a psychiatric department that could take care of him. Brian didn’t need to be there.

But he didn’t want to go. At least not until he saw the man with the contagious smile one last time.

“Hey, guys, can I bum a ride?” As if summoned, the guy appeared in the doorway to the ER wards. “I’m feeling much better, so the docs let me leave.”

“Sure,” Brian agreed easily, before he could come up with reasons why it was a bad idea. “But are you completely sure you want to leave? I mean, it was a nasty fall… they could keep you in for observation at least a night.”

“It was just a nasty bump,” the guy waved his hands, as if to show he was fine. “I didn’t break anything, and they need the beds for people who are seriously hurt.”

“Well, if you’re sure…” Brian finally caved in. It was very hard to refuse the guy, especially as he didn’t really look hurt. “I’m Brian, this is my friend, Howie. His car is in the parking lot.”

“Lead the way,” the guy smiled brightly, as he shook Brian’s and Howie’s hands.

“Mr. Fatone!” A nurse ran behind them, yelling. It took her three attempts before the man with the warm smile turned around. “Mr. Fatone!”

“Oh, yeah. That’s me.” The guy smiled at the nurse, who, to Brian’s surprise and annoyance, blushed like a schoolgirl with a crush. “What can I do for you?”

“Ahm,” the nurse, who had looked professional and composed five seconds before, actually bit her lip. “You forgot to sign the release form.”

“Sorry about that,” Mr. Fatone, as the nurse had called him, picked up the forms she was handing him and read them carefully. Curious, Brian tried to read over his shoulder managing to get a look at the name under the signature line, Joseph Anthony Fatone, and was surprised to meet Joseph’s gaze. The man wasn’t really reading, he was watching Brian with an amused glint in his eyes. He winked at Brian, as if the both of them were accomplices in a prank, and then signed the forms. “There you go. Oh, and by the way?”

“Yes?” the nurse still had that dazzled look on her face, but Brian couldn’t blame her. He felt dazzled himself.

“The doctor that came to see me when you were getting my personal information? He wants to ask you out. When he does, don’t hesitate. He’s not at all like the rumors say.”

The nurse blushed a deep red color, ducked behind the file that he had handed back to her, and then, without as much as a good bye practically ran away.

“Very well, now… shall we go?” Joseph put his arms around Brian’s and Howie’s shoulders, a very easy task as he was at least a head taller than either of them. And while the gesture should have been very annoying coming from a stranger, neither men moved away.

“Sure, Joseph…” Brian began, blushing as Joseph looked at him. He realized that Joseph hadn’t introduced himself, and thus knowing his name was a very plain admission to have read the files over his shoulders. “I’m sorry…”

“It’s fine.” Under the lights of the hospital entrance, Joseph’s eyes seemed to glint as he got in Howie’s old beetle. “We both know it’s not my real name anyway.”

“What do you mean?” Brian turned around in the passenger seat to meet Joseph’s eyes. Howie was in the driver’s seat, looking equally worried.

“Oh, you know,” Joseph’s smiled as he spoke, showing his perfect white teeth. “After all, you two summoned me and if I had told the doctors the truth, they would’ve never let me out of the psych ward. I’m Cupid.”

* * *

Exactly why Brian didn’t made Howie turn around so they could just dump Joseph back in the hospital, he wasn’t sure. The end result was that, half an hour later the three of them were back in Brian’s apartment, looking at the huge hole in the living room ceiling.

“It was a big fall,” Joseph said, standing right under the hole. “Not one of my best entrances.”

“What do you mean?” Howie and Brian asked at the same time.

“Well, you know,” Joseph shrugged. “The whole light coming down from the clouds, trumpets and rose petals swirling around. The works. Nothing like the ‘hey, I hit my head, rush me to the hospital’ mess that this was.”

“So… you fell because we called for you?” Howie asked, sounding awed. Brian couldn’t believe that Howie was actually falling for that bullshit. He didn’t know how ‘Joseph’ -because he wasn’t going to call him Cupid, no matter what- knew about the ritual, but he had some theories. Joseph had to be standing in the apartment above, although Brian wasn’t sure why or how he got in since the apartment was empty, last he knew, and he probably heard the noise before the earthquake hit.

Maybe, a tiny voice on his mind told him, that had been the problem. The last thing Joseph had heard before hitting his head had been the god of love nonsense and it had confused him. Not enough to keep him under medical surveillance, but enough to make him believe it was the truth, and worse, make him believe that Howie and Brian were accomplices to that lie. Which, in turn, made Brian feel guilty.

“It was a potent call,” Joseph grinned. “Rocked my world, that’s for sure.”

“Stop,” Brian raised his hand, making the others look at him. “We know you’re not Cupid, Greek God of love. So why don’t you just tell us your real name?”

“Cupid is my Roman name,” Joseph shook his head, as if amused at Brian’s outburst. “Eros is my Greek one. But if you prefer, you can call me Joey. It’s as good as name as any other.”

“So your name is Joey,” Brian tried to sound logical. He didn’t want to get distracted by the amused look in Joey’s face. He was starting to feel like the butt of a very elaborate joke.

“This time around, sure,” Joey winked at him, and Brian hated to admit that it made his knees go weak. “But you can call me whatever you want.”

“Look, can you be serious for one minute?” Brian asked, feeling angry by the way Joey didn’t seem to take anything seriously.

“I could, but where would be the fun in it?” Joey smiled, his eyes not leaving Brian’s.

“Well, I can tell you one thing, Brian,” Howie interrupted for the first time. “I don’t think either of you can stay here tonight. Or… well, until we get those holes fixed.”

“Do you have a place to stay?” Brian asked Joey, hoping that this time the other man would have an answer that didn’t come straight from a fairy tale.

“Usually, I stay near the ones who called me, although I understand if you don’t want me to sleep on your couch.” Joey then looked at the remains of the couch, still under plaster and bricks. “On the other hand, I don’t think even my cousin Morpheus could get anyone to sleep on that.”

“You’re not staying here,” Brian said, crossing his arms for emphasis. “We’re getting you back to the hospital.”

“Brian! It’s our fault he’s here!” Howie admonished him. “And you can’t stay here either! So both of you are coming with me! Pack up some clothes, and let’s go.”
“Howie, we’re not taking a stranger to your mother’s house!”

“Do you know what my mother will do to me if she finds out I abandoned someone to sleep on the street when I was responsible of getting him out of his house? And that’s not even adding the whole summoning pagan gods part!”

“I’d hate to impose myself on your family,” Joey sat down on the floor, looking at the night sky. It was clouding over, as if, on top of everything, they were also in for some rain.

“It’s ok, really. We already have a lot of guests, so two more won’t be a problem,” Howie smiled, as if the subject was closed.

“Howie,” Brian tried once more, but this time, it was Joey the one who interrupted him.

“And don’t worry. I swear on my mom I won’t do anything to disrupt your wedding.”

Brian was so shocked at Joey mentioning so casually that Howie was getting married, when none of them had mentioned it, that he just let himself be led out of his own house for the second time that night.

* * *

The Doroughs’ house usually was brimming with activity. It wasn’t just a “house”, in fact, but six houses connected by the same entrance and garden. Howie’s mother called it a “finca”, but Grandma Tita said it was a “vecindad” and no one ever argued with her. It had been built by her Greatgrand father, making it one of the oldest houses in the neighbourhood -or probably, the city- and it housed not only the Doroughs - Howie’s mom, Grandma Tita, Howie and his four sisters- but also the Flores -Uncle Ramiro, his wife and five kids -, the Ortega Flores -Aunt Amelia, her husband Miguel, their oldest daughter Mariana, her husband Rogelio, Maria Jose, her brother José Maria, and Mariana and Rogelio’s two kids- and the Estrada Flores - Aunt Lupe, her husband Alberto, and her three kids. Brian was overwhelmed every time he went to visit, even more because Howie insisted that his family was “small”, and this particular time, he was twice as nervous.

Because in all honesty, how were they going to explain Joey? He had to be the one to talk, as Howie was more likely to go on unnecessary tangents about summons and incantations. The moment Howie opened the door they were swarmed by his sisters; this was to be expected, but Brian couldn’t enjoy that little bit of normalcy because Howie’s mother took no time in noticing the strange man in her house.

“Who’s your friend, mijo?” Paula Dorough asked, crossing her arms.

“Mamá, please, don’t get mad,” Howie greeted her mother with a kiss. “There was a situation with Grandma Tita’s advice.”

“Madre de Dios!” As if summoned, Grandma Tita herself was on the top of the stairs, her eyhes fixed on Joey. “What did you do, Howie?”

Despite not being fluent at all in Spanish, Brian could get that Grandma Tita was not amused.

“Grandma Tita, you aren’t going to believe this,” At his home, Howie usually switched to Spanish which never failed to annoy Brian a little as he was unable to follow the conversations, but this time he felt better just by the fact that he was sure that Joey probably understood less.

“Your grandson called me for help, madam.” Unfortunately, it seemed that Joey not only understood, but also spoke Spanish with a fluency Brian had never heard in a non-native. “It seemed to me it was an emergency.”

“It is an emergency!” Howie explained, not bothering to translate for Brian.

“Emergency or not,”Grandma Tita punctuated every word with a hit of her cane as she came down the stairs. “If you were planning on calling him, you should have asked your aunts for help! Tell me that you at least took precautions. You did the ritual on the roof, didn’t you?”

“No, sorry,” Howie looked properly chastised. “In fact… we sort of brought down the ceiling at Brian’s place when he appeared.”

“Santo Cielo! Are you all right, Brian?” Mama Paula turned her attention to Brian, looking at his head for bumps. “Please tell me that my idiot son didn’t manage to hurt you!”

“I’m fine,” Brian assured her with a smile. “It was nothing.”

“Howie just said that the ceiling fell on top of you.”

“He’s exaggerating,” Brian tried his best not to smile as Grandma Tita twapped Howie on the head. “No one was badly hurt.”

“I’m very sorry that my grandson is so stupid, Grandma Tita said to Joey. “But, Dear Heart, you are welcome to our house as long as you need to be here.”

“You both are welcome here,” Mama Paula finished, translating what Grandma Tita said to Brian. “You can stay in our guestroom, and tomorrow Howie will ask Ramiro to take a look at that fallen ceiling tomorrow.”

“I’d hate to impose,” Brian stated, only to be shushed by Mama Paula.

“Nonsense. You’re like a brother to Howie. This is your home too!”

Realizing that it was a lost fight, Brian let himself be led to the guestroom while Joey chatted in Spanish with Grandma Tita. From the way Howie looked, Brian could guess that the subject of discussion was the hole in Brian’s ceiling.

* * *

“You speak Spanish,” Brian accused Joey as soon as they were left alone in the room. Howie had stayed below, presumably to be yelled at a little more by his mother.

“What kind of god of love would I be if I didn’t speak all romance tounges?” Joey laid down on one of the twin beds. “I’m surprised you don’t. It’s obvious you spend a lot of time with this family.”

“Stop with the god of love nosense,” Brian leaned on the wall. “I know who you are now.”

“Oh?” Joey raised an eyebrow, challenging Brian to continue.

“You and Howie set this up. I have no idea how were you planning to ‘appear’ on my living room if the earthquake hadn’t hit, but you managed to improvise,” Brian summed up feeling pleased with himself. “So I would be somewhat convinced to date whoever you pointed out to me.”

“That sounds a bit elaborate,” Joey said as soon as Brian finished. “Unpractical too.”

“Really?”

“I mean, Howie is your lifelong friend, right?” Joey waited until Brian nodded. “Then he knows you wouldn’t fall for something like that. Not to mention that his family takes white magic very seriously. “

“How do you know that?” Brian interrupted, and Joey rolled his eyes again.

“Omniscience is one of the benefits of being the god of love,” Joey said, but his tone was more amused than annoyed. “As I was saying, la señora Tita would skin Howie alive if he made fun of their beliefs with a prank like that.”

Brian had to admit that Joey had a point. He still remembered what had happened a year or so before when a costumer asked Howie if he celebrated Cinco de Mayo within earshot of his mother. Mama Paula had chewed the man’s ear off because of that, since they were from Puerto Rico, not Mexico, and the Doroughs were proud of their heritage. As silly as the whole Santeria thing looked to Brian, Howie wouldn’t just play around with it.

That didn’t meant that he bought the idea that Joey was Eros, Cupid, or whatever. There had to be a logical explanation to Joey falling down into their lives, and Brian was going to find it.

* * *

Logical explanations notwithstanding, Brian couldn’t help but feel a bit responsible for Joey. His original theory, that perhaps Joey had hit his head in Brian’s house and was confused, was the only one that still sort of held water, so to appease that guilty feeling, Brian offered Joey a job in Hidden Treasures.

It proved to be both a blessing and a curse. Joey was an instant hit with the customers, both old and new. Those who actually came to buy book s found him attentive and helpful, and were amused by the fact that Joey apparently was a genius because there wasn’t a subject that he didn’t know. Alecia called Joey “Mr. Wikipedia”, and enjoying quizzing him whenever they had some free time.

The “new” customers, as Brian dubbed them, the ones who came to buy Aunt Lupita’s tea and get some love advice, were equally mesmerized. Joey never told them that he was the god of love, but it seemed that it wasn’t necessary as they just gravitated towards him anyway.

Little by little everyone in Hidden Treasures seemed to be paired off.

At first, Brian didn’t notice. It had been a little thing, a coincidence. That Joey had been talking with Nick, the delivery boy for the pizza place next door and the very next day Nick came around to introduce them to Lance, his new boyfriend. Apparently, Lance ordered pizza at least twice a week and Nick always tried to make the delivery because he had a crush. Joey convinced Nick to actually talk to Lance, who had also been looking for a chance to talk with Nick so both had come to thank Joey for it.
Then it had been Alex, one of Howie’s old classmates and Hidden Treasures’ oldest client. Alex had just broken up with his boyfriend and when Howie suggested that perhaps he could date Brian, Joey had interrupted to say it was a terrible idea which prompted a two-hour conversation in the coffee shop between Joey and Alex. A phone call to Alex’s ex and an hour later, Alex and Joshua were together again, all misunderstandings forgiven.

By then, Brian was starting to get paranoid because other people, people who had never gone into the shop before, came in looking for a book and left with the book and a new boyfriend or girlfriend.

It all came to the end of Brian’s patience when, three weeks later, a young couple came in. Brian had been in the office at the time, appraising a collection for a client, but their argument had been so loud that he had been forced to come out to ask them to tone it down.

But by then, Joey was already on the case and he had not only managed to calm the girl down, he also ended up mediating an amicable break up between the two, and got them to become regulars at the coffee shop. A week later, Justin, the boy, came in just so Joey could meet Cameron, his new girlfriend, while Britney, the girl, was now practically another employee at Hidden Treasures since she started dating Alecia.

It was then when Brian decided it was time to put a stop to the god of love nonsense.

* * *

Chris arrived one hour before closing time, Kevin in tow. Brian sat both of them at a coffee table far away from the office because he didn’t want Howie to see Chris for multiple reasons. First was that Chris and Howie had been classmates long ago, before Chris decided to ditch music for psychology, so they always had things to talk about and a lot of gossip to catch on. Second, Chris was the only one of all Brian’s friends who could understand his problem with Howie’s superyenta tendencies.

After all, if you listened to Howie tell the story, Chris and Kevin had meet thanks to Howie. The truth was a little bit more complicated, if you asked Brian; Kevin had been going through a very hard divorce -as was expected, when you tell your wife of a year that you can’t stay married to her because you’re gay and you knew it since you were 13- and needed someone to help him put his life in order. Chris was starting his own practice as a psychologist, and was single at the time, which Howie, of course, took as a personal affront since he had just meet Leigh and wanted everyone to be happy and in love -Brian had escaped that particular bout of sharing the wealth as he had been dating Drew back then- so he had sent Kevin to Chris’s office hoping that they would hit off. Fortunately they had, and, once Chris told Kevin he wasn’t going to be his shrink, things had run smoothly for both. Kevin was Brian’s cousin, so at first Brian had been a bit wary of Chris, but in time they had become good friends.

Brian always wondered why Chris never got angry about Howie’s approach to forced-dating, but Chris always shooed his concerns by telling him that it was Howie’s way of showing he cared.

“So what was this emergency you had?” Chris asked, once they were seated. Brian opened his mouth and closed it again, not sure of how to explain to Chris that he had been a house guest in Howie’s house with a homeless, crazy man who said he was a god of love.

“Oh, that must be Cupid.” Kevin chose that particular moment to interrupt, pointing to where Joey and Alecia were talking. Alecia was grinning and doing gestures with her hand, which told Brian that they were probably talking about Britney. “I thought he would be, I don’t know… blonder.”

“What?” Brian looked at his cousin, surprised. He was sure Howie hadn’t told anyone about Joey’s delusions.

“There’s a rumor going around that you’ve got a veritable god of love working for you,” Kevin explained, sipping his soda. “They call him the San Francisco Cupid or something. There was a note about him in the newspaper yesterday. Didn’t you know?”

“Fuck!” Brian swore, and let his head hang down. This was spiraling out of control.

“I guess it’s something very bad, and it has to do with him, right?” Chris asked, frowning. “Because I’ve known you for four years, and you’ve never swore. Not unless it’s something big.”

“His name is Joey, but he says he’s actually Cupid, the Greco-Roman god of love,” Brian sighed and explained everything to Chris. Joey had fooled the doctors at the ER, but Brian was counting that if Chris could just talk to Joey for a bit, Chris could find at least one clue to Joey’s real identity. “I don’t know what to do, Chris. He doesn’t act crazy, but still… what if he’s a danger to himself?”

Both Chris and Kevin turned to watch Joey more carefully. Brian sighed. At first sight, there was nothing wrong with Joey. There were times in which Brian himself tended to forget that the man was insane, because he was so normal. For the first time since Chris and Kevin entered the store he was hit with second thoughts. What if they decided that he was the insane one?

“I can talk to him if he wants to,” Chris said cautiously. “But if he doesn’t, you’re on your own, I’m sorry.”

“Thank you, Chris, it means the world to me.” Brian was thinking on the best way to introduce Chris to Joey without raising Joey’s suspicious when Alecia and Joey walked towards them.

“Mr. K, I thought I saw you,” Alecia smiled brightly, holding and old paperback novel in her hand. “We got that book you wanted last time you were here.”

“Thank you, Pink,” Chris answered her smile, accepting the book. Then he turned to meet Joey’s eyes as the girl returned to help the few clients that still lingered around the store. “I don’t think we’ve meet.”

“No, we haven’t, Dr. Kirkpatrick,” Joey said, shaking Chris and then Kevin’s hands. “But Howie talks a lot about you. I’m guessing you must be Kevin, Brian’s cousin right?”

“Nice to meet you,” Kevin answered, studying Joey with his eyes. “I guess Howie still likes to tell the story of how Chris and I met?”

“It’s one of his favorites.” Joey grabbed a chair of a nearby table and sat between Chris and Brian. “But I bet that’s not why Brian here was thinking of how to introduce us. He told you who I am, right?”

“He says you’re Cupid,” Chris nodded. Before Brian could object, Kevin put his hand on his cousin’s shoulder as if to say that he had to trust Chris’s lead. “But that’s not what your name tag says.”

“Well, I don’t like to advertise it,” Joey shrugged. “You say you’re Cupid, and people start expecting you to wear diapers in public, and next thing you know, you’re in jail for indecent exposure.”

“And one wouldn’t expect the Greco-Roman god of love to be working in an used bookstore,” Chris nodded, as if what Joey had just said was perfectly logical. “Times are that hard?”

“Nah, this is me moonlighting. Howie called me to help Brian, so I had to do something while Brian decides what he wants.” Joey turned to smile at Brian, with that warm smile that made Brian felt like dirt for doubting Joey’s wild claims. “It passes the time.”

“Your wife mustn’t be amused, though.”

“Who?” Joey frowned, looking seriously confused. Brian felt the same. It was the first time he had heard anything about Cupid being married.

“Oh, you can’t say you’re Cupid without knowing the most popular Cupid myth,” Chris kept a calculated tone, but Brian felt his heart start beating harder. Now he finally had one possible proof that Joey was a madman. Although a small part of him felt sad at the confirmation, but he tried his best to ignore it. “She’s the goddess of… I’m not sure what she’s goddess off, but she had a feud going with Aphrodite. And she’s got a kid, too, a daughter, if I remember my classes correctly.”

“Oh! Psyche! We’re not married,” Joey laughed as he gestured with his hands with the universal sign for no more questions. “We flirted through the idea, mostly when she was pregnant with Hedona, but come on! I’m the god of Love. I can’t be married! And we never killed that particular rumor, because Divorce suits my job even less. Nah, we’re just friends. She would probably find this whole thing very funny.”

“Hedona?” Brian couldn’t help himself and interrupted. That name had to rank in the top ten list of parental cruelties towards children.

“Means pleasure, in Greek,” Joey now sounded like a proud parent, and Brian half expected him to pull out a picture out of his wallet. “She’s a doll. Takes after me, but Psyche got custody. Her loss, Hedona has been stuck as a six year old for a millennia.”

“Will you excuse us for a minute, I need to talk to my cousin,” Kevin rose to his feet, pulling Brian with him.

Once they were out of earshot of the other two, who resumed their conversation seamlessly, Kevin let Brian go.

“What’s wrong, Kevin?”

“That’s what I was going to ask you, Brian,” Kevin said slowly, lowering his voice so only Brian could hear him. “You know what I see when I see your new employee?”

“Someone who is obviously not Cupid?” Brian ventured, hopeful.

“Someone who is your type,” Kevin crossed his arms. “Tall, broad, very amicable. You really had to reach hard to find something wrong with him, didn’t you?”

“He thinks he’s a Greco-Roman god of love,” Brian pointed out. He couldn’t believe so many people were acting as if that wasn’t a big deal.

“How do you know he’s not just humoring you?” Kevin asked, raising one eyebrow. “Brian, honestly, not every man is like Drew.”

Brian blinked, looking at where Chris and Joey were talking. The idea that perhaps Joey was only faking being insane to get a rise out of him had never occurred to Brian, mostly because it didn’t explain some other things about Joey, such as the way Grandma Tita still spoke to him with respect, or how he just happened to know everything about everyone, but it was a good point.

It was then when Brian decided he needed some time alone to think.

* * *

Ramiro Flores was an excellent builder and his company had fixed Brian’s roof so well that one could hardly notice that there had been a hole on top of the living room. But the answers Brian looked for weren’t in his own house but in the apartment upstairs.

The one that Brian had thought deserted and where Joey had to be standing in when the earthquake hit.

Getting the keys from the building manager was surprisingly easy, mostly due to the fact that Ramiro had agreed to fix the roof of that apartment too for free if they let them work inside to fix Brian’s roof, so once he had made sure his own place was in one piece, Brian took the elevator upstairs.

The apartment layout was just like his own, but just as he had thought, it was completely empty. There was no furniture, no signs that a human being had ever lived there.

“You’re still looking for a rational explanation?” Joey’s voice interrupted his thoughts and Brian looked up to see Joey leaning against the door frame.

“You didn’t live here,” Brian said, looking at the roof. Just as in his apartment, there was no sign of the damage. “What were you doing when the earthquake hit?”

“You don’t really want to believe the truth, so you can think whatever you want,” Joey shook his head sadly. “See, at first I thought it would be easier for everyone involved if I just took over this place, introduced myself as your neighbor and worked undercover. But Howie’s plea was so heartfelt, that I just couldn’t let it go with some sort of a sign. I might have overdone it a little.”

“Joey, please, let’s not go through that again,” Brian looked away, not wanting to see the intensity of Joey’s gaze.

“You know there was an easy way to stop Howie, don’t you?” Joey kept going as if he hadn’t heard. “You only needed to tell him that you had a date for his wedding. Anyone would’ve done the trick, a friend, an ex. Even Alecia. Howie just wants to see you having fun at his wedding, not sitting down at the table while everyone was dancing.”

“I don’t dance,” Brian turned around only to find Joey standing next to him.

“Don’t you?” Joey smiled and put his right hand on Brian’s back, holding Brian’s right hand on his left. Belatedly, Brian realized they looked like a couple just about to start dancing. “Well, you didn’t with Drew. But there was this girl in highschool… Leighanne? You danced with her at the prom.”

“How do you know that?” Brian asked, realizing a little too late that Joey was starting to move, leading him in a silent waltz.

“Omniscience is one of the benefits…” Joey repeated, effortlessly guiding Brian across the empty livingroom. Brian was letting himself be led, because the situation was too much like a dream to actually try and stop to force it to make sense. “You also danced with Jeff, before you met Drew. And you’re dancing with me.”

“Even so, I don’t think Howie would’ve been satisfied if I only took a friend…” Brian tried to object. In the distance he could hear faint music, probably from a neighbor with a loud stereo system.

“And then,” Joey continued as if he hadn’t heard Brian’s complain. “You just found everyone lacking. José Maria, Miguel, Antonio, Ricky… all of Howie’s friends had something not just right. Worst part, is that you liked them. So I started taking that as a personal challenge.”

“What do you mean?” Brian asked, as Joey twirled them around the floor.

“Two things you must never do when dealing with my family. The first one is not relevant here,” Joey explained, a strange glint in his eyes. “And never say you don’t need love within earshot of a god of love. We take that personally.”

“We? There is more than one god of love?” Brian tried to laugh, but he was too aware of Joey’s hand on his back.

“Mom counts,” Joey said, not missing one step. “Thing is, when you say love is not necessary, we have to take action. Howie calling me was a fortuitous accident but I already had my sights on you. See, there’s a reason I don’t like to bring my arrows with me.”

“Is there?” Brian blinked. They had stopped, but Joey wasn’t letting him go. Outside, the lights of the street reflected in the window, giving the apartment an eerie atmosphere.
“I keep shooting myself with them,” Joey said softly, lowering his head to Brian’s height so their foreheads were touching. “This is where you tell me to fuck off. Unless you want me to go on.”

“I don’t know,” Brian admitted. “I don’t… I don’t really believe you’re the god of love, you know that.”

“No,” Joey shook his head softly, not really moving away. “You want not to believe I’m the god of love. There’s a difference.”

“Well, yes. Maybe. “ Brian stepped away, and Joey let him. “Let’s just say that you’re really Cupid. And that you are interested in me. It doesn’t matter if I’m interested in you if that’s true.”

“Why not?”

“Because if you are a mythological god… you’ll leave,” Brian admitted softly, lowering his head. “Someone else will summon you, and you’ll leave. So I can’t believe you’re the god of love, if I want to… If I’m going to let myself…”

“I don’t have to answer everyone who summons me.” Joey hadn’t moved from the spot he was standing, as if he was waiting for Brian’s next move. “I came here because I wanted to help you. And I’m not going to leave unless you want me to.”

“It’s not that easy,” Brian shook his head. “Rational men don’t believe in myths.”

“You’d be surprised,” Joey countered. “Come on, Brian… what’s the worst thing that could happen?”

“You could break my heart,” Brian looked straight at Joey’s eyes, biting his lower lip. “I could break yours.”

“It could happen,” Joey agreed. “And it could not. But you have to take the risk, it’s the only way love can exist.”

When Joey said that, the lights on the street went out. In the darkness, it seemed as if Joey’s body had turned transparent, as if he was really disappearing before Brian’s eyes.

“What’s going on?” Brian asked, feeling his stomach drop. He took a step towards Joey, raising his hand to touch him, just to make sure he was still there.

“Told you. I can only stay as long as you want me to stay. But if you really don’t believe in love, then… well…” Joey shrugged, and Brian almost screamed as he could see the wall behind him clearly through his shoulder. “It’s ok. You’ll think it was just a dream.”

I already think this is a dream, Brian thought, but didn’t say it. If it was a dream, he would be waking up around then, screaming and covered in sweat. If it wasn’t a dream, it changed everything. The possibilities were endless.

As if cued by his thoughts, Joey started becoming solid again. But he didn’t move, he just kept waiting.

“I don’t trust easily,” Brian said hesitantly, stepping again in front of Joey, willing himself to believe. “I’ve been hurt a lot.”

“I know,” Joey softly said, lowering his head again to capture Brian’s mouth in a kiss.

It was madness, and Brian knew it. But Joey’s lips tasted sweet, and the only thing Brian could think of was that he was going to have to learn how to waltz properly, and that not many people could claim that their boyfriend was the god of love.

The End.